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Cosmic relationships between event horizons and quilting. A scientific study.

Cosmic relationships between event horizons and quilting. A scientific study.

Old 08-05-2013, 03:07 PM
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Default Cosmic relationships between event horizons and quilting. A scientific study.

Recently released findings on Black holes and quilting with notes on the nature of white holes in a domestic setting.

Not a lotis known about the exact nature of black holes, and some
might postulate white holes, but it has recently been a great source
of study. Statistically many mini black holes have been detected near
or around homes where dedicated quilters live and gather. Rather an
anomalous finding It does require further study. It seems to occur rather
more frequently in homes where a great deal of quilt-making happens
but the shopping to usage index of fabric is low. It seems that some
quilters and stitchers in general who allow gaps in their fabric
stash to occur set up a cosmic environment that fosters the creation
of a tiny black hole. This cosmological event will only grow larger
over time increasing the likely hood of a much larger event horizon
that could ultimately involve the entire known universe and beyond.
If two such stitchers should live in close proximity of each other the
effect is increased exponentially. To slow or prevent such growth it
is necessary to fill the gaps with newer fabric, there by preventing
hopefully any development of the danger to begin with. This
phenomenon has also been observed in a slightly lesser degree with
buttons, trims, threads, books and magazines. It is also known that a
good preventative measure is to keep one or more very high quality
sewing machines in the immediate area.
It has been postulated that persons who embark on a course of
becoming the gathers of large quantities of fabric have acquired a
special duty. To whit they should be required by all standards of
ethical behavior to keep holes in their fabric stashes from
happening at all. Despite any hardship to themselves and their
immediate family this course of action is highly recommended. All
spouses, partners and children have a duty not only to the human
race and theplanet at large but to the entire universe and life it's self
to point out when such shortages seem to be appearing and offer to
assist the quilter to acquiring more fabric. Not only will this help
alleviate the problem but their ultimate reward will be an outpouring
of quilted objects for their use-age. All family members need to be
aware that how their needs are met, IE. Food, clothing, housing,
transportation, and entertainment needs are only there in furtherance
to the goal of preventing black holes from appearing in their homes.
Further study of this phenomena is highly indicated and it may be
that in the future information gleaned will indicate the need for
more quilt shops in general and an increase in the availability of
high quality and appealing fabric at a low to reasonable cost per
yard. In addition home plans will need to include a large and well
lit studio for the quilter to engage in her vital work preserving the
cosmological integrity of the universe at large.
Along with the study of black holes, white holes seem to be a topic
rich in interest. Little is known at this time about white holes but
is indicated that they are responsible for the depositing of small
objects such as keys, coins, buttons and seam rippers in odd unlikely
places and deep into the cushions of upholstered furnishings. In
addition is the largely unknown connection between black holes and
white holes in the depositing of odd socks in clothes dryers.
In conclusion The Committee for the Preservation of the Universe
would like to thank each and every member of the quilting community
for saving the world one yard at a time.<o></o>

<o></o>
> Are the white holes invisible?
White holes are not invisible but they can look a great deal like
dust bunnies. They are found quite frequently in conjunction with
them. It is speculated that they are built up of the linty dust that
accumulates near or around fabric stashes. There is a theory that
black holes will suck up small items and white holes will spew them
out. The fact that there is often lint and small debris down in sofa
cushions seems to support this. I do not agree that white holes are
responsible for spewing solo socks into dryers, personally my
research shows that black holes are used deliberately to suck up
socks and then they are transported to an alternate universe where
the beings are mono-pedal. The actually import our sock(s) for their
personal use. They will accept dark colors but prefer argyle or
stripes. After they have finished using the socks the Mono-peds will
return the sock. Sometimes they return it to where it was originally
found IE the dryer but more often only in the vicinity of the dryer,
such as behind or under the dryer. The fact that the socks have been
well used by the Mono-peds shows in the sock's dilapidated
condition. Occasionally a sock taken from a domestic laundry room
but is returned to a commercial Laundromat.
My theory is still largely unaccepted by the Cosmological Studies
Community but I firmly believe that it will be proven in time. I am
currently conducting an experiment in my own laundry room to catch
a Mono-pedin the act so to speak. I have planted a dummy sock in bright argyle chock fullof sensing equipment and hope that it will continue to record and transmit evenafter the Mono-peds have snatched it.
Thank you for your question as it has given me an opportunity to
discuss my own research. My colleagues in the Cosmological Studies
Community refuse to even take my phone calls and have blocked me on their chatlines. Dedicating your life to science can be a lonely
proposition at times. Still I remain (as I am known to my supporters)
Cosmic Ellen. Happy scientificating<o></o>

<o></o>
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Old 08-05-2013, 03:40 PM
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I have another theory. Every sewing room has a black hole where our scissors and seam rippers disappear into.
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Old 08-06-2013, 07:10 AM
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It is the evil monopeds way of threatening us if we don't send more argyle socks....sort of a ransom demand.
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Old 08-07-2013, 12:53 PM
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I was doing my part in preventing black holes!
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