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Thread: Diary of a Snow Shoveler

  1. #1
    Senior Member grandma sue's Avatar
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    Diary of a Snow Shoveler


    Author unknown

    December 8 : 6:00 PM.

    It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took
    our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft
    flakes drift down from heaven. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.
    I love snow!

    December 9:

    We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch
    of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely
    place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had.
    Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did
    both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came
    along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got
    to shovel again. What a perfect life.

    December 12:

    The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My
    neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas .
    No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by
    the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think
    that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.

    December 14:

    Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The
    cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I
    warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The
    snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't
    realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly
    get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

    December 15:

    20 inches forecasted. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow
    tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The
    wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's
    silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

    December 16:

    Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway
    putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I
    think was very cruel.

    December 17:

    Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity
    was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing
    to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I
    should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. Gee I hate it
    when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living
    room.

    December 20:

    Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night.
    More shoveling. Took all day. Snowplow came by twice. Tried to
    find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing
    hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to
    see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another
    shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or
    the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

    December 22:

    Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of it
    fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till
    August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and
    then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed
    again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on
    his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think
    he's lying.

    December 23 :

    Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0 degrees. The wife wanted me to
    decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!! Why
    didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think
    she's lying.

    December 24 :

    6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was
    having a heart attack. If I ever catch the guy who drives
    that snowplow, I'll kill him. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to
    finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and
    throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas
    Carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the
    damn snowplow.

    December 25 :

    Merry Christmas . 20 more inches of the !=@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed
    in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. Wow, I hate the snow! Then
    the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the
    head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's
    an idiot. If I have to watch " It's a Wonderful Life " one more time, I'm
    going to kill her.

    December 26:

    Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea.
    She's really getting on my nerves.

    December 27:

    Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

    December 28:

    Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. My wife is driving me
    crazy!!!!!

    December 29:

    10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
    That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

    December 30:

    Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars.
    The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

    December 31:

    Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

    January 8:

    I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving
    me. Why am I tied to the bed?

  2. #2
    Super Member rusty quilter's Avatar
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    OMG such a great description of midwest winter!!! (Yes, I am from Michigan and any of us could have written this--(without your flair of course!)

  3. #3
    Super Member almostfree's Avatar
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    I can totally sympathize with him. Sometimes I feel the same way!

  4. #4
    The Creative Seamstress's Avatar
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    LMAO this is great, sent it to the husband!

    Explosive blessings, abundance and inspiration to you all!
    - The Creative Seamstress

  5. #5
    Senior Member grandma sue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rusty quilter
    OMG such a great description of midwest winter!!! (Yes, I am from Michigan and any of us could have written this--(without your flair of course!)
    The author is unknown. A friend sent it to me today and I thought it was so appropriate since we now have about 26" of snow on the ground in the Tulsa area. A record breaker for us.

  6. #6
    Super Member sewwhat85's Avatar
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    that is so funny

  7. #7
    Senior Member
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    i can relate. I could hit the snow plower drive myself'

  8. #8
    Senior Member grandma sue's Avatar
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    I thought this would be put on the daily newsletter forum. How do I put it on there? anybody know? thanks!

  9. #9
    Super Member NikkiLu's Avatar
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    Sending this to all of my snowbound friends all over the country! Thanks so much!

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