First Son Getting Married Friday.... etiquette question
04-29-2015, 05:34 AM
#21
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Illinois
Posts: 211
I love all of the ideas being shared. Yes, we will keep it all equitable with future children, my kids still make sure everything is fair! They live in 454 SF apt in NYC, so they don't have room for much more than what is in there. My MIL made quilts and they cherish her quilts. My future DIL is very picky about things and I don't think I"ll make them a quilt until I know for sure there is a place for it and that she really wants one. I'm a knitter too and offered to make her a shawl for the wedding and it was politely declined, which is FINE, but I know to always ask first!<script type="text/javascript" src="safari-extension://com.ebay.safari.myebaymanager-QYHMMGCMJR/8b0481f0/background/helpers/prefilterHelper.js"></script><script type="text/javascript" src="safari-extension://com.ebay.safari.myebaymanager-QYHMMGCMJR/8b0481f0/background/helpers/prefilterHelper.js"></script>
04-29-2015, 06:28 AM
#22
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 841
We paid for daughter's wedding in full. She inherited part of a set of very nice stainless flatware from grandparents. I bought the pieces that were lost/missing to give her a complete set and the bamboo drawer cutlery tray she wanted. She will also inherit the good silver, could have it anytime she wants it, but she's not interested in anything too precious right now.
04-29-2015, 06:34 AM
#23
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 15,900
I think I would choose a gift that would please your son. Tools, yard equipment, camping gear, something geared to his likes. I had two DD get married and one Son in law's parents gave a nice first anniversary gift, but no wedding gift. DH and I gave each girl a check for the amount we would pay for a wedding and it was their choice to have a fancy wedding or the money for something else (I wasn't about to plan a wedding to please them, I'd be disgusted with their nonsense within a week.) Oldest chose the fancy wedding, the youngest chose a new car for her and a new truck for the groom and got married at city hall with a reception at home. LOL
04-29-2015, 06:36 AM
#24
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Bar Harbor, ME.
Posts: 2,911
My son is getting married in Sept. They signed up at a site where they planned out their honeymoon to Iceland and people can donate various amounts to cover different parts of the trip from airfare to cocktails to hiking events. Sure does make trying to figure out what to get them so much easier since they have been together for 3 years and have the household items covered.
The site is travelersjoy.com in case anytone wants to check it out.
The site is travelersjoy.com in case anytone wants to check it out.
04-29-2015, 06:56 AM
#25
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: MN
Posts: 24,387
I think it depends on how many children one has - and how much one can afford.
Sometimes $100 from someone that only has $200 is "more valuable" than $1,000,000 from someone that is a billionaire.
Attempting to keep things more or less "even" is what we tried for.
Sometimes $100 from someone that only has $200 is "more valuable" than $1,000,000 from someone that is a billionaire.
Attempting to keep things more or less "even" is what we tried for.
04-29-2015, 06:58 AM
#26
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Newnan, Georgia
Posts: 630
YES, we gave our son and his wife new kitchen app. for their new, just built, house, letting them pick out what they wanted. Had I know how she was going to turn out, like not letting use enjoy our grands, I would not have given them anything, or been so welcoming her to our family. My husband feels the same way. She is and has been and will always be a spoiled brat. She hates our other son and I don't know why. He and I have talked about this and he doesn't know or understands why either. I hate holidays and walk on egg shells when she is around. I could go on and on but I want.
04-29-2015, 07:14 AM
#27
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 2,877
Not sure if it is a question of etiquette or finances. Some couples need more than other. And sometimes it is better to wait and see what they need, VS just something to have to open. A big part has to do with your relationship with the bride. If you paid for the wedding AND brought a gift to the shower(s) and now a wedding gift, to me, that would be over the top.
04-29-2015, 07:31 AM
#28
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maryland
Posts: 314
Originally Posted by NJ Quilter
Here's the other end of the spectrum. I have no children (saving fur babies). When I married husband #1, we paid for the wedding; honeymoon, etc. ourselves. It was not a large or lavish wedding. Had a home and all the trimmings for it. My folks gave us $500. They never liked him either.
When I married DH (current) #2 (whom the folks liked) - same deal We paid for everything. Even smaller this time - immediate family only. Got a picnic basket and a check for $300 from folks.
When Bro #1 married- destination; large; lavish wedding - the gift to them was - hotel rooms for everyone on our side of the family; rehearsal dinner; sizeable check. Justification - her folks were spending a lot of $$.
Bro #2 married - local; large wedding. As far as I know - sizeable check.
When sis married - paid for the entire wedding (minus a few small items they required her to pay for -they didn't like her (then) husband either.
My only suggestion - make sure whatever you are doing for this child, you are also able to do (at least in kind) for any other children you may have.
When I married DH (current) #2 (whom the folks liked) - same deal We paid for everything. Even smaller this time - immediate family only. Got a picnic basket and a check for $300 from folks.
When Bro #1 married- destination; large; lavish wedding - the gift to them was - hotel rooms for everyone on our side of the family; rehearsal dinner; sizeable check. Justification - her folks were spending a lot of $$.
Bro #2 married - local; large wedding. As far as I know - sizeable check.
When sis married - paid for the entire wedding (minus a few small items they required her to pay for -they didn't like her (then) husband either.
My only suggestion - make sure whatever you are doing for this child, you are also able to do (at least in kind) for any other children you may have.
04-29-2015, 07:48 AM
#29
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 15,900
Originally Posted by Eva Knight
YES, we gave our son and his wife new kitchen app. for their new, just built, house, letting them pick out what they wanted. Had I know how she was going to turn out, like not letting use enjoy our grands, I would not have given them anything, or been so welcoming her to our family. My husband feels the same way. She is and has been and will always be a spoiled brat. She hates our other son and I don't know why. He and I have talked about this and he doesn't know or understands why either. I hate holidays and walk on egg shells when she is around. I could go on and on but I want.
04-29-2015, 09:38 AM
#30
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 96
My son is getting married in June. Out of state wedding, rehearsal party for 3/4 of wedding guests in up scale restaurant, bus rental to/from hotel to rehearsal party AND actual wedding, our air travel/hotel/car for event, cash to help pay for honeymoon. I think they'll be ok.
I only hope we can do this for the other 2 boys
I only hope we can do this for the other 2 boys
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