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Thread: Funny

  1. #1
    Senior Member tlpa's Avatar
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    These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts' and are
    things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
    published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while
    these exchanges were actually taking place.


    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget.
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
    ___________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
    he
    doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    _________________________ ___________

    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
    ___________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: getting laid
    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    W ITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a
    new
    attorney?
    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Take a guess.
    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
    _____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
    notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
    people?
    WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
    _________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral.
    _________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
    ______________________________________

    And the best for last:

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
    pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No..
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
    began
    the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
    nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
    law.


  2. #2
    Moderator Jim's Gem's Avatar
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    LOL, thanks for the laugh!!!

  3. #3
    Super Member joeyoz's Avatar
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    ROFLMAO!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: It's pathetic, but we actually have lawyers out there like that. :shock: :shock: :shock:

  4. #4
    Super Member Lisanne's Avatar
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    Funny, and I laughed at every one. But all were very believably true, too.

  5. #5
    Super Member MollieSue's Avatar
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    Those were so funny!!!!! lol!!!!!!! :D

  6. #6
    Senior Member Sandy1951's Avatar
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    I laughed so hard at these my dog and visiting granddog sat up and stared at me. I had to wipe my eyes (and get control of my laughing) to read the last one. Very funny! I can't wait to show these to my DH. :lol:

  7. #7
    Moderator littlehud's Avatar
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    I laughed out loud at these. So funny. Thanks for my laugh of the day.

  8. #8
    Power Poster Mousie's Avatar
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    unbelievable, but sigh, believable...funny, all! :D
    Wonder how the judges keep from laughing... :roll:
    maybe they don't try not to :shock: :lol:

  9. #9
    community benefactor Knot Sew's Avatar
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    too funny went from chuckle to all out belly laugh thanks :D :D :D

  10. #10
    a regular here cutebuns's Avatar
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    funny, love them

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