Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. (I thought it was Forty!) but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory. I forget the other two.
You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.
You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything
Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.
When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.
You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can't remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down.
Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.