1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. *After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" *I will* probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....
2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. *He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. * My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, *"Did you start at 1?"
3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. *As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. *Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, *putting them back to bed with stern warnings. *As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
"Who was THAT?"
4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. *"We used to skate outside on a pond. * I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. *We rode our pony. *We picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, *taking this all in. *At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
5. *My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' *"You're both old," he replied.
6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked. *
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
7. *I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. *I would point out *something and ask what color it was. *She would tell me and was always correct. *It was fun for me, so I continued. *At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors *yourself!"
8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, *we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. * Still, a few fireflies followed us in. *Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. *Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." *"Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised *"Mine says I'm 4 to 6."
10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? *We learned how to make babies today." *The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said. *"How do you make babies?" *
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: *"The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." * The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."
12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. *Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. *The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.
"No," said another. "He's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."
13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. *"Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. *Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."