LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT
Being of sound mind (a statement which does not bear close examination) _____________ do hereby record my last will and testament.
Knowing that ____________, my____________(spouse, sibling or keeper) hasn't the least appreciation for or for that matter knowledge of my extensive fabric collection - which collection is suitably deposited in sundry places for safe keeping. Knowing also that ______________, has already notified the local dumpster that should I precede my beloved to the Great Quilt Shop in the Sky, to pick up and dispose of the before mentioned collection, the thought of which causes me a most severe case of hives.
Therefore, I do will this collection and all other collections related to it, to my dear friend and fellow fabric preservationist _____________. It is my wish that ______________, upon hearing of my death and obtaining clear proof that I did not manage, although goodness know I tried, to take it with me, would come to my home post haste, before the dumpster, search out my collection which is similarly stored. That said collection should be rescued and stacked in my quilting studio along with my sewing machines, frames, old buttons, lace, patterns, quilts, dolls and works in progress.
And after this has been done that refreshments should be purchased for my friends, not yet departed, which friends are also _________'s friends, and every last one shall be in that room and they shall hold a wake and say lovely and kind things about me until they run out and then they shall divide amongst themselves, by lot, my wonderful collection.
I shall be hovering over that very spot until this is done. ___________ shall then quit this spot and close the door leaving the car, the house and all the stocks and bonds and other worldly trivialities to those who don't understand.
This is my wish in the matter.
Signed __________________________ Date ______________
Notarized ________________________ Date ______________
My Commission Expires _______________________________