It's not fun getting old!.....funny?
10-17-2010, 05:51 PM
#1
Super Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Crystal River Florida
Posts: 9,785
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
"How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied.
"Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
"How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied.
"Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
10-17-2010, 06:15 PM
#4
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Quilting somewhere......
Posts: 2,591
Originally Posted by Ditter43
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
10-17-2010, 06:23 PM
#5
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 2,103
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
This one describes my FIL. Scary but true.
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
This one describes my FIL. Scary but true.
10-17-2010, 06:34 PM
#6
Junior Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Port Arthur, Tx.
Posts: 259
I love the jokes you send , they give me a good laugh. On this one I especially like the one about eating to prevent wrinkles! That is one of my DH favorite things to tell people when they ask how does he stay so young looking? He is 68 and still a toot!
10-17-2010, 06:41 PM
#7
Super Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Merced, CA
Posts: 4,188
I'm none too sure how to start a new log, but just got this from a friend and can't wait to share it.
Lovely wedding, handsome groom, dignified wedding, but......
This is so funny! They paid a lot for the videographers, and they
did a great job! Look at the clarity and the reactions
they caught. This couple are going to cherish this
video forever. If the bride's laugh
doesn't start you laughing, you've lost your
funny bone.
http://www.flixxy.com/wedding-ceremony.htm
Lovely wedding, handsome groom, dignified wedding, but......
This is so funny! They paid a lot for the videographers, and they
did a great job! Look at the clarity and the reactions
they caught. This couple are going to cherish this
video forever. If the bride's laugh
doesn't start you laughing, you've lost your
funny bone.
http://www.flixxy.com/wedding-ceremony.htm
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
