Sorry if this offends anyone!!
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change
the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had
to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The policy would go into
effect at noon the next day.
So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of
Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the
man, 'Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you
'No problem, the man said. 'I came home to my 25th-floor apartment on
my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in
sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was half naked and yelling
at me as I searched the entire apartment.
Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the
balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips!
The nerve of that guy!
Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he
fell to the ground.
But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that
broke his fall and he didn't ! die. Th is tic ked me off even more.
In a rage, I went back inside to get the first heavy thing I could get
my hands on to throw at him.
Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I
unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It
plummeted 25 stories and crushed him!
The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack
and died almost instantly.'
The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have
a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, 'OK, sir. Welcome
to the Kingdom of Heaven,' and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the Angel's surprise, it
was Donald Trump.
'Mr. Trump, before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your
day was like when you died.'
Trump said, 'No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was
on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been
under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I
guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side
of my balcony!
Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony
below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his
apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I
hit some trees and bushes at the bottom, which broke my fall, so I didn't die
As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in
excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off the
balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly.'
The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Trump finishes his story.
I could get used to this new policy,' he thinks to himself. 'Very well,' the
Angel announces. 'Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,' and he lets Trump enter.
A few seconds later, Bill Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is
almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war pour through the
Angel's head. Finally he says, 'Mr. President, please tell me what it was like
the day you died.'
Clinton says, 'OK, picture this. I'm naked, inside a