Marriage
05-15-2011, 04:44 AM
#1
Super Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Kansas
Posts: 1,526
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsidethe door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsidethe door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
05-15-2011, 06:07 AM
#4
Super Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: chesterfield, mi
Posts: 1,419
with tears in my eyes, I can proudly say I love my husband more and more everyday. We've been married 14 1/2 years and not a day goes by that I'm not thankful I have him in my life and he knows it.
05-15-2011, 10:14 AM
#5
Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 146
As I sit here and cry my eyes out. This hits home sooo much,
My DH and I are acutally married, divorced, and remarried.
We spent a year and 1/2 apart.. I was actually in another relationship when he came back to say he made an awful mistake.
For the last few mos. I have been doing everything to keep us together. We fight, we argue, we are not even intimate anymore. We werent even intimate on our wedding date (2). :( I find myself wishing that we never got back together..
Reading this made me bawl, I am still bawling.. I do love him, I just cannot get us to be nice to one another.
My DH and I are acutally married, divorced, and remarried.
We spent a year and 1/2 apart.. I was actually in another relationship when he came back to say he made an awful mistake.
For the last few mos. I have been doing everything to keep us together. We fight, we argue, we are not even intimate anymore. We werent even intimate on our wedding date (2). :( I find myself wishing that we never got back together..
Reading this made me bawl, I am still bawling.. I do love him, I just cannot get us to be nice to one another.
05-15-2011, 10:31 AM
#7
Super Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: desert area of California
Posts: 2,206
Originally Posted by WinSumLsSm
As I sit here and cry my eyes out. This hits home sooo much,
My DH and I are acutally married, divorced, and remarried.
We spent a year and 1/2 apart.. I was actually in another relationship when he came back to say he made an awful mistake.
For the last few mos. I have been doing everything to keep us together. We fight, we argue, we are not even intimate anymore. We werent even intimate on our wedding date (2). :( I find myself wishing that we never got back together..
Reading this made me bawl, I am still bawling.. I do love him, I just cannot get us to be nice to one another.
My DH and I are acutally married, divorced, and remarried.
We spent a year and 1/2 apart.. I was actually in another relationship when he came back to say he made an awful mistake.
For the last few mos. I have been doing everything to keep us together. We fight, we argue, we are not even intimate anymore. We werent even intimate on our wedding date (2). :( I find myself wishing that we never got back together..
Reading this made me bawl, I am still bawling.. I do love him, I just cannot get us to be nice to one another.
05-15-2011, 10:54 AM
#8
Super Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: La Pine Oregon, USA
Posts: 5,907
I lost my husband to cancer. It's a real wake up call to those left behind. I now have a new husband (6 yrs this summer) and I so appreciate and love him. I also don't want him to have the feelings I had when my husband died. you see, my husband wouldn't quit smoking. I felt he didn't love me enough to want to grow old together. So now I take care of myself (I've never smoked - but I DO love food) and I've been losing weight. I exercise more and plan to be around for a good long time. This story says the same thing only in a different way. Do not take your loved ones for granted. Thank you for posting this story.
05-15-2011, 11:20 AM
#10
Power Poster
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Salem Iowa
Posts: 15,666
I have a handicapped DH and his problems are brain related. so I get so frustrated with him. I have to stop and draw up a column in my mind of his good points when I get so angry at him. Find the things about your spouse you love. My
DH never takes the last of anything without asking me if I want it or share it. He is always willing to fetch for me and often goes and does something for me like bring me a pop or a plate of food without my asking.
But when he hurts my feelings and I get so angry because he doesn't believe me about something I tend to lose sight of why I think he is a wonderfull man I have to stop and remind myself he is not an alcoholic he is not a womanizer he is not a lot of things that could be worse than what he is.
Winsum I hope you can find and remember the good things about your honey. We as humans have a tendency to hang on to the bad and we need to make the effort to find the good and let go of the bad!! It is a work in progress and always will be!
We both come from families that believe divorce is never the answer so we have struggled through some pretty tough times when it would have been so easy to walk out. We used to threaten to leave every time we had a fight. But we never did it. Even went so far as to pack. But we both deep down were committed to this marriage and don't believe in divorce.
We have been together for 36 years and really do love each other. But sometimes when you fight you wonder why you stay! That is natural I guess but it is a choice I would never take. I made my choice 36 yrs ago! I promised for good or bad and I will honor that always!
When we were married 2 yrs my DH had a head injury accident and was in a coma and my MIL told me if I was going to leave him do it while he didnt know about it! I had no desire to leave him but she thought I would since he was on the point of dying! She didn't know how tenacious I can be! LOL
DH never takes the last of anything without asking me if I want it or share it. He is always willing to fetch for me and often goes and does something for me like bring me a pop or a plate of food without my asking.
But when he hurts my feelings and I get so angry because he doesn't believe me about something I tend to lose sight of why I think he is a wonderfull man I have to stop and remind myself he is not an alcoholic he is not a womanizer he is not a lot of things that could be worse than what he is.
Winsum I hope you can find and remember the good things about your honey. We as humans have a tendency to hang on to the bad and we need to make the effort to find the good and let go of the bad!! It is a work in progress and always will be!
We both come from families that believe divorce is never the answer so we have struggled through some pretty tough times when it would have been so easy to walk out. We used to threaten to leave every time we had a fight. But we never did it. Even went so far as to pack. But we both deep down were committed to this marriage and don't believe in divorce.
We have been together for 36 years and really do love each other. But sometimes when you fight you wonder why you stay! That is natural I guess but it is a choice I would never take. I made my choice 36 yrs ago! I promised for good or bad and I will honor that always!
When we were married 2 yrs my DH had a head injury accident and was in a coma and my MIL told me if I was going to leave him do it while he didnt know about it! I had no desire to leave him but she thought I would since he was on the point of dying! She didn't know how tenacious I can be! LOL
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
barnbum
General Chit-Chat (non-quilting talk)
67
12-28-2009 03:23 PM
