The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kidsmyself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own secondgrade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a fewsessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually,show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, picturesof fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them.. If they want to lug it in to school and talkabout it, they're welcome. Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed underher sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my babybrother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.' 'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dadput a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for ninemonths through an umbrella cord.' She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm tryingnot to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement. 'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh,Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walkedaround the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.) 'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but shedoesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie downin bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against thewall.) 'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there incase he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little handsmiming water flowing away. It was too much!) 'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe,breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of asudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they allsaid it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot oftoys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling upin there.' Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it'sshow-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comesalong.