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Thread: Monday funny

  1. #1
    Super Member Ditter43's Avatar
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    GOD:

    Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.

    St. FRANCIS:
    It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

    GOD:
    Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

    ST. FRANCIS:
    Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

    GOD:
    The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

    ST. FRANCIS:
    Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.

    GOD:
    They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

    ST. FRANCIS:
    Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

    GOD:
    They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

    ST. FRANCIS:
    No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

    GOD:
    Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

    ST. FRANCIS:
    Yes, Sir.

    GOD:
    These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

    ST. FRANCIS:
    You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

    GOD:
    What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.

    ST. FRANCIS:
    You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

    GOD:
    No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

    ST. FRANCIS:
    After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

    GOD:
    And where do they get this mulch?

    ST. FRANCIS:
    They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

    GOD:
    Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore.. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

    ST. CATHERINE:
    'Dumb and Dumber', Lord. It's a story about....

    GOD:
    Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

  2. #2
    springtime's Avatar
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    Thanks Ditter. Sure does clarify ones perspective! LOL
    Blessings.

  3. #3
    Super Member Ditter43's Avatar
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    Isn't that the truth!! Some of the "weeds" are every bit as pretty as the flowers we buy from the store!

  4. #4
    Ms. Shawn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ditter43
    GOD:

    Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.

    St. FRANCIS:
    It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

    GOD:
    Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

    ST. FRANCIS:
    Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

    GOD:
    The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

    ST. FRANCIS:
    Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.

    GOD:
    They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

    ST. FRANCIS:
    Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

    GOD:
    They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

    ST. FRANCIS:
    No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

    GOD:
    Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

    ST. FRANCIS:
    Yes, Sir.

    GOD:
    These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

    ST. FRANCIS:
    You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

    GOD:
    What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.

    ST. FRANCIS:
    You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

    GOD:
    No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

    ST. FRANCIS:
    After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

    GOD:
    And where do they get this mulch?

    ST. FRANCIS:
    They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

    GOD:
    Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore.. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

    ST. CATHERINE:
    'Dumb and Dumber', Lord. It's a story about....

    GOD:
    Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
    As always you are so funny!! My DH really liked that one he has his own lawn and Garden business!!! :lol: :lol:

  5. #5
    bkb
    bkb is offline
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    Ditter I am proud to n say I am not one of them there suburbanites! We do mow but it goes right back in our ground and we even get our neighbors leaves! It is a sin when people do not compost. Book of bkb chapter 4 verse 7.

  6. #6
    Senior Member
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    thank you so very much for this! every spring my DH and I have a major fight about lawn care. He wants to spray chemicals to weed and feed the lawn but I always tell him if he will put it in a large glass and drink it then he can put it on the lawn. He hates our lawn with the beautiful clovers and dandy puffs but I love it and want to keep our little piece of green safe pure and natural as possible for our children. besides what would i get to put on my windowsill all summer long it not for the dandy puffs and clovers.

  7. #7
    Super Member Ditter43's Avatar
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    Our neighbors spend a lot of time and money trying to get rid of "weeds". We just let them grow....when you cut the grass it all looks the same anyway!!

  8. #8
    Super Member CraftsByRobin's Avatar
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    I SO LOVE THIS!!! So appropriate and so true!

  9. #9
    Super Member hobo2000's Avatar
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    Ditter, you did it to me again...Laughed so hard had to run. It is so true. Thanks so making my day.

  10. #10
    Moderator littlehud's Avatar
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    Oh so funny.

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