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Thread: The mooching person who wants to quilt

  1. #1
    joan_quilts's Avatar
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    Ok, I will try to explain the best that I can what I mean by the mooching person.

    My son is married to a wonderful girl. Her mom is 55, 10 years older than me, and grew up poor in a large family. Her dad died when she was little, so the older kids helped out with the younger kids.

    We live in a very rural area and everyone is somehow related to each other, etc. I am NOT from here so I have had to adapt to the way people are here. Still haven't but I have tried! LOL

    Anyways, Evelyn, the mooch, is always telling me how priveledged I am, and how many wonderful things I have, and I must be "rich" and I have no clue what it is like to be poor.

    Ok, dh and I have worked hard for what we have! NOBODY gave us anything! We do have a nice home, nothing fancy, but nice and we own 2 descent vehichles. That does not make me rich or not understand about money! I have been poor, a few times, and therefore by the grace of God, things got better.

    Anyways, she came over to make a baby quilt for her grandson. Ok, I can be kind and share what I have since she is sooooo poor. This woman saves used wrapping paper and eats mayonaise that expired a year ago! She is not poor now, but she thinks she is.

    Well, she goes through my stash the other day, which ticked me off because she acts like it is hers. Then she says that I won't be needing all my fabric since dh and I are planning on moving to Florida next year. She could just use my stuff and help me out! HUH?!

    I can get along with this woman for the sake of keeping peace in the family but she drives me nuts! She and her husband are a bit odd, but I try so hard to keep my mouth shut because I don't want my dil to feel bad. She knows how her mom is and always appologizes for her. I told her not to worry.

    I am not going to just let her come to my home and help herself to what is mine. Being tactful doesn't work with this woman and I am going to have to be firm. Maybe I will put out a donation jar! LOL I tried explaining to her some of my fabric was expensive and I am saving it for my own use. She just stares at me like "so"?

    Any ideas?

  2. #2
    Super Member Murphy's Avatar
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    No excuse for bad manners. Make it clear what she can choose from and what she can't. You do not need to apologize for working hard and you don't need to accept her comments that you are "rich" and wouldn't understand. She is just trying to guilt you into perpetuating her bad behavior; don't bite :wink:

  3. #3
    Super Member seamstome's Avatar
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    Wow, every family has one of these people dont they? On my side it was my Aunt Catherine. On my hubby's, it is his mother.

    No is all that works. Then they whine and whine until the next sucker comes along. Say no thank you and stand firm. DIL knows.

  4. #4
    Power Poster Lacelady's Avatar
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    Since diplomacy doesn't seem to be working, do you have a place where you could put a lot of your stash (stuff that you absolutely want to keep for yourself and not have to fight for it). Leave what you are prepared to share where it has always been.

    If she comments that suddenly you don't have so much, you don't have to reply to that, just change the subject.

  5. #5
    Super Member Rebecca VLQ's Avatar
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    Welllllll....

    I'm not sure why she can just rifle through your stuff. That would bother me. So, yes. Stand up for yourself.

    Can you head her off at the pass? Like, where's your stash located? Is it in a "common area" of the house? Is your sewing room an actual ROOM that can be closed off?

    In the future, if she announces she's going to shop your stash, engage her by asking what she's going to make. Ask if she's started choosing her fabrics yet. Somehow, turn the conversation to HER going shopping at a REAL store so she can select what she wants, and if she gets stuck or needs something to give it va-va-voom, bring what she's chosen over and you'll help her find something to complement what she's already PURCHASED.

    If she's a little off, she may get bent outta shape anyway. And since DIL knows what kind of person SHE is and what kind of person YOU are, you're in the clear.

    It's not really a matter of if you paid $1 a yard or $10...YOU selected YOUR fabric for YOUR stash. If she wants to start quilting, GREAT. But it's a very personal thing to select things for yourself, and she should take care in shopping, and not just TAKING from you. It's good to share and cooperate, it's not good to take advantage. She may not know that's what she's doing, but she sure sounds like she feels entitled.

  6. #6
    Super Member CoyoteQuilts's Avatar
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    I'd probably tell her I am rich because I am greedy and won't share! Like a little kid, 'IT'S MINE!'

  7. #7
    Super Member Rebecca VLQ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CoyoteQuilts
    I'd probably tell her I am rich because I am greedy and won't share! Like a little kid, 'IT'S MINE!'
    :lol:

    This made me laugh.

  8. #8
    Power Poster Sadiemae's Avatar
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    No Way! The only person that would be in my house going through my stuff without permission is my sister and that is because I have told her many times if she needs something to just come and get it. I don't really have anything worth much except sewing machines, but it is still mine. I would share with people who need it, but it sounds like she is just a pain in the neck and likes to make you feel guilty.

  9. #9
    Super Member suebee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Murphy
    No excuse for bad manners. Make it clear what she can choose from and what she can't. You do not need to apologize for working hard and you don't need to accept her comments that you are "rich" and wouldn't understand. She is just trying to guilt you into perpetuating her bad behavior; don't bite :wink:
    Ditto!!!! I dont know why some people feel the need to say stupid things like that. MOST people do work hard for their money. She definitely has issues, you will need to be firm.

  10. #10
    Lisa T's Avatar
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    Ugh- when someone is like that I think you can be firm and almost "rude" back. They don't understand anything else. I have most of my fabric sorted into two shelf units. I tell my friends that they can "borrow" from the one closet but the other is stuff I have plans in mind for and they can't have that stuff. I put all the stuff that I don't LOVE in the one closet- mostly stuff I got thrifting or on sale or whatever. Some of it was pricey but I don't care for the color or design anymore.

    That works with my friends/family, though, because they share back with me. I would be frustrated in your shoes too. Some people just don't get it. :0(

    I am glad that your DIL is very nice, though. That is the important part. :0)

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