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Thread: Ok, I nearly peed myself lauging - CAT BATHS

  1. #11
    cynde's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    These people need to read the cat bathing instructions:

    How To Bathe A Cat

    (Note: Jeffery LaCroix is a veterinarian with an office in
    Wilmington. He writes a column for the Morning Star called
    "From Paws to Tails."

    Here is his response to a letter regarding bathing a cat:)

    Dear Dr. LaCroix: I've heard that cats never have to be
    bathed, and that they have some sort of special enzyme in
    their saliva that keeps them clean. This doesn't sound
    believable to me because there are definite "kitty" odors
    on my couch and dirty cat paw prints on our white hearth.
    Is this true about the saliva? If we do decide to give
    "Nice Kitty" a bath, how do we do that? - NSP, Wilmington

    Dear NSP: Fortunately for you, several years ago a client
    gave me a written set of instructions about cat bathing
    which I am privileged to share with you:

    Cat Bathing As A Martial Art

    A. Know that although the cat has the advantage of
    quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have
    the advantage of strength.

    Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield.
    Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force
    you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom.

    If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend
    that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding
    -glass doors as if you were about to take a shower.
    (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk
    cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than
    a politician can shift positions.)

    B. Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to
    remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here
    is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect

    I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top
    construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army
    helmet, a hockey face-mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.

    C. Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat
    nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish.
    (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have
    little or no interest in fashion as a rule.)

    D. Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to
    survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door,
    step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip
    the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo.

    You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life.

    E. Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has
    soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded.

    Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three
    seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must
    remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub
    like crazy.

    He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby
    rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three
    latherings, so don't expect too much.)

    F. Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always
    assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans
    generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just
    getting really determined.

    In fact, the drying is simple compared with what you have
    just been through.

    That's because by now the cat is semi-permanently affixed to
    your right leg.

    You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for your
    towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up
    clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens,
    the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to
    encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is
    drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach
    down and dry the cat.

    In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from
    your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about
    three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his
    back to you.

    He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed
    stare of a plaster figurine.

    You will be tempted to assume he is angry.

    This isn't usually the case.

    As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your
    defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide
    to give him a bath.

    But at least now he smells a lot better.

  2. #12
    Super Member Chele's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Belle Isle, Florida
    Poor kitties! Cracked me up!

  3. #13
    community benefactor Knot Sew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    We still laugh about the time my daughter gave the cat a bath.....he always looked dusty....she had scratches on both arms..he went up the side of the shower and over the glass doors.....end of bath....first and last. She was 19 I told her cats don't take well to baths :twisted:

  4. #14
    Moderator tlrnhi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    In the middle of a mess...
    I love those pictures. lol
    I know, mean. lol

    We had a cat that used to love getting in the tub and taking baths. Yes, he was a strange cat!

  5. #15
    Super Member sewjoyce's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Oh my goodness -- the pictures are just hilarious and the instructions on how to bathe a cat are priceless (glad I just visited the bathroom or I would have had an accident for sure :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: )

  6. #16
    Super Member Moonpi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Central FL
    Too funny!

  7. #17
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Alturas, CA
    I can certainly understand why you almost had an accident!!! Just about had one myself.

  8. #18
    Senior Member genghis khan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    I dont think id ever try that with mine becouse she would surely get even with me this is too funny

  9. #19
    Senior Member genghis khan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Oh, i almost forgot though i did iron may cat once though it could follow the bath idea
    Attached Images Attached Images

  10. #20
    Power Poster amma's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Out searching for some sunshine :-)
    Blog Entries
    :lol: :lol: :shock: :lol: :lol: :shock: :lol: :lol: Thanks for posting these, I needed a good laugh :lol: :lol: :lol:

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