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Thread: One Liners and Shorts...funny!

  1. #1
    Super Member Ditter43's Avatar
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    1 . Two blondes walk into a building......you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

    2. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'

    3. I went to buy some camouflage pants the other day but I couldn't find any.

    4. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said,
    'No, the steaks are too high.'

    5. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

    6 . A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'
    The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'.

    7. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.

    8. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

    91. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
    Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'

    10. 'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'
    'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. '
    'Is it common?'
    'It's not unusual.'

    11. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'
    'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'
    So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?'
    'No, because he's really heavy'

  2. #2
    Super Member C.Cal Quilt Girl's Avatar
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    Oh you..... yes, I had to read some of those twice ;)
    Thanks for the Laughs !! :)

  3. #3
    Super Member CoyoteQuilts's Avatar
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    Where do you get these things? My DH just said, 'You know, those are really bad, don't you?' BUT the gave us both a smile!

  4. #4
    Senior Member hannajo's Avatar
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    Thanks, Ditter! Those really made me laugh.

  5. #5
    a regular here hazeljane's Avatar
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    I have a someone risque one for you:

    A sadist and a masochist get together, and the sadist ties up the masochist so he can't move. The masochist says: "Okay, now hurt me"

    And the masochist says "no."

  6. #6
    Banned
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    Good ones....Funny!

  7. #7
    Senior Member grannyQ's Avatar
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    Just love your jokes. I usually show my hubby and he cracks up to. Keep them coming.

  8. #8
    Power Poster CarrieAnne's Avatar
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    lol!

  9. #9
    Super Member Dollysquiltingmom's Avatar
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    LOL!!

  10. #10
    Super Member tjradj's Avatar
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    Ditter, you're a funny gal.
    Keep it coming.

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