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Thread: Priceless Observations

  1. #1
    Super Member Ditter43's Avatar
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    Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'
    - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
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    I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'

    - Eleanor Roosevelt
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    Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..
    - Mark Twain


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    The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
    - George Burns


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    Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
    - Victor Borge


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    Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
    - Mark Twain


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    By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
    - Socrates


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    I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
    - Groucho Marx


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    My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
    - Jimmy Durante


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    I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
    - Zsa Zsa Gabor


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    Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
    - Alex Levine


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    My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
    - Rodney Dangerfield


    **********
    Money can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
    - Spike Milligan


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    Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
    - Joe Namath


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    I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
    - Bob Hope


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    I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..
    - W. C. Fields


    ***********
    We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
    - Will Rogers


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    Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
    - Winston Churchill
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    Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..
    - Phyllis Diller


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    By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
    - Billy Crystal


    **********
    And the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good spit it out.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  2. #2
    Moderator Jim's Gem's Avatar
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    :lol: :lol: :lol:

  3. #3
    Super Member charismah's Avatar
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    Those are great! Ditter you have a great sense of humor!

  4. #4
    Super Member virtualbernie's Avatar
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    Keep them coming! Your jokes always makes my day.

  5. #5
    Super Member JenniePenny's Avatar
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    A woman once said to Winston Churchill, "If you my my husband, I would poison you."

    To which he replied, "If you were my wife, I would drink it."

  6. #6
    Moderator littlehud's Avatar
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    So funny. Thanks for my daily laugh.

  7. #7
    Moderator littlehud's Avatar
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    So funny. Thanks for my daily laugh.

  8. #8
    Super Member kwiltkrazy's Avatar
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    Ditter, thanks, my hubby and I got a lot of laughs from your quotes.

  9. #9
    Power Poster CarrieAnne's Avatar
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    Those are so funny!!!!!!

  10. #10
    Lady Shivesa's Avatar
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    Had me literally laughing out loud several times. Thanks for the sunshine. ^_^

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