Quiltingboard Forums - *HOLIDAY EATING TIPS*

*HOLIDAY EATING TIPS*

*1.* *Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots,
leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
**
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You
cannot find
it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has
10,000
calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an
eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for
me. Have
two. It's later than you think. It will soon be Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
gravy.
Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your
mashed
potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports
car
with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
your
eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other
people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
Year's.
You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the
time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table
while
carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted
Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near
them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the
center of
attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them
behind,
you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or
if you
don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
three.
When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day**?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory
celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, please, have
some
standards!

10. One final tip: Wear sweatpants/loose fitting clothing. If you are
leaving the party and you can walk without help from a construction
forklift, "you haven't been paying attention, people!" Re-read tips;
start
over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this
motto to
live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up,
totally
worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"