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Best Divorce Letter Ever

Dear wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell
You that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good man to you for 7
Years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been
Hell. Your boss called to tell me that you
Quit your job today & that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home & didn't even
Notice I had a new haircut, had
Cooked your favorite meal & even
Wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went
Straight to sleep after watching all of
Your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore;
You don't want sex or anything
That connects us as husband & wife.
Either you're cheating on me or
You don't love me anymore; whatever!
The case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are
Moving away to West Virginia together!
Have a great life!

Dear
Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a
Good man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your
Constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but
The 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!'
Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't
Say something nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you
Must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because
I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you
Because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & ; I prayed
It was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50
From me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work
It out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit
My job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home
You were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope
You have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that
The letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So
Take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister
Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem