>
> > HOW FIGHTS START
> >
> > My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels.
> > She asked, 'What's on TV?'
> > I said, 'Dust.'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> > My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we
> > were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have s?"
> > "No," she answered.
> > I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
> > She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
> > So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
> > And then the fight started....
> >
> > ******************************************
> > Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
> > slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van,
> > and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was
> > blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
> > radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
> > I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
> > bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
> > anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
> > My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid
> > husband is out fishing in that?"
> > And that's how the fight started...
> >
>
> >
> > *****************************************
> > My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
> > She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
> > seconds.'
> > I bought her a bathroom scale.
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> > When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some
> > place expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
> > And then the fight started....
> >
> > ******************************************
> > After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
> > Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my
> > driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and
> > realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was
> > very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
> > The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt
> > revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your
> > chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security
> > application.
> > When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
> > Social Security office.
> > She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
> > disability, too.'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> > My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I
> > kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone
> > at a nearby table.
> > My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
> > 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
> > drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear
> > she hasn't been sober since.'
> > 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
> > celebrating that long?'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> > I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my
> > order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."
> > He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
> > Nah, she can order for herself."
> > And then the fight started..
> >
> > ******************************************
> > A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was
> > not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel
> > horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.. I really need you to pay me a
> > compliment.'
> > The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
> > And then the fight started.....
> >

Thank for the laughs Ninnie. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

sounds like our house - and comments DH would make - gotta love him - but sometimes LIKE is a stretch

Funny! I especially loved the second one.

most definitely, to all you said! lol, Ninnie...like the LOCKHORNS :lol:

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Thanks for the laughs.

Lots of laughs, especially one about social security, a good way to start the day. May in Jersey

Thanks for the laughs, Ninnie!

Here's something TRUE from our family:

Mom to Dad (with her wearing a new outfit that she made): Well, how do I look?
Dad: You look great...I don't care what anyone says!
And then the fight started!
=========================================
Actually, this WAS one of my Dad's lines and we knew it well. Mom. Sis and I didn't have a problem laughing at this! He and we knew very well to count only that first part that Dad said. We always had a full understanding that he admired our talents and how we looked in our outfits.

Here are some others jokes on this...

Ole and Lena were visiting friends. Lena mentioned that their handsome young reverend had paid her a compliment..."He said I looked like a breath of Spring." Ole snorted and said, "Lena, that's not exactly da vay he put it. Vhat he SAID vas...you looked like da end of a long, hard winter."

And that's how the fight started!

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and
screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'
The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
And then the fight started.....

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Lite for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better than the cold cream at night . . . . . . and that's how the fight started.

awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!