I wrote this for English a few weeks ago. I recieved a 98% on the paper due to minor errors. I thought I'd share it with you for a laugh.

How to Sell Your Sister

Do you have a younger sibling or rather younger sister that is driving you nuts and you want to get rid of her? Then this process is for you! I have come up with a fool proof way of ridding yourself of that nuisance your parents decided to bring home. In just a matter of minutes you can transform your life from the scapegoat to the only child! In just three easy to follow steps, you and your parents can be free of the burden of looking after another child.

In this first step, all you have to do is propose a trade to your neighbor or your local pet shop. How this is accomplished is by approaching the neighbor or pet shop owner and suggesting they trade their pet for your sister. Now, it is suggested that you go for a dog, since this will fetch the same amount in the pet shop as your parents most likely paid for the child in question. Yes, fifteen hundred dollars is a lot for a human, but at least you will not have to pay that for the dog now that you have traded your sister. If this fails, and I don’t see how it possibly could, you can always opt for step two.

Step two is much like step one and a little bit like Ebay, you ask complete strangers if they will buy your sister. You start the asking price at about fifty cents and if this is still too low, you may raise the price. Trust me when I say no one, even a gypsy, is going to pay more than twenty dollars for a child, so you must be willing to bargain with the potential buyer. Be sure to name all the best attributes this child just so happens to have, like they sleep through the night, they are potty trained and they don’t smell like old dirty socks or dirty diapers. If they are unwilling to buy your sister, then you must opt for the last and final step.

Step three is a last resort and should only be used in extremely hard to sell cases. You will need to ask your parents if there really are gypsies that buy children and not return them to their original owners. I know this may sound crazy but trust me when I say, so many children are returned solely because they refuse to do any work or are not accustomed to the strenuous travel. There are many gypsy groups that have a strict no return to original owner policy; these particular groups are very hard to find, especially in this economy. All you need to do is find one and sell your sister for the lowest agreed upon price.

If any of these wonderful steps fail, there is the option to graduate high school and move away to college. Once at college you are free of the turmoil your sister can bring to your life. Yes, you will still need to be under the same roof as them during holiday vacations and summer vacation, but at least you will have eight to nine months of no sibling rivalry. If you found this to be informative, please pick up a copy of, “How to Freak Out Your College Roommate: And Get That Dorm Room to Yourself”. All proceeds from this publication and others go to the Alu Rathbone College Fund.

It's a really funny piece. Many people can relate to the emotions and situations described. Have fun writing in other genre, too.

very nice story....however, I regret to inform you that your sister will still be a pain in your @#$ for many, many, many years...ask me...mine is 50 and still acts up in public. I have learned to ignore most of her antics, but she still can annoy me.

Haha! I know!!! I tried to be rid of her, it just never worked! ha! Ah well!

Thank you!

Well, I thought I was put on earth just to mess with my prissy little sister and I never hesitate when/if I get the chance! (I'm 68, she's 64...)

hehe... we argue like cats and dogs, but we love each other! we are five years apart, and I'm the oldest. I don't have this issue with my youngest sister. Shes ten years younger than me.

We don't argue. I'm very nonconfrontational. If she says something I don't agree with, I just pass on it and change the subject.

My sister is 17 and just had a baby back in march... things have mellowed since then... but I was her pregnancy enemy.

OMG! We have the same sister!?

I regret to inform you Alu- the gypsies are a fairy tale. I waited for years for them to come for my sisters. hehe. I have 5 sisters and none ever went away. I get along with 1 because she never calls, but when we are together I want to throw up after 5 minutes. My sister, 15 mos. younger than me- always beat me up as a kid and now we get along famously. The next 3 are various degrees of constant irritation. I have learned to ignore people from having to deal with these women.

And prayers don't work either- I used to pray to God that I was adopted and my real family would show up for me. (Now that I think of it- do you think my real siblings sold me to the gypsies and that means they will never come for me?)

Someday you will learn to love your sister for the PITA she is and let things slide for peace in the family. (Although it took me 50 years figure that out.)

BTW- great writing- I enjoyed reading it and I now have a smile on my face. :)

Okay now that I'm smiling I guess I won't have to pound my sister . . . today. I have 3 sisters, two older and one younger. On any given day I would trade one or the other of them for, oh heck I would give them away. Maybe we should have a big ole sister swap! Other people's sisters never seem to be as annoying as one's own.

My sister is 4 yrs older but it may as well be 20. SHe was always the prim and proper, Who me? sister. Then there was me. Always, always into something. Her three boys as they grew up would spend countless hours at my house because we had fun. They had parties at my house etc. So Although I never tried to sell her (wannted to keep her around to torture), she left early and I had the hosue to myself thru college. Still the baby and spoiled to this day. Great paper ALu.

I am the youngest of three sisters and I have no idea what you are talking about. I never bothered my sisters. LOL

I am the oldest and my sister and I have never fought about anything. Weird huh. But my younger brother is a different story. I wish I had had your instructions when he was little. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I wish those gypsies had been real! When ever my sister and I acted up, my mom would be like, cut it out or I'm selling you to the gypsies. Haha

Thanks every one! I'm glad you all had a laugh!

Well written!
I tell my 7 year old to behave or I will put him on Ebay = we have been selling my Dads vintage bikes, so he knows what it means.
As for my sisters - wouldn't ever trade them, they are my best friends. Always were.

You may get a chuckle out of this ... my middle daughter actually did post an ad on Ebay to sell her little sister. Ebay pulled it within a day once they realized she wasn't trying to sell a series of books about sisters, but her actual annoying, little sister. A few years ago when I was cleaning out their room, I found a newspaper clipping. It was a classified ad form that the same daughter had filled out to sell her little sister. She never tried to sell her older sister, just the younger one. I still have that newspaper clipping stashed away. I have a younger sister, so I understand how she feels, but I got a great laugh out of it at the time. They are 18 and 20 now, with a 22 yr old older sister ... I hope they will appreciate each other more when they are older.

Newspaper clipping? WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT!!! Ahaha... I'm happy to know I'm not alone!

LOL! Great paper! I got a laugh out of it.

it didn't work!https://cdn.quiltingboard.com/images/smilies/frown.png

LOLOL. Too funny!!!!!!!

Hello Alu,
Nice to see you once again. I hope college is going well.

Very funny paper, I have 4 sisters, 2 have gone on their journey home. One sister lives in Michigan we talk weekly for hours on the phone, thank goodness for unlimited long distance. The 3 I spoke of I was not raised with them so our relationship was a lot different than the one with my youngest sister.
I guess you could say we had the best sister friendship growing up. We never fought, we shared the same room until I was 17. She was there when I was in labor and gave birth to her namesake (all 17 hours of labor then a c-section). When were became adults we were pure terrorists on society...lol
Our parents raised all of us to take care of one another and back their play when needed. so there were a few times I had to scare the hibby jibbies out of someone.....lol


All in all I do love my sisters...although I wish Mom had left the oldest one in the cabbage patch where she found her......LOL

Very clever story. Put a laugh in my day, that's for sure. I had an older and a younger sister. With the age differences between us, we were more friends than enemies, but my sister being closer to my age annoyed the heck out of me when I turned 13 or 14 and she was about 7. After I went off to college, she couldn't treat me any sweeter than she did. We are best of friends to this day. My older sister died 10/12 years ago. Thanks again for the laugh.

Ha! Such a funny thread! Great paper! Sounds like there are a lot of us out here who can identify! I couldn’t wait to have a baby sister..I was 8 when she was born. What a bitter disappointment when she got spoiled rotten shortly thereafter! Mom was 42 when she was born, so I guess that happens. She was always a pampered princess..still is..but somewhere along the way I decided to let her live and we have developed a grownup relationship. Thanks for the chuckles!

I always wanted a sister so I cannot relate. I was in the middle of 4 boys.