*Went to the cemetery the other day and saw 4 men carrying a coffin. 3 hours later I saw the same 4 men with the same coffin. Thought to myself - "They've lost the plot!"
*I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. *Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. *Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. *The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. *The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered. *The optician backed into the lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself. *Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. *To write with a broken pencil is pointless. *When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate. *The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium-at-large. *A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. *A thief broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal. *Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking. *We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply. *When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A. *The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it. *The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground. *The dead batteries were given out free of charge. *If you take your laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory. *A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail. *A bicycle can't stand alone. It is two tired. *A will is a dead giveaway. *Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. *A backward poet writes inverse. *In a democracy, it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes. *A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion. *If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed. *With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. *Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner. *When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. *A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart. *You are stuck with your debt it you can't budge it. *Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under. *He broke into song because he couldn't find the key. *A calendar's days are numbered. *A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine. *A hard boiled egg is hard to beat. *He had a photogenic memory which was never developed. *A plateau is a high form of flattery. *When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall. *If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine. *When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye. |
Those are great! Sending to my un-punny friends now. :-)
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Good ones!!!!
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:lol: :lol:
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Funny!
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:D:D:D
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:)
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SOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!
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LOL! thanks for posting :)
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LOL! This was great have to share with friends at the office.
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