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Thread: A Three Year Old Tells ALL!!!!

  1. #1
    Senior Member Sassylass's Avatar
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    A Three Year Old Tells ALL!!!!

    A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
    By Shannon Popkin

    My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window.

    People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned- 3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked. There've been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco.

    Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall:

    "Mommy, areou gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on DA toiwet paper now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?"

    At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full .. 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity.

    Cade continued, "Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh .. Mommy! I'm trying to see in dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!"

    I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting.

    Trying to! divethim , I said, "Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy We'll both have some!" "No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies. Oh! Mommy!" He started to gag at this point. "Uh oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!"

    As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.

    "Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!" He grunted as he tried to pull me off.

    Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door.
    "Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under DA door? What were you wooking at, Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?"

    More laughtr.I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation.
    "Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy." He started pounding on the door. "Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!"

    I saw that my "wait 'em out" plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud. My first thought was complete emabarassment, then I thought, "Where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my dignity and privacy?" But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.

    (Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three. She lives with her family in Grand Rapids , Michigan , where she no longer uses public restrooms)
    If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. -Will Rogers

  2. #2
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    That was great! I had a little one just like him.

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    Super Member Wine Woman's Avatar
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    Out of the mouth of babes!
    Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much
    Stay flexible you won't get bent out of shape.

    Barking Frog Winery, Carlton, Oregon

  4. #4
    Super Member auntpiggylpn's Avatar
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    I can't stop laughing! Thanks for sharing!
    No one has ever become poor by giving. - Anne Frank
    Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

    http://www.etsy.com/shop/TheQuiltedPig

  5. #5
    Moderator Up North's Avatar
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    My DDIL was just telling us a story about her 4 year old, They were in Walmart and she was looking at Bras he saw the underwear and grabbed a package and loudly insisted he did not see her wear them so she needed to buy some. She said all the way to the checkout he kept saying "Mommy you need to buy underwear, I do not see you were them, You need to wear them" She was so embarrassed.

  6. #6
    Super Member maryb119's Avatar
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    Thanks for the laugh!!! As the mother of 6...I can relate to those embaressing but endearing, little moments.

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    Super Member jitkaau's Avatar
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    The best one I had was when my two year old niece announced to everyone that 'Aunty put socks on up here', whilst pointing both index fingers at her chest.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Wendys Quilts's Avatar
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    Lol too funny!!!!

  9. #9
    Super Member Amythyst02's Avatar
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    Thank you so much for my morning laugh...nothing starts a day out better than being able to smile and enjoy something you have read here.
    Amythyst

  10. #10
    Super Member GailG's Avatar
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    Wonderful story! I once brought my 6 y/o into a voting booth with me. There was a long line of voters waiting right outside the booths. As I registered my vote, my son read it in his "best reading voice." OHGsh! I was so thankful that I had voted for our relative that was running for re-election. As he read it, I froze. Out of the booth I heard snickers and laughter. I made my way out of there in a hurry. After that I always got baby sitters when I needed to go to the polls.
    One step at a time, always forward.

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