Nanamoms

[quote=Sally 1612]I don't understand nor speak spanish. so making friends is almost impossible. This really makes things hard. No I am not in Mexico .

I don't quite understand this...there should be plenty of English speaking people in TX...you shouldn't have to speak Spanish. Is it the area you live in? I'm sure there are board members near you that would love to meet for lunch or maybeyou could join a local guild. You would meet so many people who have the same interests.

It's hard sometimes to branch out but just take it a step at a time!!

sculham

you never know when something will happen I lost a dear friend this summer at 55 years of age. She was hit by lightening while tubing in the Ausable River.

Joyce99

Make a list of things you will need to do. Be detailed about it. Then, if you ever need the list, you will have it to guide you without doing any thinking which is hard to do during a stressful time. When my husband passed suddenly, I made a list but it was two days before I realized I hadn't included calling his sister! And, I concur, don't make any big changes for about a year. Grief is a form of temporary insanity (ask me how I know :)) and a person can find herself making all sorts of odd decisions.

Ramona Byrd

I agree with the others about the Health Care Power of Attorney for both of you naming the other as the person to make health care decisions in case you can't. I would also suggest you each do a Durable Power of Attorney naming the other person so they can make financial and care decisions, as well. I needed the Durable Power of Attorney to admit my Mother into a nursing home so I could sign the paperwork since she could not.
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After DH's next to last stroke, I had the Power of Attorney (made out by our lawyer) which gave me the ability to choose his nursing home and what treatment he wanted (that he had signed at the lawyer's office). Having all these papers ready really did cut down ANY flack that might have otherwise come from his kids from first marriage, but they read the papers and then agreed with everything I did. Nice people, thanks to a forward thinking Dad. All through our marriage he made sure I knew what was what and we discussed all this for years, just in case.

drw1mjw2

Yes, we have discussed it. We have current wills, power of attorneys and living wills. It is a must to know the other person's wishes and have a plan in mind. I would not be living in a six bedroom house away from my children. Even though I have many many friends in the area I would be moving.

mhansen6

Yes, we have discussed it throughly. My FIL just passed away and that brought up the topic. If my husband goes first I plan to move where my family lives so I would have a support system. I don't want to stay in our huge house all by myself.

Wunder-Mar

Yes, we talked this through several years ago and revisit the decisions when the family dynamic changes (a new grandchild born into a family might mean changing my plans to live with them, for example). I'm set, I know what I'll bring with me and where I'll go. It's a relief, actually, to have made these decisions when things are far, far calmer.

jbrother

AARP has a great website for women called, Create.Decide.Share. The AARP website is http://www.aarp.org/relationships/ca...T-DECIDE_BMWM. Women tend to live longer than their spouses, so it is important for women to be prepared, and this website is great for that. It talks about finances, it talks about estate planning, it talks about community resources that are available if you need assistance if you're a widow, and most important, it talks about important conversations you need to have with husbands, family members and friends. I have found it to be very valuable, because people don't generally like to think about the day a spouse may not be there, so they don't plan, and they end up not having options. Husbands tend to assume that they have taken care of everything, so there's no need for discussion, when there is so much that we need to know to manage financially, how to maintain a home, what needs to be done once a spouse dies, and a whole host of other issues. I also went through this with my mother when my father died suddenly, and he had always taken care of everything, so she didn't know what she needed to know to live beyond him. The stress of that added to grief and her poor health I think, hastened her death. I won't have the same outcome because I will plan for that contingency. My two cents' worth.

PATTIESPEARL

have never talked about it to DH, but 2 of my 3 sons live within 5 miles of me and I have a town full of friends here.

mshawii

I have always been told not to make any legal decisions till a year has passed. We own our home and one of the things I worried about was how I could keep this house and yard up by myself. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, so I can't do outside work very well. I am 70 now. My husband said to sell the house would be foolish because I can hire yard work and someone to maintain the house cheaper than moving into a senior residential home or selling and then renting an apartment. I am not afraid to live alone. I would definitely get an animal as a companion tho. I have two kids and one lives in Georgia and says when the time comes, I should move out there. The other son lives in Eastern Oregon out in the country and I would go stark raving mad living out there where there is no one near by. All my friends live here and they are important to me. So I probably would stay put. Jan