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Thread: when the chips are down?

  1. #1
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    When you must make a decision how do you decide what to do. My DH and I have talked about the "what if" something happen to you what should I do. I live in Texas and really do not know anyone here. My son lives near Atlanta,Ga some 1,400 miles away. What things do I need to know? I know I would not stay here alone. Have you talked to your spouse about this type of situation?

  2. #2
    Super Member Maride's Avatar
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    As long as you know (and him too, in case something happens to you)where are all the important documents are and how to pay the bills (the what and when) all other decisions will come in time. What matters is not to rush into anything you may regret later. Grief is not a period to make life changing decisions. Make some friends and have a small support group since your family may not be able to assist immediately.

  3. #3
    Super Member ptquilts's Avatar
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    What do you mean? If one of you dies? Or is incapacitated in some way?
    You should both have living will and "Health Care power of attorney" for your spouse.

    Also, are you both involved in financial matters, paying bills, managing money/investments, etc.? It is not a good idea if only ONE spouse does all this.

  4. #4
    Super Member dakotamaid's Avatar
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    Yup, made our wills and made burial arrangements shortly after the kids moved away. Let them know for "just in case". Written instructions in a safe place where they know about it.

    What would I do if just me left? I would move closer to my daughter in a heartbeat.

    Edit: I pay the bills, he finds the money. We both participate in financial matters.

  5. #5
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    I don't understand nor speak spanish. so making friends is almost impossible. This really makes things hard. No I am not in Mexico . We moved here from Tennessee for medical availability . My husband can't take the cold anymore. I on the
    otherhand am overwhelmed by the heat. 100 plus is just too hot. I do quilt and stay in for that reason. I am not whining
    just needed to put things into thought. Always over-prepare.
    :-o

  6. #6
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    What matters is not to rush into anything you may regret later. Grief is not a period to make life changing decisions.
    -----------
    You should both have living will and "Health Care power of attorney" for your spouse
    --------------------------------------
    Both are excellent ideas that everyone should have in place.

    Our lawyer told us both that the one remaining should NOT make any big changes legally for ONE YEAR afterwards because you will be almost brain dead from grief. You absolutely WILL make some terrible decisions that will not be good for you.

    When one of my sisters was widowed, she suddenly was mad to sell her nice house and go live near a brother in NM. Another sister and I made her go visit brother and she returned almost in shock. It was a desert, which most of us hated after being raised in WV and the rest of them in Ohio. She took a few years before selling out...

  7. #7
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    I see that your location in your profile is "in hiding." There are lots of us living in Texas who are active in posting on this board. Would you tell which county you live in? Maybe you are close to someone you could meet and quilt with. Hiding is not a friendly way to meet new friends but it is safe. And few of us are happy with our summer weather. I only go outside to go to the mailbox or to the truck.

  8. #8
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    I live in Mission, which is close to McAllen Tx 78572

  9. #9
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    If something happened to my DH, I'd stay right where I'm at. I can't stand living in the city or being around neighbors. I like people, I just don't want them living next to me. I'm not a real "sociable" person, so I don't mind being by myself all the time, besides I have animals to keep me company.

    The important things are that both of you know your financial "stuff" and how to get to it. Know your life insurance policies if you have them, have your living wills made and the power of attorney health care and know where they are and make sure that they follow your wishes.

    Sally 1612-why do you think that just because you don't speak Spanish, that you can't find friends? Remember, to have friends, you have to be a friend.

  10. #10
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    I would sit down and make a plan. Taking my time with it. There's no rush and you can change it whenever you want. That might relieve some of your "what if" fear. Once you make a plan, let your son know what your plan is. He might have some input.

    I agree with the others about the Health Care Power of Attorney for both of you naming the other as the person to make health care decisions in case you can't. I would also suggest you each do a Durable Power of Attorney naming the other person so they can make financial and care decisions, as well. I needed the Durable Power of Attorney to admit my Mother into a nursing home so I could sign the paperwork since she could not.

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