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Thread: Why we shoot deer....hilariously funny!!!

  1. #1
    Super Member Ditter43's Avatar
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    Ardmore, OK





    The mental picture of this is way too hilarious if it wasn't so dumb.


    > Why we shoot deer in the wild (A letter from someone who
    > wants to remain anonymous, who farms, writes well and reportedly actually
    > tried this)
    >
    > I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a
    > stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it
    > and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer.
    > I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do
    > not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one
    > will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while
    > I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be
    > difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head
    > (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.
    >
    > I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with
    > my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before,
    > stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After
    > about 20 minutes, my deer showed up-- 3 of them. I picked out a
    > likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and
    > threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I
    > wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would
    > have a good hold..
    >
    > The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could
    > tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I
    > took a step towards it, it took a step away. I put a little
    > tension on the rope .., and then received an education. The
    > first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand
    > there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred
    > to action when you start pulling on that rope.
    >
    > That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that
    > pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt.
    > A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and
    > with some dignity. A deer-- no Chance. That thing ran and bucked
    > and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and
    > certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet
    > and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me
    > that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I
    > had originally imagined.. The only upside is that they do not
    > have as much stamina as many other animals.
    >
    > A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as
    > quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get
    > up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly
    > blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At
    > that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just
    > wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.
    >
    > I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck,

    >it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all
    > between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing,
    > and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.
    > Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I
    > had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head
    > against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground,
    > I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a
    > small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility
    > for the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to have to
    > suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in
    > between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before
    > hand...kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there
    > and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.
    >
    > Did you know that deer bite?
    >
    > They do! I never in a million years would have thought
    > that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when
    > I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed
    > hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like
    > being bitten by a horse where they just bite you and slide off to
    > then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head--almost like a
    > pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.
    >
    > The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably
    > to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking
    > instead. My method was ineffective.
    >
    > It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several
    > minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being
    > smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by
    > now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out
    > of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.
    >
    > That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for
    > the day.
    >
    > Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear
    > right up on their back feet and strike right about head and
    > shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp... I
    > learned a long time ago that, when an animal -like a horse --
    > strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily,
    > the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an
    > aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them
    > to back down a bit so you can escape.
    >
    > This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such
    > trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I
    > devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried
    > to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to
    > turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there
    > is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head.
    > Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides
    > being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I
    > turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and
    > knocked me down.
    >
    > Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does
    > not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the
    > danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and
    > jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a
    > little girl and covering your head.
    >
    > I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer
    > went away. So now I know why when people go deer hunting they
    > bring a rifle with a scope......to sort of even the odds!!
    >
    > All these events are true so help me God... An
    > Okie Educated Farmer
    >

  2. #2
    Senior Member roda's Avatar
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    I Know this guy lol

  3. #3
    Super Member shawnemily's Avatar
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    that is hysterical!!!
    What a "smart" dummy!!!! LOL

  4. #4
    Senior Member theoldgraymare's Avatar
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    I just had to send this to my brothers, who are all deer hunters! funny!

  5. #5
    Super Member MaryStoaks's Avatar
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    Way Good! Thanks Ditter. :thumbup:

  6. #6
    Super Member C.Cal Quilt Girl's Avatar
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    Ouch... glad to learn something new today !!!

    Have to wonder if tomorrow he will feed the cattle, (if he can move) with some backup.

    Still ROFLOL :)

  7. #7
    Super Member scowlkat's Avatar
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    Well, I have to change my underwear now! Sorry that was the most hysterical image! Sometimes having a vivid imagination is not a good thing!

    Oh my, here I go again!

  8. #8
    Super Member wanderingcreek's Avatar
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    That was hilarious. I worked on a deer and bison ranch for a few years running the office and never went to the handling system when they were working with the deer but I heard all the stroies about them panicking and kicking even while they were in the chute and before they could get their eyes covered. Finally one day I had to go out there as they were tagging the new babies and they were right. They are incredibly strong and one of them kicked so hard he broke the arm of one of the guys working with them. These were whitetail deer and who knew the power in those gorgeous small creatures!

  9. #9
    Super Member
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    That must have been written by Patrick McManus, he writes such funny stories about hunting and fishing.

    It HAS to have been written by him, I usually wind up laughing till my water breaks, and I'm not even pregnant!!

  10. #10

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    very good

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