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Thread: Your funnies for today!

  1. #1
    Super Member Ditter43's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Crystal River Florida
    Posts
    9,466
    Every Wife Is A 'Mistress" For Her Husband. "Miss" For One Hour & "Stress" For the Rest 23 Hours!

    ***************************************

    There Are Two Times When A Man Doesn't Understand A Woman Before Marriage And After Marriage.

    *************************************************

    My Husband And I Divorced Over Religious Differences.

    He Thought He Was God, and I Didn't.
    ************************************************** ***

    Marriage Is Like A Public Toilet Those Waiting Outside Are Desperate To Get In & Those Inside Are Desperate To Come Out.

    *********************************************
    Why Were Hurricanes Usually Named After Women?

    Because When They Arrive, They're wet and wild,

    But When They Go, They Take Your House And Car...
    ******************************************

    Husband Searching Keywords on Google `How to Tackle Wife? `

    Google Search Result, `still Searching`.

    A Man Goes To A Shrink And Says, "Doctor, My Wife Is Unfaithful To Me. Every Evening, She Goes To Larry's Bar And Picks Up Men. In Fact, She Sleeps With Anybody Who Asks Her! I'm Going Crazy. What Do You Think I Should Do?"

    "Relax," Says The Doctor, "Take A Deep Breath And Calm Down. Now, Tell Me, Exactly Where Is Larry's Bar?"

    ****************************************

    Husband Throwing Darts at His Wife's Photo and Not Even a Single One Hitting the Target...

    From Another Room Wife Called The Husband: Honey What Are You Doing...

    Husband: MISSING YOU...

    ******************************************

    A Man Goes To See The Rabbi. "Rabbi, Something Terrible Is Happening And I Have To Talk To You About It."

    The Rabbi Asked, "What's Wrong?"

    The Man Replied, "My Wife Is Poisoning Me."

    The Rabbi, Very Surprised By This, Asks, "How Can That Be?"

    The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what I should do?"

    The Rabbi Then Offers, "Tell You What. Let Me Talk to Her, I'll See What I Can Find out and I'll Let You Know."

    The Rabbi Calls after a while And Says, "Well I Spoke To Her For Three Hours. You Want My Advice?"

    The Man Said Yes

    The Rabbi Replied, "Take the poison’

    *******************************************

    THOUGHT FOR THE DAY.........
    Women are like phones:
    They like to be held,
    talked to and
    touched often.
    But push the wrong button
    and you're disconnected......

    **************************************

    Difference Between Complete & Finish... People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISH But there is. When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE.... And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED..... And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ... COMPLETELY FINISHED

    ************************************************** **********************************************

    Romantic SMS Romantic...SMS She sends the following message:

    My love if you're sleeping, send me your dreams

    If you're smiling, send me your smile

    If you're crying, send me your tears I love you

    He Replied: I'm in the toilet. What do I send?

  2. #2
    Super Member ptquilts's Avatar
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    Jun 2010
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    Vermont
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    5,280
    lol!!

  3. #3
    Power Poster alikat110's Avatar
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    Great!

  4. #4
    Senior Member RUSewing's Avatar
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    Jan 2011
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    In the middle of an Oklahoma wheat field
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    Too funny - enjoyed every one of them! Thank You :)

  5. #5
    Super Member
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    Oct 2009
    Location
    South Carolina
    Posts
    3,237
    You made me laugh and it hurts. I just had surgery yesterday.
    Thanks for the funnies.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Missysgottohelp's Avatar
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    Nov 2010
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    Good one, LOL.

  7. #7
    Super Member
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    Finger Lakes, NY
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    1,795
    Too funny! Thanks.

  8. #8
    Senior Member fraydknot12326's Avatar
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    Jan 2010
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    natural state
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    866
    :lol: :lol: :lol:

  9. #9
    Power Poster sueisallaboutquilts's Avatar
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    Feb 2010
    Location
    Ohio
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    17,471
    Ditter, these are some of the funniest ever!!! I'm sending it to all my fam and friends!!!!!!!!! :D

  10. #10
    Senior Member kacklebird's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    MD
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    Love it!

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