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Thread: Am I being "set up?"

  1. #11
    Super Member Scissor Queen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Quiltforme
    Oh aare you a kind person.

    Quote Originally Posted by Scissor Queen
    Quote Originally Posted by Quiltforme
    Save the fabric and when she does ask make a quick quilt out of the fabric :) something very very easy! I have friends that like to give but if you have that feeling be prepared.
    I really hate to say this but this is sort of a doormat answer. Nobody can take advantage of you unless you let them and "saving the fabric and making a quick quilt" when it's *not* what you want to do is definitely letting somebody take advantage of you.
    I am a very kind person but I don't let people run over me or take advantage of me.

  2. #12
    Senior Member fayza's Avatar
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    Maybe she just wants a friend. Yes as strange as it sounds there are people that will kill you with kindness just to be your friend. I don't really have any advice, just watch out.......... Odd Ducks make me nervous :)

  3. #13
    Senior Member KiwiQuilter's Avatar
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    Oh - what an awkward situation. Go with your gut - it's usually right.

    RST - great response!

  4. #14
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    I am a person who will give things/time freely if I think I can help someone and never expect anything in return.. you have made me ponder and wonder if I am being seen in this way, also I am very lonely so am I subconsciously looking for friends.

  5. #15
    Community Manager PatriceJ's Avatar
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    there are a lot of people in the world who give with no expectations. just cruise through our donations section if you need proof.

    in the unlikely event she asks you for a quilt you have several options. these are just two among the others:

    1. offer to teach her how to make one. if you still have all or some of what she's given you, haul it out and show her how to make a crazy quilt or something scrappy.

    2. if she points out her past generosity as a "gotcha" tactic, offer to return everything. if you don't have it any more, remind her that she never said she was making payments toward services she'd hoped to receive down the line.

    why wait? if you belong to a guild, invite her to a meeting. she'll meet people and might decide to keep her fabs in the future to make her own quilts.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by RST
    If she's a hoarder who is trying to dig out, giving the fabric to someone who she thinks will use it is probably the strategy she is using to offload it.

    What might work would be to tell her that it's not your style, but you will gladly pass it on to a charity or guild or something where it will be put to good use. If she's hoping to set you up for making a quilt, then she won't continue to give to you. But if she is honestly trying to rehome and declutter, then that may satisfy her criteria. Better yet, you could give her a list of charity quilters or people who accept random fabric, and let her do the giving.

    RST
    Great idea there, instead of just turning her down. If she truly is just giving it for the sake of decluttering then that should make her happy. Now if she wants a quilt made with it.... Like you I buy what I need at the time.

  7. #17
    Super Member piepatch's Avatar
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    My advice is stop accepting the "gifts" now unless you are prepared to make her a quilt. You are being nice to her when you accept these things, but she may very well be expecting something in return. You can be nice to her in other ways, but you could tell her, in regards to her "gifts", that you have more than you can ever use, and she should give them to others who can use them. I have experienced something like this, and believe me when I say you are better off to find a way to avoid accepting anything more from her. This might not end with you making her a quilt anyway, especially if she is an "odd duck".

  8. #18
    Super Member raptureready's Avatar
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    I guess I'm an odd duck. I give things away all the time if I think someone can use it. But I don't ever expect anything in return, nor do I do it to gain friendships. I have plenty of friends although I also believe that you can never have too many. Maybe she is just wanting to be nice and expects nothing from you. If you truly don't want the fabric just say that you'll pass it on to someone that can use it. OR, tell her of some charitable group that takes donations. We have a group of ladies here that takes small print childrens fabric to make boo boo bunnies, bears, and other small animals for children that have to have out patient surgery or have to enter the emergency room. There's another group that makes book totes for children in third world countries.

  9. #19
    Super Member Lori S's Avatar
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    The next time she gives you something say Oh .. I don't think I can make use of this but I know someone who can , and give her a name of an organization or person who could use it.
    To continue to take it is not a good solution since she will continue the good deed thinking she is actaully giving you something you want and will make use of.
    I share some of my supplies with others but I would be dissappointed if they never really had a use and just kept accepting. I could have directed my donations to someone who truley would want and make use of them.
    She may be offering these as a form of gratitude for your friendship. I think this has become an obsticle for you , in that you think the motive for the giving has not revealed itself , so redirect this giving .

  10. #20
    Super Member clem55's Avatar
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    Tell her you don't have room to keep anymore, but there is a PIF program on here and if she would like you too, you will give her the site and she can find some new friends that would love having the fabric, even pay for shipping thermdselves.

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