Quilting leads to adoption?
03-30-2011, 05:35 AM
#1
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 635
Ok, people. This is one of those things I never in a million years would have expected. I'll try to tell this in a condensed version.....
By nature, I'm quiet, contemplative, a lover of status quo. My two boys are in 1st and 3rd grade and, being a woman with extra time on my hands when my kids are at school, I sew and sew. Mostly donation quilts, and lately many of those quilts are intended for Japan.
Two days ago, my machine was chugging away and feelings of frustration were welling up within me. I was upset with how little I'm capable of doing for the many lives touched by unthinkable circumstances. Yes, quilts are nice and I love to make them, but it would be wonderful to make a bigger impact somehow. So many people with so little and here I sit with so much...
So, I consider traveling and volunteering in whatever way required where there is devastation, hunger, need, sadness, disease, etc. But two things stand in the way, my family that needs me here, and my inability to walk away from a hurting child. I would be in constant turmoil watching the numerous children living their difficult lives day after miserable day. I knew I would be wanting to bring back at least a dozen kids....
This image of myself not being able to let go of a child who needs so much and wants so little leads to an epiphany. Why not ONE child? Why not save ONE child from a life that is wretched? The idea seems so contrived within the parameters of this little midwestern town where cultural diversity is so slim. But why not?
So, dear quilters, I'm looking for feedback from anyone with international adoption experience. I would love to hear personal stories, good and bad. I would like to hear the facts about the process and the price.
I should add that last night I broached the subject with my husband and he almost choked on his pork chop. There was one repeated phrase..."Wow....." If I'm a lover of status quo, my husband is a fanatic about it. We're a good match that way. But we're also a good match in that we have great love to give and an appreciation of the potential to make positive changes....even if it's to the life of only one small precious person. My boys were at first one for and one against. That progressed to two "no"s, on the basis of having to share their mom. Neither liked the idea of another child calling me "Mom". Their opinion now is that adopting a little girl would be OK, because she would be less likely to "want their Legos". Also, my seven year old would like a girl because she would be less likely to be "scarred up". That one threw me a bit, but apparently the idea of having a child who wears the scars of such a difficult life distresses him. We had to have a discussion, of course, about that.
On the note of cultural diversity, I read stories of some people adopting siblings so the child has at least one person in their life with the same heritage. That is more than I'm capable of wrapping my brain around right now. In raising my two boys, my biggest challenge is dealing with their sibling rivalry. However, a very dear friend of mine lives a couple miles away and has a life very parallel to my own (three boys). She has, as I found out yesterday, been wanting to adopt for several years but has a husband who hasn't supported the option, for fear of "opening a can of worms" (emotional problems brought into their peaceful home). Having not spoken to him about it for quite some time, she brought it up again last night and he was much more receptive to the idea. I think it would be such a blessing to the lives of two children from one country to be brought into our two loving families. Our families see each other at least weekly, and a bond would surely develop between them if their wasn't one already.
If anyone has anything to share on this topic, I would love to hear it. Thanks so much for listening. That attempt to make this a condensed version was pretty much a flop, wasn't it?
By nature, I'm quiet, contemplative, a lover of status quo. My two boys are in 1st and 3rd grade and, being a woman with extra time on my hands when my kids are at school, I sew and sew. Mostly donation quilts, and lately many of those quilts are intended for Japan.
Two days ago, my machine was chugging away and feelings of frustration were welling up within me. I was upset with how little I'm capable of doing for the many lives touched by unthinkable circumstances. Yes, quilts are nice and I love to make them, but it would be wonderful to make a bigger impact somehow. So many people with so little and here I sit with so much...
So, I consider traveling and volunteering in whatever way required where there is devastation, hunger, need, sadness, disease, etc. But two things stand in the way, my family that needs me here, and my inability to walk away from a hurting child. I would be in constant turmoil watching the numerous children living their difficult lives day after miserable day. I knew I would be wanting to bring back at least a dozen kids....
This image of myself not being able to let go of a child who needs so much and wants so little leads to an epiphany. Why not ONE child? Why not save ONE child from a life that is wretched? The idea seems so contrived within the parameters of this little midwestern town where cultural diversity is so slim. But why not?
So, dear quilters, I'm looking for feedback from anyone with international adoption experience. I would love to hear personal stories, good and bad. I would like to hear the facts about the process and the price.
I should add that last night I broached the subject with my husband and he almost choked on his pork chop. There was one repeated phrase..."Wow....." If I'm a lover of status quo, my husband is a fanatic about it. We're a good match that way. But we're also a good match in that we have great love to give and an appreciation of the potential to make positive changes....even if it's to the life of only one small precious person. My boys were at first one for and one against. That progressed to two "no"s, on the basis of having to share their mom. Neither liked the idea of another child calling me "Mom". Their opinion now is that adopting a little girl would be OK, because she would be less likely to "want their Legos". Also, my seven year old would like a girl because she would be less likely to be "scarred up". That one threw me a bit, but apparently the idea of having a child who wears the scars of such a difficult life distresses him. We had to have a discussion, of course, about that.
On the note of cultural diversity, I read stories of some people adopting siblings so the child has at least one person in their life with the same heritage. That is more than I'm capable of wrapping my brain around right now. In raising my two boys, my biggest challenge is dealing with their sibling rivalry. However, a very dear friend of mine lives a couple miles away and has a life very parallel to my own (three boys). She has, as I found out yesterday, been wanting to adopt for several years but has a husband who hasn't supported the option, for fear of "opening a can of worms" (emotional problems brought into their peaceful home). Having not spoken to him about it for quite some time, she brought it up again last night and he was much more receptive to the idea. I think it would be such a blessing to the lives of two children from one country to be brought into our two loving families. Our families see each other at least weekly, and a bond would surely develop between them if their wasn't one already.
If anyone has anything to share on this topic, I would love to hear it. Thanks so much for listening. That attempt to make this a condensed version was pretty much a flop, wasn't it?
03-30-2011, 05:46 AM
#4
Super Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,441
I have not adopted internationally; however we considered it seriously at one time. We ended up choosing to adopt from foster care, which is also an option to help children who are in bad situations.
Any adoption decision requires a lot of research - both about the things you will need to do/requirements of different adoption programs, and about the issues that an adopted child may have because of the things they've experienced in their lives. There are a number of books and websites out there.
If you have any questions, PM me and we can talk more.
Any adoption decision requires a lot of research - both about the things you will need to do/requirements of different adoption programs, and about the issues that an adopted child may have because of the things they've experienced in their lives. There are a number of books and websites out there.
If you have any questions, PM me and we can talk more.
03-30-2011, 05:55 AM
#5
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Bend, Oregon
Posts: 1,853
I don't have any personal experience but I have a friend who adopted two little girls from China. The little girls are so sweet and have brought so much love into their lives. But there has been problems. Emotional problems. Both little girls are seeing counselors. I think eventually their problems will go away since they are in such a loving home.
I think the younger they are the less problems you have. A baby would not have had as much trauma in thier lives.
God bless you and your journey with adoption. I wish you all the best.
I think the younger they are the less problems you have. A baby would not have had as much trauma in thier lives.
God bless you and your journey with adoption. I wish you all the best.
03-30-2011, 05:56 AM
#6
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Cypress, Texas
Posts: 4,728
My cousin adopoted 2 little boys from Romania about 10 years ago..brothers about 3 and 5 at the time. They had a rough couple of first years (language/socialization issues). The boys had been in an orphanage since the youngest was born; basically living in a crib 90% of the time. About 7 yrs later they adopted a baby girl from Russian. What a blessing these children have been. All 3 now sound like they grew in New Orleans..lol. Bright, happy and very smart kiddos. If this is what God plans for you, it will all work out.
03-30-2011, 05:57 AM
#7
Power Poster
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal
Posts: 11,900
Our family is build both by birth and adoption. Foreign adoption is very hard and very expensive. I do not think Japan allows many adoptions. Also incase of dissasters like this it is often the children that do not survive as was shown with tsunamies in other places. That said the need is very high especially if you are able and open to age, gender, race of the child being placed.
As for adoption two children at the same time, it is the only thing my children that were adopted would recommend. They would not want to be the only adopted child in the family and in your case it would possibily be the only girl. My children did not care what race the other child would be as long as it is also an adopted child.
Race is overal a none issue to them but we live in a diversed area. This does not mean it is a none issues to outsiders and as your child grows older they need to be prepaered for that. I do notice that as they get older they tend to have more friends that are similar to them in one way or another race, cultural or adopted but you might also find that your biological child is more open to race and adoptive friends. Adoption is very powerful just like birth. If you and your husband are open to adoption, please look into it.
As for adoption two children at the same time, it is the only thing my children that were adopted would recommend. They would not want to be the only adopted child in the family and in your case it would possibily be the only girl. My children did not care what race the other child would be as long as it is also an adopted child.
Race is overal a none issue to them but we live in a diversed area. This does not mean it is a none issues to outsiders and as your child grows older they need to be prepaered for that. I do notice that as they get older they tend to have more friends that are similar to them in one way or another race, cultural or adopted but you might also find that your biological child is more open to race and adoptive friends. Adoption is very powerful just like birth. If you and your husband are open to adoption, please look into it.
03-30-2011, 06:29 AM
#8
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: ontario
Posts: 733
my aunt adopted a little girl from china the proses took 2 years and around 20 thousand dollars the re morgaged there house angela seems to be doing quilt well but she is fairly withdrawn she is the only chinese person in a very exclusive dutch comunity i think that leads to her being somwhat withdrawn. we are happy to have her as paet of our family most of the time dont eaven remember she was adopted but i dont think it has always been easy on her being different from the rest off the community so that is somthing you should keep in mind. also often if a child has been in an orphanage for any period off time there is a chance that they may have been ohysicly or sexualy abused and this could cause problems. i dont whant to discourage you but its better to go into this with your eyes wide open. if this is what God whants for your family he will overcome all the obsticals if you put him in the drivers seat.
03-30-2011, 08:10 AM
#9
Junior Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 288
I have a daughter that was adopted from Korea at 9 months old. She just turned 14 a week ago. I had 3 birth children ages 8,10,and 12 at the time. She is a special needs child so I don't have experience in the "typical' foreign adoption adjustments but have gone through quite alot and would be glad to help you with information. My advice right now is not to rush into anything. I thought about it for quite a while and finally decided to go ahead with adopting because I felt I would always regret it if I didn't. Like others, I put my faith in God that he would lead me in the right direction and he did. I just had to listen to the messages he sent me.
03-30-2011, 08:29 AM
#10
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Texas Gulf Coast
Posts: 1,463
We have friends who are in the process of adopting a child from Haiti. Friends of theirs are also in the process. When I get home I can find a link to their blog about the process. I can't access it from work.
My own children - now grown - joined us by adoption.
My own children - now grown - joined us by adoption.
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