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Thread: Laugh for the day

  1. #1
    Super Member zyxquilts's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    So. California
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    3,807
    I haven't seen this one for a while & it cracked me up, so thought I should share:

    How To Give A Cat and Dog A Pill

    1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding
    a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's
    mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right
    hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth
    and swallow.

    2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left
    arm and repeat process.

    3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

    4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
    paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of
    mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

    5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
    spouse from garden.

    6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
    rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
    firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth Drop pill
    down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

    7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make
    note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
    figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

    8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
    visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
    mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

    9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to
    take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood
    from carpet with cold water and soap.

    10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
    beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head
    showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic
    band.

    11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
    Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold
    compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply
    whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw
    Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

    12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road.
    Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid
    cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

    13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine
    and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves
    from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak.
    Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down
    throat to wash pill down.

    14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
    emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm
    and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way
    home to order new table.

    15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet
    shop to see if they have any hamsters.


    How To Give A Dog A Pill

    1. Wrap it in bacon.

    2. Toss it in the air.

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Jul 2007
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    zyx, love it .lol lol lol

  3. #3
    Super Member vicki reno's Avatar
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    That was a hoot! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
    Thanks for sharing

  4. #4

    Join Date
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    Michigan
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    XYZ That was great!!! Many laughs and so true.....so true....

  5. #5
    Super Member Yvonne's Avatar
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    Dec 2006
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    Humboldt County, California
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    Still wiping the tears from my eyes! :lol: So much truth is hard to take!

    When we had to give our dog pills he was very good at spitting them back out. I finally got smart. Put the pill on the floor and called, "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!" That pill disappeared real fast! No problem!! :wink:

  6. #6
    bj
    bj is offline
    Super Member bj's Avatar
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    Apr 2007
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    Lubbock, Texas
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    That was too funny. I don't have cats, but my best friend has 5. I sent it on to her!

  7. #7
    Power Poster amma's Avatar
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    Good One :lol: :lol: :lol:

  8. #8

    Join Date
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    Becky
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    I'm so THANKFUL, I have a DOG.

  9. #9
    Super Member
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    Greenville, SC
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    lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

  10. #10
    Super Member jbsstrawberry's Avatar
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    Central Illinois
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    Sounds about right to me!! LOLOLOLOLOL

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