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Thread: Need Some Insight

  1. #1

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    Recently, I made a kids quilt for a "friend's" young child who has been diagnosed with cancer (January) and is now receiving chemotherapy. I put time, effort, thought, and love in to creating the quilt and even putting in my note that it was "a quilt made of love and warmth to support them on those difficult days ahead".

    I know life has turned upside down for their family and home is coming back to a normal state, after surgery and rounds of chemo, but after a month, I haven't received any acknowledgement for the quilt. No email, no note, no quick phone call.

    Am I being heartless to the situation? I hope I'm above and beyond that and that my intent was not to get accolades for the quilt, but that it was a gift made out of love for their child and in some small way, to show that others do care about what is happening to them.

    Has anyone had a similar situation happen and what did you do? Many thanks.

  2. #2
    Marjpf's Avatar
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    I spend 9 months making a needle turned Hawaiian quilt for my step son and his lovely bride. After the wedding, I took this bride to a day spa. We saw them on a regular basis. Nothing was ever mentioned. If figured in this case "if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all". (Everyone else that saw it was more than impressed.)
    In your case, however, I would guess that since the family was in such an upheaval for a while, they all think they thanked you, but don't realize that they didn't.

  3. #3
    Power Poster MadQuilter's Avatar
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    That is why I hand-deliver mine so I see the reaction. I think this family is in absolute turmoil and do not think beyond their child's disease. Don't be upset - you may well hear after the child gets better how much your quilt has meant.

    Just remember - you made it with love and gave it in that sentiment.

  4. #4
    Community Manager PatriceJ's Avatar
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    you aren't being heartless. it's natural to want a thank you.

    however, put yourself in the family's shoes. if you were living through the same circumstances can you honestly say you absolutely, positively wouldn't let sending a thanks slip your mind? isn't it possible that everytime his mother sees him cuddling in your quilt she reminds herself she needs to say it? or feels a twinge of guilt because the complications of their present life keep getting in the way?

    give the family a second gift. it won't cost you a thing.

    let them off the hook. you'll feel better for it. ;-)

  5. #5
    Power Poster amma's Avatar
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    I agree with Patrice

    Having gone through something similar, I didn't get around to passing out the many thank you's until the crisis was completely over and my mind/body had time to rest and heal...even with the happiest of endings, you are an emotional/physical wreck for quite a while afterwards, and eventually you start remembering those well deserved thank you's and start passing them out.

  6. #6
    Moderator littlehud's Avatar
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    It would have been nice to be thanked, but they are in so much turmoil it may take a while. Just remember you did something wonderful for that child.

  7. #7
    Moderator Jim's Gem's Avatar
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    I like what Patrice said.
    I've had a couple of quilts that I never got thanked for. the one that bothered me the most was a pair of quilts I sent to my Nieces in Idaho. I never heard a word, I was worried that they never arrived. I finally asked my 11 y/o niece when I saw her after Christmas and yes they got them and she and her sister loved the quilts.

  8. #8
    Moderator Up North's Avatar
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    I never got a thank you for a doily I tatted for a dear friend for her wedding. when I finally asked her she said she could not find the right words to thank me. Thant was enough for me.

  9. #9
    Super Member Oklahoma Suzie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by amma
    I agree with Patrice

    Having gone through something similar, I didn't get around to passing out the many thank you's until the crisis was completely over and my mind/body had time to rest and heal...even with the happiest of endings, you are an emotional/physical wreck for quite a while afterwards, and eventually you start remembering those well deserved thank you's and start passing them out.
    I agree.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Pepita's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NHSOMND
    Recently, I made a kids quilt for a "friend's" young child who has been diagnosed with cancer (January) and is now receiving chemotherapy. I put time, effort, thought, and love in to creating the quilt and even putting in my note that it was "a quilt made of love and warmth to support them on those difficult days ahead".

    I know life has turned upside down for their family and home is coming back to a normal state, after surgery and rounds of chemo, but after a month, I haven't received any acknowledgement for the quilt. No email, no note, no quick phone call.

    Am I being heartless to the situation? I hope I'm above and beyond that and that my intent was not to get accolades for the quilt, but that it was a gift made out of love for their child and in some small way, to show that others do care about what is happening to them.

    Has anyone had a similar situation happen and what did you do? Many thanks.
    I am on the other end. My 25 year old had a car accident this summer and ended up a paraplegic. This was in late June. Our lives are wrapped up in going to see him, dealing with bills, problems, more hospitalizations etc. The family becomes totally mowed under by what is going on. They are also going through a period of mourning, your child doesn't have to die-but changes that are now out of your and their hands may permanently impact their life. If this was a new Mom with a new baby, we would say--she is just too busy or overwhelmed. Their family is overwhelmed. Maybe you should think of it this way, you don't expect a thanks--or even an acknologement, you made the quilt to give comfort. I am sure that it has. Please don't think they aren't giving you the credit, I feel sure that they are overwhelmed. I found that I could get through most days without crying, except when I had to write-notes, the blog telling how my son was doing, and going to sleep. Then I would fall apart. I don't know if this helps you at all. But I hope it might.

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