There is a lady that I know through my son's boys club. It seems lately that every time I see her she "has a little something" for me. Either it's old clothes that she's bought at a yard sale or some 'cotton' fabric from who knows where. This gal is a hoarder, so I don't know if she's digging it out of her house, or passing on what she's picked up and doesn't need.
But, deep in my gut, I'm wondering 'when' she's going to pop the question. I'm afraid she's going to ask me to make her a quilt. Then of course I'll be holding to her because she's "given" me so much stuff. She is a bit of an odd duck.
The reality is the stuff she gives me, I don't like at all. I'm not a scrap quilter. I'm the "buy what I need for a project" person.
Am I being paranoid?

Save the fabric and when she does ask make a quick quilt out of the fabric :) something very very easy! I have friends that like to give but if you have that feeling be prepared.

She could just be a nice person, but she could be getting around to popping the question. If you don't mind making one, then make it. If you don't want to I would be prepared with the list of things I have on my plate, so I just cannot possibly find the time. I would probably put all of the stuff together that she gave me, so that if she says "after all I gave to you..." I could tell her she can have it back if she wants it. JMO

I suppose that I would tell her that I appreciate her thinking of me but that's not the kind of fabric I use for quilting.

You're probably not being paranoid. I wouldn't have taken the stuff from her in the first place. Definitely stop taking stuff from her.

If she's a hoarder who is trying to dig out, giving the fabric to someone who she thinks will use it is probably the strategy she is using to offload it.

What might work would be to tell her that it's not your style, but you will gladly pass it on to a charity or guild or something where it will be put to good use. If she's hoping to set you up for making a quilt, then she won't continue to give to you. But if she is honestly trying to rehome and declutter, then that may satisfy her criteria. Better yet, you could give her a list of charity quilters or people who accept random fabric, and let her do the giving.

RST

Great answer, RST!

I really hate to say this but this is sort of a doormat answer. Nobody can take advantage of you unless you let them and "saving the fabric and making a quick quilt" when it's *not* what you want to do is definitely letting somebody take advantage of you.

She may just be a "giver". If you really don't care for what she's passed on to you, just pass it on to someone else who will use it.

Oh aare you a kind person.

I am a very kind person but I don't let people run over me or take advantage of me.

Maybe she just wants a friend. Yes as strange as it sounds there are people that will kill you with kindness just to be your friend. I don't really have any advice, just watch out.......... Odd Ducks make me nervous :)

Oh - what an awkward situation. Go with your gut - it's usually right.

RST - great response!

I am a person who will give things/time freely if I think I can help someone and never expect anything in return.. you have made me ponder and wonder if I am being seen in this way, also I am very lonely so am I subconsciously looking for friends.

there are a lot of people in the world who give with no expectations. just cruise through our donations section if you need proof.

in the unlikely event she asks you for a quilt you have several options. these are just two among the others:

1. offer to teach her how to make one. if you still have all or some of what she's given you, haul it out and show her how to make a crazy quilt or something scrappy.

2. if she points out her past generosity as a "gotcha" tactic, offer to return everything. if you don't have it any more, remind her that she never said she was making payments toward services she'd hoped to receive down the line.

why wait? if you belong to a guild, invite her to a meeting. she'll meet people and might decide to keep her fabs in the future to make her own quilts.

Great idea there, instead of just turning her down. If she truly is just giving it for the sake of decluttering then that should make her happy. Now if she wants a quilt made with it.... Like you I buy what I need at the time.

My advice is stop accepting the "gifts" now unless you are prepared to make her a quilt. You are being nice to her when you accept these things, but she may very well be expecting something in return. You can be nice to her in other ways, but you could tell her, in regards to her "gifts", that you have more than you can ever use, and she should give them to others who can use them. I have experienced something like this, and believe me when I say you are better off to find a way to avoid accepting anything more from her. This might not end with you making her a quilt anyway, especially if she is an "odd duck".

I guess I'm an odd duck. I give things away all the time if I think someone can use it. But I don't ever expect anything in return, nor do I do it to gain friendships. I have plenty of friends although I also believe that you can never have too many. Maybe she is just wanting to be nice and expects nothing from you. If you truly don't want the fabric just say that you'll pass it on to someone that can use it. OR, tell her of some charitable group that takes donations. We have a group of ladies here that takes small print childrens fabric to make boo boo bunnies, bears, and other small animals for children that have to have out patient surgery or have to enter the emergency room. There's another group that makes book totes for children in third world countries.

The next time she gives you something say Oh .. I don't think I can make use of this but I know someone who can , and give her a name of an organization or person who could use it.
To continue to take it is not a good solution since she will continue the good deed thinking she is actaully giving you something you want and will make use of.
I share some of my supplies with others but I would be dissappointed if they never really had a use and just kept accepting. I could have directed my donations to someone who truley would want and make use of them.
She may be offering these as a form of gratitude for your friendship. I think this has become an obsticle for you , in that you think the motive for the giving has not revealed itself , so redirect this giving .

Tell her you don't have room to keep anymore, but there is a PIF program on here and if she would like you too, you will give her the site and she can find some new friends that would love having the fabric, even pay for shipping thermdselves.

In our family things get passed along all the time. I am always giving things away I cant use, and definatly dont want anything in return. Maybe she just wants to be your friend, or you are the only quilter she knows. A girl I know gives me nice kids clothes to cut up for quilts, lol....I always give them to a girl at work for her DD, too nice to chop up...I wouldnt want anything in return, just amkes me feel good to save her some money!

I have run into the same problem. I used to sew professionally and I still have friends who ask me to make a dress, hem some slacks, make curtains, or even make a quilt. My standard reply is, "I'm too busy but I would be happy to teach them to quilt, sew, hem, etc." I also spin and knit...I still have the standard reply to questions such as, Can yo knit me a pair of socks? I reply, "I have too many projects planned for the future but I'd be happy to teach you how to spin or knit!" I have yet to have one single person take me up on the offer but they don't ask any more.

I have found most people do not just "give" without wanting something in return. Especially when you are a quilter. I hope she is being kind, but, I think there may be a hidden request in there somewhere. Just be prepared.

First of all I never take things I really don't want. My poor mother in law took items that family members passed through and wanted to offload on anyone that would take it. When she died we took many truck loads to the Goodwill and many more to the dump. I have enough stuff of my own, I don't need someone else's unwanteds. I would keep one eye on her thinking she is going to want something in return too, but maybe not. I would start by only taking her offerings if I really want them and you can face the problem of making her a quilt later. And if she was the type to say after all I gave you... I definitely wouldn't make her nothing cause my heart wouldn't be in it. There are a lot of ways to look at it. Some people are just good hearted. But when you can't walk through your house because of these "gifts" that's another issue too. :)

I have friends who sew but don't quilt. They give me their scraps. They don't want anything in return just don't want the fabric to go to waste.
I'm in charge of a charity quilting group at our guild so it gets used, eventually.
I have found that most people who want a quilt will ask.
There are those who have a "hidden" agenda but not many.

I was thinking the same thing!!

good answers here. However, best to stop receiving it.
I got myself in a similar situation some years ago and I have bad thoughts of it still. Suggest you tell her the fabric is not your style and don't have time to use it up and give her the name of someone else or group that could use it. My advice is to get yourself out of this loop.
Perhaps give it all away now and tell her you passed it on to someone who can use it.
I would not keep it in my house.

Sounds like one of my "friends" ... she also seems to be a hoarder, yet is
giving to others. Yet fabrics brought to me are for freebie sewing/quilting
and often useless, with cat/dog odors that laundering does not remove.
Rather than being nauseous with this stuff around, I am opting to a big NO
in future.

Loopywren, i too give things and do things for people and never ask for anything in return. if that makes people wonder,that's their problem. sad but true.
i met a lady from NY and we became friends, she finally told me she used to discuss me with her dtr and wondered why i was being so friendly-what did i want from her? nothing, i'm just a Texan. Friendly!
i hope the hoarder lady is trying hard to share and clean out. even a bit will help her if she is a hoarder. good for her!!!

Sounds like you are being realistic. Trust your instincts and that little voice. You might want to tell her you greatly appreciate what she has already given you, but you don't need anything more and perhaps help her find a different more needy outlet for her generosity.

I agree that this may be 'her way' of getting rid of things 'she's attached to'. Probably - Maybe - it makes her 'able' to give it away to someone 'she knows'. Otherwise she'd probably - maybe still be holding on to it.

Have you thought to ask her why she's giving you these things? Does she think you NEED them?

*IF* she asks you to make something for her and you don't have time to do it, be kind and say no - I can't.

Good Luck!

I totally agree with this. It can be said in a nice way and would end the problem.

I love the way you think :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

I like the suggestion of offering to teach her how to make one herself, or offering to work alongside her. If she has a genuine interest in what you do, maybe that will work out. Of course, no one can appreciate how much time is involved in your quilting unless they've sat down and tried it.

Tell her next time she has stuff you don't like that you think it is kind of her to think of you but you do not need it and maybe it would be put to better use by some one else.

If you do not like the stuff why take it? I would definitely not make a quilt either especially if she is not giving you the warm fuzzy feeling. For even a simple consigment quilt made of clothes I would charge $450.