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-   -   Watching out for Tender Feelings and yet Giving Advice (https://www.quiltingboard.com/main-f1/watching-out-tender-feelings-yet-giving-advice-t217708.html)

bunniequilter 03-31-2013 05:11 AM

Some things in life need to be learned thru experience. Let her learn the hard way, the lesson will stick. We all made mistakes when we started quilting, those mistakes are what made us bettert quilters!

eyes 03-31-2013 05:38 AM

If you told them once and they didn't take your advice leave it alone. Both of the girls and the mother will find out when they wash it. The girls grew up as part of the microwave generation...3 minutes or less and it's done.
They will learn that some things take time and love. They haven't learned that yet.

maryfrang 03-31-2013 06:02 AM

It is so hard to give advise to someone that knows what they want. But it is their quilts and if they love the work they did, then accept it and move on. Their next quilts (if they decide to another) will be quilted so much more, and they will make that decision. Not someone else. Yes it is hard, but life is hard. We all must find our own way to doing something. Good luck, and be proud that they wanted to learn to quilt with YOU.

stitchesttzke 03-31-2013 06:05 AM


Originally Posted by MarLeClair (Post 5963574)
I suggest they make their own mistakes. My first quilt had very little quilting and after washing it I learned real fast. They put the time in the quilt, you have said your peace, the rest is up to them.

I agree, we know the money you put in the supplies but if they don't want to listen then let them learn. If they come to you and ask what happened then nicely let them know that more quilting was needed. You can also let them know that quilters are always learning how to make their quilts better. I wouldn't be paying for more supplies they need to have a stake in the making of a quilt. Most people have no idea what all goes into a guilt or appreciate what we put into quilting. I think people look at the
$29.99 quilts in the stores and think that is what we make.

Mkotch 03-31-2013 06:18 AM

Warm & Natural says that you can quilt up to 10" apart, so it may be fine. And I agree with others - learn by doing! Keep your head down and know that when they want advice, they will ask.

wildyard 03-31-2013 06:53 AM

I don't agree with letting them learn the hard way without at least trying to help them learn the easier way first. That could turn into a "why didn't you tell me?" situation.
I agree with the sandwich equation of how to discuss problems with the quilting, and with suggesting they double check the directions on the batting and telling them why that is important! Just saying something like, "I'm concerned that you are going to need more quilting to keep your batting from shifting, but check the batting directions just to be sure it is ok." You will have expressed your concern without being critical, and offered a way for them to check on their work on their own initiative.

Edited to add: I didn't understand that you had already spoken to the girls about the quilting, only to the one's mother. If in fact you have already expressed your concern to the quilt makers themselves, and they were not receptive, then I would have to say to let it go and hope for the best.

eyes 03-31-2013 08:14 AM


Originally Posted by wildyard (Post 5967346)
I don't agree with letting them learn the hard way without at least trying to help them learn the easier way first. That could turn into a "why didn't you tell me?" situation.
I agree with the sandwich equation of how to discuss problems with the quilting, and with suggesting they double check the directions on the batting and telling them why that is important! Just saying something like, "I'm concerned that you are going to need more quilting to keep your batting from shifting, but check the batting directions just to be sure it is ok." You will have expressed your concern without being critical, and offered a way for them to check on their work on their own initiative.

Edited to add: I didn't understand that you had already spoken to the girls about the quilting, only to the one's mother. If in fact you have already expressed your concern to the quilt makers themselves, and they were not receptive, then I would have to say to let it go and hope for the best.

I am not certain the quilting was discussed to the girls. It just seems like it would have come up in conversation and especially since it was mentioned to one of the mothers. I was assuming...and you know what is said about that. :-)

GramMER 03-31-2013 08:18 AM


Originally Posted by coopah (Post 5963976)
Leave them be. As others have said, they will learn. They aren't ready to listen yet. So be it...I know you have wonderful intentions, but no way will you come out the winner on this.

I have to remember some people can be OCD about details, and I certainly do not want to come across that way to a DDIL or DGD either one. Since they are willing to try the quilt making at all, I probably should be happy and let the rest go by the by. But inside, I get this "gut" wrenching feeling every time I think about what will happen. Cloth is so expensive and time spent is VIP too. Then I have other thoughts: What if they blame me for what happens down the road. They might say, "You should have told me!"

I may just casually ask about the manufacturer's directions on the batting. That seems like the best way to deal with the issue. I have already given my accolades on the piecing, design, color and the final appearances. They really did do a great job and I have told them that over and over.

patdesign 03-31-2013 08:24 AM

I relieve the warm and natural cotton batting has a 10 inch spread that it will handle, so if that one is within the parameters do nothing, otherwise "put the blame on the batting" say you know I have used warm and natural in the past and I know it will take up to 10 inches between quilting so there might be a problem if it is less. For the other one something along the same line , "oh the batting is thus and so, I usually use warm and Natural and it has a nice wide spread of 10 inches, you might want to check the manufacturers requirements since every product is different." " This takes the blame away from the person and places it as a requirement of the product. One offered in ahelpful way back off since they will have to learn the hard way, some of us have to learn lessons that way, (one of my sons) and it is better to let them learn that way, the next time they may seek out worthwhile advice.
Pat:)

mlt150 03-31-2013 08:27 AM

My quilt teacher said you should be able to put your hand anywhere on a quilt and touch the quilting. Good guide as to how much is enough.


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