:?: :?: Well now what to I do? I just got started quilting good and was Loving it and How!!! Then a Big Mouth woman who is at q guild says things a lot and infers that my quilts are no good. I got to thinking about it and she never has showed anything . Well do I go back or let big mouth rule and stay out of it, she wants everyone to stay home I believe. I tried to get it the conversation and she gives me these dirty looks, I never felt so rotten. I've never been treated this way!!!! Icequilter

I do not belong to a guild....besides this quild here, which is great by the way. But my .02 is keep going. Don't let the BIG MOUTH stop you. Continue to ask questions or make comments, don't show it bothers you.

Let us know if we can help more.

Kyia

There's been a couple other threads like this before. I am not exactly a "people person" and would just get out of there if other options were available. It is one of the reasons I do not belong to one here - once they find out you are not sewing on a high-price machine, or would dare to use fabric not purchased for $20/yard, nothing else matters. You are automatically declared as underclass.

There are wonderful guilds out there, but not always available or convenient for everyone. Go with your gut - are you getting enough "good stuff" to tolerate one killjoy? She sounds like one of those "quilt police"

I do not suffer fools gladly, and at some point, would probably be rude to her and invite her to do unladylike things to herself. :!: :!: :!:
<How is that for political correctness?>

I think that is one of the draws here - creativity, skill, and wisdom are prized. Sure, there are people with pricey machines AND people with Walmart specials. There are paper piecers and applique folks and newbies and old timers. That diversity sparks a lot of creativity, and adds to the addictive aspects of quilting.

Politely ask her to show you how to improve your quilts. Ask to see hers so you will know how it is done right. Maybe she will put up or shut up.

A gilded quilt. What an idea.

1.) I could care less what any self appointed expert thinks of my work. I am my harshest critic. None of them could ever hurt my feelings because I know what mistakes are in my work.

2.) You have all the guild you need here. Perhaps the critique is a little soft, we don't want to hurt feelings, but the support from this group is great.

3.) Express interest in classes from your local guild. There is a point where the idjits either have to put up or shut up.

4.) ALWAYS believe in yourself. The heck with the others.

tim in san jose

Do what you like to do with your quilts regardless of what the big mouth thinks. If you like it and are proud of it, then thats all that matters! :)

Oh boy..... I can stand a little criticism on my work but if she hasn't shown her "perfect" stitches, then I am with Tim... tell her to show you hers (put up or shut up!) so you know what she means when she says yours is "wrong"

Guilds, if I'm not mistaken, are for that purpose.... learning from others....

That's why I come here!!!! :)

This place is my favorite learning tool ... and the most fun too!

I don't belong to a guild, othere than this one. This is the way friends and cooleagues treat each other, not the way "big mouth" is doing it. I have a supervisor who has the same attitude. If you still get something meaningful out of it, then don't let her stop you from attending and participating. But if all it fosters is insecurity and self doubt, then stay away and enjoy this one. JUst think, there is always someone here 24/7 to encourage and help you, and NEVER criticize in a hateful or mean way. We all know, like Tim says, what our mistakes and/or flaws are. Its none of their business, unless soemone appointed them the "quilt police." "Big mouth" is not what a guild is suppose to be all about.

If you truly want to go back then do it. Don't let her get the best of you. Remember three things:
!. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you like your work that is what matters.
2. Misery wants company! Some people are only happy if others are miserable like them, don't feed into it.
And the important one:
3. You have a place that has people who care and will let you be yourself right here! Let loud mouth keep it up, sooner than later she will be all alone!

If this guild is giving you something, then by all means continue to attend. As for big mouth....

When someone continuously criticizes or finds fault, it's not you that they are finding fault with...it's themselves. This woman has an over abundance of low self esteem, and in order to build herself up, she puts others down. She obviously lacks self confidence in her own abilities or she would show her work.

Don't let her pull you down to her level by making you question your talent.

That woman is showing her lack of class. If we invite criticim, can't figure out where we went wrong and would like the opinion of others to figure it out, then it's fine to CONSTRUCTIVELY criticise. Otherwise it's just plain rude. Let her say what she wants, give her the best dirty look you can muster, say NOTHING and turn your back on her. What an ignorant woman.

Shadow has described my supervisor to a "T". She is not a quilter, but she constantly criticizes my job performance--mostly over trivial things. I can never do anything right in her eyes, and she always looks doen her nose at me. I have to put up with it, in order to keep my job, but that kind of tretmnent doesn't need to be tolerated in a guild. Don't let her get you down. Just know in your heart that the problem is her, not in your work :!: :D :D

Don't get mad get even. Ask where she got her outfit cause you saw one like it at the thrift store. Does she have trouble buying shoes with her big ankles. Embarass her. If that doesn't work wait till she leaves and tell her she has a problem and is a b----. then smack her. lol :twisted:

Ruth, I wonder if that would work on my boss? What fun that would be to tell her that! :lol:

[quote=Shadow Dancer]If this guild is giving you something, then by all means continue to attend. As for big mouth....

When someone continuously criticizes or finds fault, it's not you that they are finding fault with...it's themselves. This woman has an over abundance of low self esteem, and in order to build herself up, she puts others down. She obviously lacks self confidence in her own abilities or she would show her work.

Shadow said it best and it is worth repeating!

Try again if you feel the quild has something to share of value to you. Steer clear of big mouth and look around for someone you can relate to. I have a hunch there are others that don't care for big mouth, either. And, feel sorry for big mouth she must have very low self esteem.
~Joan

she might be jealous anad hers is not that good to prove it tell her to but her quilts where her BIG MOUTH IS and show hers......Maybe she is in the wrong place dont be intimidated by what she says. :lol:

Ohhh, this is just terrible, But listen up, YOU know who you are and what you are, and you also know that none of us were born quilting. We ALL learned including BM. Soooooo, since BM does not pay your bills nor has she taken the time to get acquainted with you in order to know you, nor your capabilites, I certainly would not concern myself with her nor her opinions.

Go to your guild meetings and enjoy each minute....... And you know now, that this lady is to be pitied as she has a big problem about liking herself. Try to befriend her as she may really need a good friend.

:wink:

I also agree that she has a very low self esteem, that is the first thing i thought when u mentioned that she hasn't even showed her work. Either it's nothing to be proud of, and she could be jealous that your work is sooooooooooo much better then hers. I also tried meeting people at another beginners quilt class. At first wow this is going to be great, the ladies were so friendly etc. Well, huh, i went to learn how to make binding, as the rest i guess i have no problems doing, anyhow. All they talked about were their trips they made all over the world, and where they were going for this last Christmas, etc....All the other woman had a whole table to them selves except me and this other woman which we shared a table, no problem. It was hard to cut our fabric, my table partner kept stepping on my fabric, then when it came to sew pieces everything was stretched. Oh i was so angry, so i decided i needed to this work at home, i wasn' t learning anything from this class, except about different countries. Even one time the instructor told me that i over pin :roll: (yep thats me) and that i was to much of a perfectionist. I told her i know how to do most of these different shapes, (pointing at quilts on walls) I came here to learn how to make binding, and i'm not happy with my sewing its crooked and if i'm going to put out 4 to 5 hundred dollars for a quilt, i dam sure i want it to be straight. I know only one person that is perfect is God and not me. I just want it to look nice when its done. She didn't know what to say, other then my quilt won't be crooked. Why were the other woman complaining that their sewing wasn't matching up. They were to busy yapping about trips and not paying attention to their sewing. And she kept saying oh don't worry about that, the quilting will hide those tiny mistakes. I had enough and went home. Besides we are the creators of our quilts and what i pick for colors and designs may not be nice enough to someone else, but if you like what you picked and how your project is going thats our own business. Don't let anyone discourage you from making your own beautiful quilt or any other kind of project. Keep your head up high, do your thing and keep smiling. Next time ask her to show her work, and say maybe if you could see what she does, maybe you would learn something. (this is just to say in a polite way, put up or shut up) And tell her well this is how i do it, it works for me, and i'm happy with my work :!: Sorry for going on and on, i feel better getting that off my chest.

so far ... i think ruth has the BEST cure for this b....

igmouth. 8)

[ what did you think i was going to say? :shock: :lol: ]

Well here's my idea, the next time you see her at a meeting, walk up to her and say "Please don't talk to me or about my work, your opinions have no value to me".
For the most part I am like some of the others, companionship but only after you fit in. I really can't say much as the word guild leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. marie

If you joined the guild to learn---like I did--hang in there! We have a lady in our quild that thinks (and says it also) that if it isn't hand pieced and hand quilted then it isn't a quilt. We just call her the quilt police and just go on about our business. Like you said about the lady in your guild --she never makes any of the things the guild members do but she is there for every meeting. I have seen some of her work and it is breathtaking but I think the problem is she is that she can no longer to do that quality work and she still likes to be involved in the quilt world and be around quilters and she just can't accept that there is more than one way to skin a cat or make a quilt.

I took about 4 trash bags of material I would never use to a church group of ladies that sew for underprivileged children. Well one of the ladies found out I sew and quilt by machine. She acted like I had cooties. She only hand quilts. After 30 years in the floral business my hands aren't the best some days. My quilts are nice, they stay together and I'm really proud of them. I can piece a less complicated quilt in 2 days sometimes less. Just ignore the busy body. Hey I learned to sew on a Singer trettle sewing machine. Still have it. Hang in there.

I don't belong to a guild and am a newby being self taught. I've found I don't really need a guild because I have this group, a tv to watch quilting shows and I can read...however, it would be nice to have some "live quilting friends". My advice about BIGMOUTH is to just smile sweetly and loud enough for everyone to hear...say "HOW NICE OF YOU TO NOTICE" then turn and walk away. Maybe she'll get the message..if not who cares..ignore her...shes not important.

It's nice to think of things that should be said to someone like this Big Mouth....the best thing to do is rise above it, she's not worth getting stressed out over.

She doesn't even realize how much she discloses about herself when she does these things..... Our actions are a reflection of who we are as a person.... her actions reflect how insecure she really is.....

Hi Icequilter' please whatever you do don't leave that will show a lack of weakness,I was once in a guild and the founder and pres. of the guild she was very hateful to me i talk to someone about the problem their advice was to stay in the guild and learn everything i could and after i learn what i wanted to learn then leave, not only did she lose me she lost 3 more people, one day she will meet her match and you want have to dirty up your nice clean hands ending my note, ignorant is it's own pushment she is not just ignorant there she is ignorant all the times and where ever she goes her age show up. I hope this is some comfort
lol Annette

Usually people who need to make themselves feel better by belittleing someone else aren't worth the trouble it takes getting something ready to fire back at them. Who knows how badly she is treated at home or in the workplace? "More to be pitied than censored..."
Just ignore her. They usually end up cutting their own throat anyway! Don't show a lack of dignity by going down to her level.

I belong to a guild and was aprehensive at first and some ofthe ladies do absolutely beautiful work. Thought mine were lacking. Finally worked up the nerve to show my Christmas quilt I did with quilting and machine embroidery and they loved it much to my surprise. We have a few 'loud ones', but the other ladies are good at discouraging this kind of behavior.

It's too bad this person is so negative, and I agree with Shadow Dancer to ignore her and to not let her ruin the experiance for you. But I tend to agree a bit more with Moonpi as I am so not a people person either and would be rude to her and invite her to do unladylike things to herself. Then promptly leave.

Good Luck.

I have read everyone's advice on this subject. I agree with mostly everyone. If you go to the guild to learn, then continue doing it. But I also know how it is to feel uncomfortable being there wondering if this BM might be watching your every move. If it was me, and I wasn't comfortable being there expecting her to ridicule my work, I personally would not go. And when it comes to your work, not everyone will like it, but they don't count. I know what it feels like to get something finished and that finished product makes me proud. That is how you should feel. Everyone has their own tastes of fabric and designs. I have never been in a guild, but I did attend a "share a quilt" thing years ago. I didn't know some of the members but we did enjoy ourselves. Everyone didn't sew the same and there are parts of my quilt from then needs some repair work done on it, but that quilt has memories for me. I enjoy working with others though. I set up a night a week for relatives and friends to come to my house and we did a quilt together.......each had their own, but we did a simple design (because some didn't know how to sew). They all enjoyed themselves and looked forward to doing it. I helped when they needed it. We each did two quilts and then we stopped getting together (some had babies). I moved a distance away and now I am being bugged by them to organize something again. So you can have your own little gathering with friends and relatives and have an enjoyable experience with it. That is what I would do NOW (this time in my life).

BUT....if this lady says something to someone else about your quilt and it is loud enough for you to hear it, why not ask her (politely) what she thinks you are doing wrong. Or what she doesn't like about it. It might just be the colors. Like I said everyone has different tastes.
Barb

Very wise and well put Tim. You have taken the advice right out of my mouth.

This is the only quilting guild that I have or need. And the support and encouragement from everyone is very much appreciated.

Too often those who criticize the most are the ones who can not do it so well themselves.

Connie

haha...I second what Ruth said..:)

Sounds like you have lots of advice to choose from. Hold true to who you are. Please let us know what you decide and how it went. You have all the support here no matter what you decide or how it goes. :wink:

I am so sorry you are not enjoying your group - DO NOT give up! I really like some of the comments and suggestions here--just might have to use them myself! LOL Every quilt is beautiful! I have never seen a "bad" quilt.

Wouldn't it be just toooooo funny to copy off all the responses you have had from this group, and present them to her???
Bet that might make her think!

:roll: I couldn't agree more, Who does this woman think she is GOD?? I think not!!! But she is most surely not as good as you, as you have a good heart and it has been hurt badly by this rude woman. Quilting is suppose to be FUN!!! And I do imagine your works of Art are quite something to behold as all the ladies are here. I do hope this woman doesn't have her fists in the officers but she does sound like the type and the same sort to run off a lot of quilters and before long she will be quite ALONE!!!! AH Sweet Revenge!!!! :D

Don't pay any attention to this person. If you are learning from others, then do not let this person ruin that. I belong to a great guild, fortunately, and love listening to our guest speakers. I also enjoy the show and tell at the end of the meeting.

I am member of a group that has 3 main "leaders" that can be very rude and critical. Some of the group felt the same way and put up with it for many years. I was a newby. Those of us who love to fellowship, sew & help others and eat have formed our own group. We now have 20 in our group. It will cost you a quarter to say anything negative about anyone else. We meet twice a month; one Sat and one weekday from noon to 8 and we all bring something for a potluck so we can eat around 5. No meetings just fun and love. So my suggestion to everyone out there is to find or form such a group. You could even start with just a few and meet in each others homes. We are lucky our space is free! Churches will also many times let you use one of their large rooms. Your taxes pay for your community centers. Use them. The rule here is we must do some charity work and be not for profit. We donate quilts to different agencies or where there is a family or child in need. So I always have a charity quilt ready..you never know. A good thing to do with scraps is to make small stuffed animals for the local police, fire and EMT's to have with them. It is something for a child to hug when things are not going so great for them at no fault of their own.

Connie

Honey, don't take things personaly...If someone treats you in an ugly menner..its mean that she or he are "ugly persons" with plenty of problems....you just happened to be on their way.....Its not your fault....
You are as beautiful and gorgeous as always.....They are the poor and misrable.... :D :D :D

Oh, I love what Ruth said. I totally agree!! :D :D I don't belong to our guild here because with my quilt business, I just don't have time. Everyone is always asking me to join and I always say someday. I love all of you here and feel like I don't need to go anywhere else!!! One of the ladies from our local guild even asked me to make her something so she wouldn't have to! I thought this was kind of funny. But also a great compliment.
I would totally ignore this woman because I think she has a very low self esteem.

Ruth, those are great usefull littls jabs. Love it. And Vicki you also should not have to put up with that especially at your job! Maybe there is someone higher then supervisor you can go to? It's terrible to have to get up and go to work every day knowing someone there makes you have an unplesent day. Okay, as Ruth said if all else fails than smack her :!: :roll: