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Thread: What would you have done?

  1. #1
    Super Member catrancher's Avatar
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    A friend recently sent me an email telling me she'd purchased a kit and asked me if I'd make it for her husband. Geez. I hate this. I didn't feel as if I could say no because she'd already purchased a kit! I told her the soonest I could get to it would be next spring.

    When I make something for someone it's because I found something that makes me think of them, and therefore, I'm inspired to make it--and I want to make it. For her to purchase a kit (which I don't like) and ask me to make it for her husband (whom I don't like), is extremely irritating.

    Her husband sent me an email a while back asking me to make him a queen-sized quilt and he was very specific about what he wanted. I told him it would be at least a couple of years before I could get to it, and also told him how much the fabric would cost, how much the quilting would cost. I estimated a quilt this size would cost somewhere on the order of $400 (and that didn't include my time). I told him to think about it, and let me know. Needless to say, I didn't hear from him again.

    Now, I'm stuck doing this project that I don't want to do. It's a small project--only 8 x 10, but I'm still irritated at her presumptuousness. So, I'm curious. What would you have done in this situation--specifically, with the prepurchased kit. I want to be ready if it happens again.

  2. #2
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    I agree - very presumptuous. Because she didn't talk to you about it ahead of time, I see no reason to agree to do anything about it. You can always refer her to a quilt shop that might have people interested in doing it.

    8 x 10 what?

    How close of a friend is this?

    Has she offered payment?

    Can you get out of doing it if you don't want to?

  3. #3
    np3
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    I wouldn't do it. I hope you mean 8 inches by 10 inches. She had no right to do that, even if she was your BFF. You have some time between now and spring to get out of it. Tell her that you are behind on your planned projects and just can't schedule it in.

  4. #4
    Super Member nursie76's Avatar
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    I guess it would depend on how much you value her friendship and how much not doing it would damage that relationship.
    Personally, I find it hard to do something that doesn't "speak" to me, as in like the pattern, material, want a gift for someone I really like or love.
    Bottom line....would you agree to do it if she hadn't purchased the kit? If not, then the fact that she bought the kit is her issue, you didn't tell her to buy it. So if you don't do it you are not to blame.
    I am proud of you that you told her you couldn't get to it until spring. Now I feel it might be a ggod idea to go one step further and tell her how much you would charge for doing it...and quote high!
    I hate it when folks do things like this. So sorry, hope you figure out what you need to do.

  5. #5
    Super Member catrancher's Avatar
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    [quote=bearisgray]I agree - very presumptuous. Because she didn't talk to you about it ahead of time, I see no reason to agree to do anything about it. You can always refer her to a quilt shop that might have people interested in doing it.

    8 x 10 what?

    It's a bear's head. He likes bears.

    How close of a friend is this?

    We knew one another in high school. We live in different states, and we are sort of email penpals. We occasionally visit one another. I made her a quilt for a housewarming last Christmas--one I wanted to do because it made me think of her. Her husband is a jack-*ss. I can't stand the man. I keep my visits with her short because of him.

    Has she offered payment?

    She's offered to reimburse me for any extra costs. The fabrics for the front are included with the kit. I told her she'd need to pick fabric for the back and the binding. I don't care about thread or batting. I have plenty of thread, and I can use scraps for batting. So, yes, and no. She's offered to reimburse expenses, but nothing for my time.

    Can you get out of doing it if you don't want to?

    I suppose so, but I've already said yes. I felt put on the spot because she'd already purchased the kit. I asked her what the technique was (raw-edged fusible applique) because I couldn't tell from the picture she sent me. I told her I wasn't sure I knew how to do it, but I do know how to do raw-edged fusible applique. In that exchange, I suggested that someone at a quilt shop might be able to do it for her. But now I've told her that I'll do it. I just don't want this to happen again.

  6. #6
    Super Member catrancher's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by np3
    I wouldn't do it. I hope you mean 8 inches by 10 inches. She had no right to do that, even if she was your BFF. You have some time between now and spring to get out of it. Tell her that you are behind on your planned projects and just can't schedule it in.
    This would be the easiest thing to do. And yes, 8 x 10 inches.

  7. #7
    Super Member catrancher's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nursie76
    I guess it would depend on how much you value her friendship and how much not doing it would damage that relationship.
    Personally, I find it hard to do something that doesn't "speak" to me, as in like the pattern, material, want a gift for someone I really like or love.
    Bottom line....would you agree to do it if she hadn't purchased the kit? If not, then the fact that she bought the kit is her issue, you didn't tell her to buy it. So if you don't do it you are not to blame.
    I am proud of you that you told her you couldn't get to it until spring. Now I feel it might be a ggod idea to go one step further and tell her how much you would charge for doing it...and quote high!
    I hate it when folks do things like this. So sorry, hope you figure out what you need to do.
    I value her friendship, I just don't like him. But that is beside the point. I like your point about the kit being her responsibility. I hadn't thought of it that way. The worst part of this is that the pattern doesn't speak to me, and my heart isn't in it. It's a small project. I can probably do it in a couple of days, but I'd rather work on something I'd enjoy for someone I like.

  8. #8
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    Oops.

    I suppose the up side to this is - you can learn a new technique.

    Someone told me that a very good stock answer for almost anything before committing to it is:

    Let me think about it and I'll get back to you.

  9. #9
    e4
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    Quote Originally Posted by catrancher
    A friend recently sent me an email telling me she'd purchased a kit and asked me if I'd make it for her husband.
    You say your friend "asked". Although that may be misguided and you feel it put you in a bad position, it really wasn't rude - she asked, not demanded.

    You should have just said you were sorry, but you don't make "quilts for hire" (unless you do and then you could have discussed payment) or that you didn't have time. I's sorry to say that you put yourself in this situation by avoiding the obvious response "no, I'm sorry I can't" and offering instead to do it at a later date.

    A good friend would understand and a friend who doesn't isn't worth having (getting off my Ann Landers/Dear Abby soapbox now).

  10. #10
    Moderator sharon b's Avatar
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    When someone asks me to do things and I don't want to --- the wait can be years :wink: LOL and if they check back - the wait is still way out there :thumbup:

    Good luck- maybe since it is only 8 x10 and raw edge you can get it done and out and move on

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