Quiltingboard Forums

Quiltingboard Forums (https://www.quiltingboard.com/)
-   Pictures (https://www.quiltingboard.com/pictures-f5/)
-   -   I'm upset...he didn't like it (https://www.quiltingboard.com/pictures-f5/im-upset-he-didnt-like-t50404.html)

taiboo 06-19-2010 04:07 PM

1 Attachment(s)
This is the first time i have EVER finished a quilt (well this is a wall-hanger), but still, This is the first time i EVER machine quilted and the first time EVER i did binding...I made this for my father for Father's day and gave it to him today. I wanted him to be the first person to ever receive one from me

He flat out told me he didn't really like it, it didn't look patriotic enough for him and actually asked why i would make him something like that...He hurt my feelings sooo bad. I didn't bring it home, i left it at his house...but i know he will never hang it. The VERY first thing ever i made and gave as a gift and it was rejected (by my father no less).

I understand that not everyone has the same taste - but really???? I'm just shocked.

Thanks for listening :-(

DebraK 06-19-2010 04:09 PM

hurts when that happens ;-( {{hugs}}

I think it is lovely.

STEMSAM 06-19-2010 04:10 PM

Love the gift. Just beautiful.

taiboo 06-19-2010 04:11 PM

I know it's not perfect, but I MADE it for him....I didn't even get a thank you :-( he just folded it and put it aside.

SaraSewing 06-19-2010 04:12 PM

I am thrilled to get anything from my kids, especially handmade with this much work. I think it's lovely and you can rest asured that although likes are different, you did a good job, and were very thoughtful.

saf45 06-19-2010 04:13 PM

so sorry for your hurt,your quilt is beautiful.lots of hugs

sharon b 06-19-2010 04:13 PM

I am speechless for more than one reason :shock:

Looks great to me :thumbup: So sorry he hurt your feelings like that {{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

taiboo 06-19-2010 04:14 PM

I appreciate everyone's comments...I'm just venting...It really just struck a nerve today :-(

Rhonda 06-19-2010 04:14 PM

Sooo sorry. I understand completely. My mom is like that. I made her a small embroidered flower years ago and she took it and stored it away without any comments other than to say you should have done this and you should have done that to make it better.

Yes it hurts and I hurt for you! But remember he does love you just probably not good at showing it.


BTW I think it is lovely and very patriotic!!

pittsburgpam 06-19-2010 04:15 PM

I personally think it IS patriotic and it's beautiful! I don't know how it could be any more patriotic, really. I know how much it hurts to have a gift rejected, whether you made it or not.

Is he usually like this? If he is, there are some people who are tackless and unfeeling. Honey, now you know not to make something for him again and it's too bad that it's your father.

Chalk it up to experience and know that there are hundreds of us right here on this board who would be grateful and proudly display your work in our homes. {{{hugs}}}

woody 06-19-2010 04:15 PM

I'm sooo sorry that he didn't like it. I think it's gorgeous and you have done a fantastic job. You should be very proud of all your hard work and all the "firsts" you have achieved with this quilt. I hope that you will continue quilting as you seem to have a real talent for it.

Maride 06-19-2010 04:16 PM

I know the feeling. A quilt I made my MIL is used to control the air drafts over the AC. I just took it back, and nothing else was said about it. Some people just don't appreciate manual work. It hurts more that it was your father, and nothing is going to make you feel better right now, but you put it aside later and go on. Don't let this change how much you enjoy quilting. You like it and that is all that matters. I think your quilt is just beautiful. You should see some of my early work...maybe not.

Ok Darla 06-19-2010 04:16 PM

I feel for you. All that work. I made a quilt for my monster in law, she looked at it and told me to take it home. I made a double wedding ring for my brothers wedding. A year later I was visiting them and the Mrs was using it as a dog blanket. Don't let it bother you. The quilt is wonderful.

patricej 06-19-2010 04:17 PM

i'd be shocked, too.

go back and get it. give it to somebody who will appreciate it.

even fathers make mistakes. this one was a doozy.

Boston1954 06-19-2010 04:18 PM

Go back and get it and keep it for yourself. My parents raised me to say a gracious thank you for anything and not hurt people.

SulaBug 06-19-2010 04:18 PM

What a shame he had to treat your wonderful gift like that!! :(
I know it hurts a lot, but we must remember that not everyone can graciously accept gifts!! I am so sorry, for your hurting heart!! Try to think positive thoughts & get through the weekend. We are all thinking of you!!
:D :D :D :D

QuiltingGrannie 06-19-2010 04:19 PM

So sorry he hurt your feelings.
{{{{hugs}}}}
Many of us have been through that. I made a wall hanging/table runner for my DD and SIL for Christmas and knew the minute they opened it and just had a look of wonder that they didn't really like it. They took it home and it still sits, folded, on an end table under a bunch of other 'stuff'.

I think you did an awesome job! It's beautiful!

Don't let it hinder your future quilt making! You do good work!

beckyw 06-19-2010 04:19 PM

Sorry you got hurt by your dad. My husband is the same way . If he doesn't like s gift he will tell the kids he doesn't like it. He will tell me or anybody else also. Hard to live with.

MaryStoaks 06-19-2010 04:19 PM

How old is your father? Has he seen a doctor lately? Maybe he's not well?

taiboo 06-19-2010 04:20 PM

My husband felt REALLY bad about it and loved it and today asked me if tomorrow he could go to my local LQS and buy me the accu-go that i have been waiting for July to get in order to receive my bday discount my lqs offers...LOL...I had to fess up that i already bought it online for almost $100 cheaper LOL and it will be here on Tues. OPPPS

amma 06-19-2010 04:20 PM

(((HUGS))) I am so sorry that he hurt your feelings like this (((HUGS)))
I think your quilt is beautiful and that you did a wonderful job on it!!!

taiboo 06-19-2010 04:21 PM

LOL, he is 72 (will be in august) and this is just how he is, but he has never been that way with me.


Originally Posted by MaryStoaks
How old is your father? Has he seen a doctor lately? Maybe he's not well?


Toto's Mom 06-19-2010 04:21 PM

I am SO sorry............. for many years, I got the same reaction from my Dad for everything I ever did. I KNOW how it hurts, when you try so hard to do something you think they will like.
One year, I had made my Dad a lovely soft tailored woolen flannel shirt, and had even hand monogrammed it for him.
When he opened my present, and asked " What the %@)) am I supposed to do with THIS?" Instead of being hurt, that one time, I finally told him..........."You're supposed to wear it, and if you make ONE more ugly hurtful comment to me, I WILL tell you WHERE you can wear it!".
That ended it, and he has been decent to me ever since. For the first 45 years of my life, I can't recall ONE thing I ever did that suited him, though.
Here's ((((HUGS))))((((HUGS))))((((HUGS)))) for you, and just don't feel so alone.
You did a beautiful job on this, and you put your heart into it for him.

Elizabeth-Liz 06-19-2010 04:23 PM

I think it is just beautiful. It is his lose. I don't know how my dad would be, so I just don't make anything for him. My Mom in supportive and loves anything I do. And if it gets used for other than being pretty and to show off, I agree that it needs to be used for other reasons. Keep your chin up and know you did a great job.

Barb_MO 06-19-2010 04:25 PM

Sorry your feeling was hurt by your father's words and actions. Hugs to you for thinking of your father and wanting to do something nice for him. Hope you will continue on with your quilting. You did a good job with all the firsts....now that you have mastered those firsts, go on and make something very pretty just for yourself to enjoy.

Charlee 06-19-2010 04:25 PM

How do you get more patriotic than FLAGS and red white and blue?
I am so sorry that he reacted that way, and so sorry that you were hurt! ~MEGA HUG~

sewgull 06-19-2010 04:26 PM

Sorry your feeling are hurt. Forgive your dad, and releize there is something wrong with him health wise. It maybe the beginning of a health issue.
It also could be the fact that the quilt brought some memory that he can't deal with. He may need you more that you know at this time.

raptureready 06-19-2010 04:30 PM

I'm truly sorry this happened to you but don't let it prevent you from enjoying quilting. We've all had things like this happen to us. From people thinking that our art is a cheap way of getting out of buying a gift to just being plain rude. Your wall hanging is lovely.

It's a shame that he couldn't have been more gracious. My father wouldn't have cared for it either. He wouldn't have said so though, he just didn't have any use for things like that. I say leave it and the hurt he caused there, if you bring it home it will be a constant reminder.

A lot of older people don't appreciate anything that can't be "used." My mom was like that too. Don't give her any knick knacks that she had to dust, if it was a quilt it had better fit a bed, etc. One of her favorite birthday gifts was the year we went together and bought a handicap toilet and installed it in her bathroom. We'd have done that for her anyway but since it was her birthday and Mother's Day..... She loved it because it was practical. Perhaps your father is the same way.

thismomquilts 06-19-2010 04:31 PM

It is beautiful and VERY patriotic - I mean, what aspect of patriotism is not in it??? It's sad about his reaction - I made my sisterinlaw a quilt once - she did not like - I took it back and have not made her anything else.

bj 06-19-2010 04:32 PM

I'm sorry your dad hurt your feelings. I have to say, sometimes it is a guy thing. My dad would not get the whole wall hanging thing. I made him and my stepmom a table topper. She loved it. He said what the he** is it. But that's my dad.

lalaland 06-19-2010 04:32 PM

It's really difficult to comment when one doesn't know the family dynamics of a situation. Unfortunately, it is what it is and there's not much we can do about it.

That is a beautiful quilt, you did a great job and you should be proud of yourself. Now move on to something else, make a bedspread for yourself, or a wall hanging, or something really challenging like a mini quilt.

And if it's something your dad would appreciate more, trade your quilt for a nice dinner out with you (or whatever), and take your quilt and put it on display in your home so you can enjoy it.

thismomquilts 06-19-2010 04:33 PM


Originally Posted by taiboo
My husband felt REALLY bad about it and loved it and today asked me if tomorrow he could go to my local LQS and buy me the accu-go that i have been waiting for July to get in order to receive my bday discount my lqs offers...LOL...I had to fess up that i already bought it online for almost $100 cheaper LOL and it will be here on Tues. OPPPS

This is funny!! :) Glad you got it cheaper - now take what you saved and buy something else for your b-day!! :)

earlylace 06-19-2010 04:34 PM

I am so sorry, I would be crushed also, I am new at quilting have made 3 and gave them all away. Takes me 2-3 months to complete, so much love and work goes into making something quilted. Anyway, we live close by, I am in Washington, Warren County NJ. Where do you shop for fabric? Lace

wvdek 06-19-2010 04:39 PM

I'm sorry you feel so hurt. I had a dad that was the same way to our faces. However, to his cronies, he told a different story and bragged on us. Go figure.

Your hanging is lovely and I know alot of guys that would be happy to receive it.

So, here is what I would do. When I have settled down, go back to dads and ask him where the gift is you gave him. When he shows you, state to him that since he did not appreciate all of the love and time spent making him something special, you are taking it to the nearest VA center for the guys who have to live there and would really appreciate it, if it is ok with him. Aask him if he would like to go with you to present it to them himself. Not being mean or nasty, just letting him know that his behavior was uncalled for and he can't step on you that way.
Now, I agree there malybe a medical problem with him so bring it up to his Dr. if you can.

Charlee 06-19-2010 04:39 PM

Taiboo....I just showed your post to William (my DH)...he asked me to tell you that as a vet, he would be MORE than honored, it would occupy a place of honor, and he's willing to pay for shipping!! :lol:

pocoellie 06-19-2010 04:40 PM

I think you did a beautiful job and I'm sorry your father didn't appreciate the hard work and workmanship, but personally speaking I sure wouldn't make him anything else. HUGS

Olivia's Grammy 06-19-2010 04:46 PM

Your quilt is beautiful. My MIL used to say "This is just the thing" then I would never see it again. I used to asked her if she was saving it for the next Mrs.? She was a good MIL to me and I loved her dearly until it was gift time.

Eddie 06-19-2010 04:47 PM

Oh, dear. I'm so sorry that your father hurt you like this. It was painful just reading it, I know it was 100 times worse being there and living it. I've had several episodes like that from my parents in the past, and it was hurtful each time as well. Again, so sorry. :(

BTW, your wall hanging is beautiful, I love that pattern.

pvquilter 06-19-2010 04:52 PM

I think it is lovely. I know how you feel. My mother can be that way. It really hurts. You make something you think they really would like and not even a comment is made.Go back and get it and keep it for yourself or give to someone else. Hugs!!!

kso 06-19-2010 04:52 PM

AS people age they often become more outspoken and will do or say things without thinking.That's not an excuse, but may help you to understand his behavior.

I would simply go get it and tell him if he didn't like it you would give it to someone who would appreciate it.

Your local Veterans Center, American Legion, VFW, etc would probably display it proudly.


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 09:20 PM.