Memory quilt input and opinions please
 

Please read and then comment...

I had a family member pass away and I asked for their clothes to make memory quilts for surviving spouse and child (if they would like - which they did).
I had the clothes for quite awhile waiting for the right inspiration. When I finally figured out the idea, I made the quilts.
Before they had been quilted or gifted, I had talked with a few friends about what ideas I was mulling over and after I decided, what I was working on. The friends did not see the works or have input on what I was doing, nor did they help. One of the friends knows the family members the quilts were intended for.

The problem... and how I handled it:
I felt the quilts were a very personal item, and that if the recipients wished, they could show the finished product.
I discussed my feelings with my closest friend and my husband - they agreed. The problem was the one friend who knows the intended recipients keeps bugging to see the quilts "before they're gone"... she even asked outright where they were when she came over for tea one day and I had another family member (who was related to recipients but didn't know about the quilts) with me. I shook my head off to the side and looked at that person, and my friend stopped talking... until we were alone. Again I re-iterated that the finished products were for the recipients and it would be their decision to share or not as it was a personal item...

Now this friend is very upset as she "knows both of them very well" and wanted to see the quilts. I told her they had been given away and she again said she was very disappointed I hadn't allowed her to see them..

Thoughts?

I think you did the right thing. To me this is very personal for the family members who wanted the quilts to be made (surviving spouse and child). You did it for them, not for anyone else.

Take a soothing breath, you did the right thing.

If this friend continues, just tell her/him that that the subject is out of bounds and closed. If they still continue to fuss, don't dignify it with an answer. Silence is golden.

I find it bizarre that this friend is so insistent on being privy to something that is none of her business. Only thing I can think of is maybe she's looking for ideas to do something similar?

I agree with Ru - silence is golden, especially awkward silences.

You handled the situation on your own terms. You didn’t allow others to manipulate you. Good job!

I often ask to see what a friend has made, to admire and give compliments, perhaps also to ask questions about how something was done or to get ideas. An important part of the quilting experience is the "show and tell." However if the friend said that she would prefer not to show her work - for any reason - that would be the end of that, and I wouldn't ask again. It's strange that this friend couldn't understand that no means no.

Don’t you fret one more minute about this. You were absolutely justified to decline showing her those quilts. You offered to make them for your family member - and what privilege for you to create a beautiful memory. They belong to that family member and they should be the ones to get the honor and pleasure of showing them to the world. I’ve made several memory quilts and absolutely no one sees them until the family does. Memory quilts are extremely personal to those family members!

You handled it well. Really the only ones that should see them are the recipients and then if they want to share they can. You're off the hook.

I agree totally. If her feelings are hurt or she is disappointed, that's for her to deal with. All you have to say is "I'm sorry you feel that way". Its not your job to fix her feelings.

cash's mom took the words out of my mouth. The OP sounds very immature and that's not your problem!