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  • Cosmic relationships between event horizons and quilting. A scientific study.

  • Cosmic relationships between event horizons and quilting. A scientific study.

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    Old 08-05-2013, 03:07 PM
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    Default Cosmic relationships between event horizons and quilting. A scientific study.

    Recently released findings on Black holes and quilting with notes on the nature of white holes in a domestic setting.

    Not a lotis known about the exact nature of black holes, and some
    might postulate white holes, but it has recently been a great source
    of study. Statistically many mini black holes have been detected near
    or around homes where dedicated quilters live and gather. Rather an
    anomalous finding It does require further study. It seems to occur rather
    more frequently in homes where a great deal of quilt-making happens
    but the shopping to usage index of fabric is low. It seems that some
    quilters and stitchers in general who allow gaps in their fabric
    stash to occur set up a cosmic environment that fosters the creation
    of a tiny black hole. This cosmological event will only grow larger
    over time increasing the likely hood of a much larger event horizon
    that could ultimately involve the entire known universe and beyond.
    If two such stitchers should live in close proximity of each other the
    effect is increased exponentially. To slow or prevent such growth it
    is necessary to fill the gaps with newer fabric, there by preventing
    hopefully any development of the danger to begin with. This
    phenomenon has also been observed in a slightly lesser degree with
    buttons, trims, threads, books and magazines. It is also known that a
    good preventative measure is to keep one or more very high quality
    sewing machines in the immediate area.
    It has been postulated that persons who embark on a course of
    becoming the gathers of large quantities of fabric have acquired a
    special duty. To whit they should be required by all standards of
    ethical behavior to keep holes in their fabric stashes from
    happening at all. Despite any hardship to themselves and their
    immediate family this course of action is highly recommended. All
    spouses, partners and children have a duty not only to the human
    race and theplanet at large but to the entire universe and life it's self
    to point out when such shortages seem to be appearing and offer to
    assist the quilter to acquiring more fabric. Not only will this help
    alleviate the problem but their ultimate reward will be an outpouring
    of quilted objects for their use-age. All family members need to be
    aware that how their needs are met, IE. Food, clothing, housing,
    transportation, and entertainment needs are only there in furtherance
    to the goal of preventing black holes from appearing in their homes.
    Further study of this phenomena is highly indicated and it may be
    that in the future information gleaned will indicate the need for
    more quilt shops in general and an increase in the availability of
    high quality and appealing fabric at a low to reasonable cost per
    yard. In addition home plans will need to include a large and well
    lit studio for the quilter to engage in her vital work preserving the
    cosmological integrity of the universe at large.
    Along with the study of black holes, white holes seem to be a topic
    rich in interest. Little is known at this time about white holes but
    is indicated that they are responsible for the depositing of small
    objects such as keys, coins, buttons and seam rippers in odd unlikely
    places and deep into the cushions of upholstered furnishings. In
    addition is the largely unknown connection between black holes and
    white holes in the depositing of odd socks in clothes dryers.
    In conclusion The Committee for the Preservation of the Universe
    would like to thank each and every member of the quilting community
    for saving the world one yard at a time.<o></o>

    <o></o>
    > Are the white holes invisible?
    White holes are not invisible but they can look a great deal like
    dust bunnies. They are found quite frequently in conjunction with
    them. It is speculated that they are built up of the linty dust that
    accumulates near or around fabric stashes. There is a theory that
    black holes will suck up small items and white holes will spew them
    out. The fact that there is often lint and small debris down in sofa
    cushions seems to support this. I do not agree that white holes are
    responsible for spewing solo socks into dryers, personally my
    research shows that black holes are used deliberately to suck up
    socks and then they are transported to an alternate universe where
    the beings are mono-pedal. The actually import our sock(s) for their
    personal use. They will accept dark colors but prefer argyle or
    stripes. After they have finished using the socks the Mono-peds will
    return the sock. Sometimes they return it to where it was originally
    found IE the dryer but more often only in the vicinity of the dryer,
    such as behind or under the dryer. The fact that the socks have been
    well used by the Mono-peds shows in the sock's dilapidated
    condition. Occasionally a sock taken from a domestic laundry room
    but is returned to a commercial Laundromat.
    My theory is still largely unaccepted by the Cosmological Studies
    Community but I firmly believe that it will be proven in time. I am
    currently conducting an experiment in my own laundry room to catch
    a Mono-pedin the act so to speak. I have planted a dummy sock in bright argyle chock fullof sensing equipment and hope that it will continue to record and transmit evenafter the Mono-peds have snatched it.
    Thank you for your question as it has given me an opportunity to
    discuss my own research. My colleagues in the Cosmological Studies
    Community refuse to even take my phone calls and have blocked me on their chatlines. Dedicating your life to science can be a lonely
    proposition at times. Still I remain (as I am known to my supporters)
    Cosmic Ellen. Happy scientificating<o></o>

    <o></o>
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    Old 08-05-2013, 03:40 PM
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    I have another theory. Every sewing room has a black hole where our scissors and seam rippers disappear into.
    Tartan is offline  
    Old 08-06-2013, 07:10 AM
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    It is the evil monopeds way of threatening us if we don't send more argyle socks....sort of a ransom demand.
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    Old 08-07-2013, 12:53 PM
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    I was doing my part in preventing black holes!
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