Alzheimers
12-27-2010, 09:40 PM
#11
Super Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: La Pine Oregon, USA
Posts: 5,907
I'm sure others will be able to help you more, but I can say that yes, she's acting normal for someone with those conditions ---if there IS a normal for it! It could get worse, with alzheimer's they can/do forget to get dressed, or have a habit of taking off their clothes (my grandmother). She can do a LOT for someone her age....be thankful for that. My grandmother couldn't dress herself or feed herself. If you want to do something to make her last years happy, then if she wants to eat straight sugar, let her. She'll die happy. She may or may not know what's happening.....The hardest part will be not getting mad at her. She can't help what she does. Yes, my grandmother went thru a mean streak. She also hid things and then would call the police and have them come to the house saying she'd been robbed. I would suggest that you DO go to town, let her get upset. YOU need to take care of yourself, too. She'll either keep getting upset or she'll get used to it.
I'm with the other that said do some research on both diseases here on the Net -- and talk to the doctors about finding you some help. The local Senior Services dept for your state might be able to help you.
Best of luck! {{{HUGS}}}
I'm with the other that said do some research on both diseases here on the Net -- and talk to the doctors about finding you some help. The local Senior Services dept for your state might be able to help you.
Best of luck! {{{HUGS}}}
12-27-2010, 09:47 PM
#12
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Close to Breezewood, PA
Posts: 397
I live in a very rural area and the office of the aging is the place to go for lots of answers. There are also funds available to help with your moms care.
You need to take a break too. The office of the aging can help arrange for in home care. So many people are not aware of the funds and resources available.
Sending you hugs and you are doing a wonderful thing by taking care of your mom. It is never easy to be the adult child.
You need to take a break too. The office of the aging can help arrange for in home care. So many people are not aware of the funds and resources available.
Sending you hugs and you are doing a wonderful thing by taking care of your mom. It is never easy to be the adult child.
12-27-2010, 10:08 PM
#13
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: LA
Posts: 1,551
She sounds like my mom who died recently of cancer but had Alzheimers for years before the cancer. In her own mind she is perfectly "normal" because people with Alz don't think or act the way we do. I was one of my mom's caregivers along with my dad. I know first-hand how difficult it is for you. I'll make a few suggestions that I'm sure will make your life easier, but they are suggestions only. If anything doesn't work for you or if you're not comfortable with anything, just ignore the suggestion. That's really important.
First, deal with the anger (or the bad days) by visiting a doctor and perhaps putting her on meds. My mom had begun threatening me but it wasn't normal for her to do that. Once we put her on anti-depressants, she was much happier and never again mean.
Next, deal with your own emotions. You will be in a much better frame of mind to deal with the daily problems of caring for an Alz patient. You have to go through the grieving process and come to terms with what is happening to your mom and also what you life becomes. It's not easy and there are some tough decisions to be made. If you don't have help, recruit family members or prepare to have someone who can pitch in at least on occasion.
Finally, try not to worry about her life passing her by. She will be okay in her own world. It's probably one of the hardest lessons to learn--her world is safe and calm and she wants to be there. It's not your job to bring her back to your world. I know, it's crazy in a sense, but if you can accept this one thing, you'll be okay.
In my experience trying to bring the person back to our world just doesn't work and you may miss wonderful opportunities. Mom would tell me stories about when she was little--her doll, her brothers, their games, etc. She spoke as though I was there alongside her during that time. It was just so strange to have these conversations, but I went along with her, asked her questions like what's the doll's name, what game are we playing and so on. (Although mostly I just let her ramble on.) I learned more about her life during these conversations than I ever thought I would have. And it's because I didn't remind her that her brother was dead or that I wasn't alive in the 1940's when she was a child.
Of course, by this time, she was in the more advanced stages, and I had stopped telling her who was dead and who was living. I never lied, I just avoided giving an answer that would be difficult for her. I had discovered that every time we answered a question truthfully and fully, she had to deal with the emotion and grief of the answer. She couldn't remember who had passed, so she would grieve for her father who died in 1972 or whomever she happened to be asking about. This happened every time she thought of someone who had already passed. I just couldn't put her through that. Eventually she quit asking if so and so was dead and started talking to him/her as though the person were alive.
In the final stages, she didn't even speak any more. And whether it was the cancer or the Alz that made her body slowly shut down doesn't matter. She lived a full life and I miss her terribly, but I would not exchange one moment of our time together. Even when she was difficult or in her own world, she was a wonderful person.
I hope this helps you. It surely helps me to remember her and to think that my experience may help someone else who is dealing with a loved one. Most people would say Alz is a horrible disease, that it robs the patient of life, but I came to terms with my mom's battle and decided that her life was worth my change in attitude. So, I changed my attitude and instead of watching her from the outside, I tried to join her where ever she happened to be. I'm not saying it was easy or will work for you, but it certainly did work for me and my mom.
First, deal with the anger (or the bad days) by visiting a doctor and perhaps putting her on meds. My mom had begun threatening me but it wasn't normal for her to do that. Once we put her on anti-depressants, she was much happier and never again mean.
Next, deal with your own emotions. You will be in a much better frame of mind to deal with the daily problems of caring for an Alz patient. You have to go through the grieving process and come to terms with what is happening to your mom and also what you life becomes. It's not easy and there are some tough decisions to be made. If you don't have help, recruit family members or prepare to have someone who can pitch in at least on occasion.
Finally, try not to worry about her life passing her by. She will be okay in her own world. It's probably one of the hardest lessons to learn--her world is safe and calm and she wants to be there. It's not your job to bring her back to your world. I know, it's crazy in a sense, but if you can accept this one thing, you'll be okay.
In my experience trying to bring the person back to our world just doesn't work and you may miss wonderful opportunities. Mom would tell me stories about when she was little--her doll, her brothers, their games, etc. She spoke as though I was there alongside her during that time. It was just so strange to have these conversations, but I went along with her, asked her questions like what's the doll's name, what game are we playing and so on. (Although mostly I just let her ramble on.) I learned more about her life during these conversations than I ever thought I would have. And it's because I didn't remind her that her brother was dead or that I wasn't alive in the 1940's when she was a child.
Of course, by this time, she was in the more advanced stages, and I had stopped telling her who was dead and who was living. I never lied, I just avoided giving an answer that would be difficult for her. I had discovered that every time we answered a question truthfully and fully, she had to deal with the emotion and grief of the answer. She couldn't remember who had passed, so she would grieve for her father who died in 1972 or whomever she happened to be asking about. This happened every time she thought of someone who had already passed. I just couldn't put her through that. Eventually she quit asking if so and so was dead and started talking to him/her as though the person were alive.
In the final stages, she didn't even speak any more. And whether it was the cancer or the Alz that made her body slowly shut down doesn't matter. She lived a full life and I miss her terribly, but I would not exchange one moment of our time together. Even when she was difficult or in her own world, she was a wonderful person.
I hope this helps you. It surely helps me to remember her and to think that my experience may help someone else who is dealing with a loved one. Most people would say Alz is a horrible disease, that it robs the patient of life, but I came to terms with my mom's battle and decided that her life was worth my change in attitude. So, I changed my attitude and instead of watching her from the outside, I tried to join her where ever she happened to be. I'm not saying it was easy or will work for you, but it certainly did work for me and my mom.
12-27-2010, 10:44 PM
#14
Power Poster
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 17,068
Betty, I'm a nurse but not an expert here. Sounds more like dementia than Alzheimers to me though.
I honestly don't think she is aware of her life passing by like you or I would be.
You've been given some wonderful advice by the others.
Check out help in your area and above all let her know how much you love her frequently.
We are all here for you. PM me anytime.
HUGS, Sue
I honestly don't think she is aware of her life passing by like you or I would be.
You've been given some wonderful advice by the others.
Check out help in your area and above all let her know how much you love her frequently.
We are all here for you. PM me anytime.
HUGS, Sue
12-27-2010, 11:33 PM
#15
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Central VA
Posts: 413
Originally Posted by BETTY62
Is anyone out there the primary care giver for someone with alzheimers or dimentia? I have a question. Thanks
12-27-2010, 11:43 PM
#16
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Central VA
Posts: 413
Originally Posted by BETTY62
Thank you guys for responding. Reading your messages has helped a lot and has also made me see thngs that I knew but don't think I wanted to actually admit to myself or anyone else.
I am the primary care giver for my soon to be 97 year old Mother. Other than the dementia/alzhimer's ( depending on the dr you talk with )she is in above average health. She can still get around without any type of assistance, dress herself and do simple chores like make her bed, unload the dishwasher and fold cloths. For this, I thank God every day.
Betty, everything you have mentioned is parr for the course. It will only get worse, never better. It was hard when my husband didn't know me anymore. The communication wasn't there anymore. It is very, very hard to accept. He was not the man I married when he died. But, on the other hand, it was the desease, not him, that had taken his mentallity away. Again, my prayers are with you. Take care of yourself too. Your mom has lived a long healthy life up until now and I know you are greatful for that. Hang in there!!
She has good days where she is aware of what is going on around her and bad days where she is very confused. Until tonight when I read one of the post, I don't think I actually wanted to admit to myself that she also has days where she is a nice person and days where she is an extremely mean person. Not the Mother that raised me.
She also has developed some very odds habbits. She no longer wants to go outside of the house even to sit on the pourch and get sunshine and fresh air. She only wants to eat sweets and cereal ( dr said at her age don't worry about it ) doesn't want to use a plate, had rather eat off a napkin, misplaces things and thinks someone took them and hoards rolls of toilet paper.
I have never been around someone with this illness. I do not know what to expect. I live in a small town about 1 hour from the city. Although help is available there, it is not easy to go into the city because Mom gets so upset if I am out of pocket. What I need to know is: Is her behavior normal for someone with dementia/alheimer's.
I also feel bad because I see her life passing by and I do not know what I can do to improve it's quality. Is there anything and do you think she knows life is passing her by?
Thank you guys for listening. I feel better already after having expressed by feeling to someone who is not directly involved in this situation.
Betty
I am the primary care giver for my soon to be 97 year old Mother. Other than the dementia/alzhimer's ( depending on the dr you talk with )she is in above average health. She can still get around without any type of assistance, dress herself and do simple chores like make her bed, unload the dishwasher and fold cloths. For this, I thank God every day.
Betty, everything you have mentioned is parr for the course. It will only get worse, never better. It was hard when my husband didn't know me anymore. The communication wasn't there anymore. It is very, very hard to accept. He was not the man I married when he died. But, on the other hand, it was the desease, not him, that had taken his mentallity away. Again, my prayers are with you. Take care of yourself too. Your mom has lived a long healthy life up until now and I know you are greatful for that. Hang in there!!
She has good days where she is aware of what is going on around her and bad days where she is very confused. Until tonight when I read one of the post, I don't think I actually wanted to admit to myself that she also has days where she is a nice person and days where she is an extremely mean person. Not the Mother that raised me.
She also has developed some very odds habbits. She no longer wants to go outside of the house even to sit on the pourch and get sunshine and fresh air. She only wants to eat sweets and cereal ( dr said at her age don't worry about it ) doesn't want to use a plate, had rather eat off a napkin, misplaces things and thinks someone took them and hoards rolls of toilet paper.
I have never been around someone with this illness. I do not know what to expect. I live in a small town about 1 hour from the city. Although help is available there, it is not easy to go into the city because Mom gets so upset if I am out of pocket. What I need to know is: Is her behavior normal for someone with dementia/alheimer's.
I also feel bad because I see her life passing by and I do not know what I can do to improve it's quality. Is there anything and do you think she knows life is passing her by?
Thank you guys for listening. I feel better already after having expressed by feeling to someone who is not directly involved in this situation.
Betty
12-28-2010, 12:42 AM
#17
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 358
I have worked with people suffering all types of dementia for 25 years.No two people are the same, some aspects of their disease manifests in similar ways. I have found that the earlier stages are the worst. The person is aware that there is something wrong, often this is the stage in which they require treatment for depression. I find that it is a priviledge to help Residents (I work in a nursing home), and their families deal with the day to day progression of this terrible disease. We deal with this with empathy and a lot of hugs. I am in awe of people who care for their loved ones at home. It takes a whole team 24 hours a day in a facility.Remember you must have a break at times or you will burn out. Use whatever community facilities such as repite care that is available to allow you to recharge the batteries.
Hugs to you and all that care for their loved ones. I am one lucky and priviledged RN to be working in Aged Care.
Colleen
Hugs to you and all that care for their loved ones. I am one lucky and priviledged RN to be working in Aged Care.
Colleen
12-28-2010, 03:22 AM
#18
Super Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: martinsville Indiana
Posts: 4,461
My MIL lived with me and she too had dementia. It was hard for my children and husband because they didnt understand her like I did because I had worked in nursing homes all my life. Its a real strain on the family. Hugs to you my dear, find a way to take time for yourself so you can better take care of her.
12-28-2010, 04:57 AM
#20
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: San Antonio, TX
Posts: 698
My dad has dementia. I had asked the doc if it were possible for my dad to take anti depressants and if that would help the mood swings. He just gave my dad a questionaire and decided dad wasn't depressed. ugh....! The mood swings are horrible and he is not the same loving man that raised me. I'm going to bring it up to the doc again. It's a painful disease for the family.
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