BF wants to get married but I want to run...need advice
05-02-2009, 05:07 PM
#22
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: in my sewing room...
Posts: 617
I lost my husband of 24 years last November and I'm now at the point that I don't want to share my space with anyone. I sleep in the middle of the bed, eat crackers (lol) and no one complains. I like being able to spend my money without checking with anyone else. I can stay up and sew to the wee hours and not feel bad because he went to bed without me, etc. I do miss the companionship, but not the disagreements. Don't get me wrong, I loved him to death, but...I can have a companion without being in the same house with him. Hope this makes some sense. I don't have anyone in my life right now...not ready yet, but I do hope to have someone in the future...preferably far enough away, that they won't just "drop" over all the time...like quilting too much to feel guilty!! :lol: :lol:
05-02-2009, 05:21 PM
#23
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Villages, FL
Posts: 1,817
I got married again (for the 4th time) Ladies don't diss me! We have been married for 19 years and I wouldn't trade him for the world! We waited 7 years to combine our financial accts and he is my hero and best friend. Follow your gut - you are asking good questions, and if you're asking the questions - wait.
05-02-2009, 05:30 PM
#24
Super Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: AZ/Utah border
Posts: 2,345
One of my biggest regrets is not RUNNING fast, in the opposite direction with my first marriage. I was too scared to back out, and had no support to do it. I've enabled myself to do that now, and my children also. Unless you are absolutely POSITIVE, don't do it. My wonderful husband now was certainly worth waiting for. When in doubt, don't!
05-02-2009, 07:50 PM
#27
Super Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Seacoast New Hampshire
Posts: 1,177
Thanks everyone. I do love being with him and miss him when we are apart, unless he extremely annoys me then I wish he'd go to Pluto for awhile. We talked about it again today and he's OK, he says he eventually would like to live together and I understand that, but when I'm ready.
You know what else? He takes me fabric shopping and helps me pick out stuff, and sits in the rocker in my sewing room while I sew. He'll watch tv and tell me how great whatever I'm making is coming along, even offering advice on block presentation. Yeah, it's pretty cool.
You know what else? He takes me fabric shopping and helps me pick out stuff, and sits in the rocker in my sewing room while I sew. He'll watch tv and tell me how great whatever I'm making is coming along, even offering advice on block presentation. Yeah, it's pretty cool.
05-02-2009, 07:51 PM
#28
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: NW Panhandle Texas
Posts: 584
If your gut says NO then listen. I am not saying he is a bad guy but your not ready, you might never be ready to get married again. Are you happy with him being in your life? Then leave things the way they are now, if he can not go on like they are then it is time for him to find someone ready to get married.
There is no right or wrong, is what it is.....
sorry that should have been adressed to "your friend" :roll:
I am ready to be married to David BUT he is not ready to for the 3rd time. He had one high school sweetheart who died right after he was sent overseas with the Marines came home married hmmmm yeah ok then took his son and got married to another single parent. Put her through law school. That was the worst divorce. So he is very gun shy. I know this and KNOW he is not going anywhere. We are planning the rest of our lives together and looking forward to retirement together. I want to be married but I will wait on him to be ready. I dont think of it as giving up freedom for the most part I do what I want, buy what I want and yes he gives me grief about "ALL that fabric" but he is NOT serious.
Being a couple you take the other in consideration in your decissions and plans but I like that part. I am also OK with being alone.
There is no right or wrong, is what it is.....
sorry that should have been adressed to "your friend" :roll:
I am ready to be married to David BUT he is not ready to for the 3rd time. He had one high school sweetheart who died right after he was sent overseas with the Marines came home married hmmmm yeah ok then took his son and got married to another single parent. Put her through law school. That was the worst divorce. So he is very gun shy. I know this and KNOW he is not going anywhere. We are planning the rest of our lives together and looking forward to retirement together. I want to be married but I will wait on him to be ready. I dont think of it as giving up freedom for the most part I do what I want, buy what I want and yes he gives me grief about "ALL that fabric" but he is NOT serious.
Being a couple you take the other in consideration in your decissions and plans but I like that part. I am also OK with being alone.
05-02-2009, 10:51 PM
#29
Super Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: AZ and CT
Posts: 4,898
Originally Posted by PatriceJ
i think the question answers itself. :wink:
you won't be doing either him or yourself any favors if you talk yourself into it and drag yourself down the aisle.
if your gut reaction to the imagined proposal sounds anything like "i'm not sure", then the answer must be "no". ok. add: "i adore you. it tickles me pink that you feel that way. but ..."
you won't be doing either him or yourself any favors if you talk yourself into it and drag yourself down the aisle.
if your gut reaction to the imagined proposal sounds anything like "i'm not sure", then the answer must be "no". ok. add: "i adore you. it tickles me pink that you feel that way. but ..."
05-03-2009, 04:34 AM
#30
Super Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: California
Posts: 3,502
I was married for 20 years, been divorced for 8, and I don't know if I would get married again. At first, just the barest HINT that someone was becoming serious about me and I would be scared to death. Literally I could feel the blood drain from my face and the adrenaline rush of fear through my whole body.
Now, I love living alone for the first time in my life since last August. I want companionship but living together even? I just don't know. I like doing what I want to do, when I want to do it.
Now if I met a man where there was no doubt at all and the thought of marrying him made me HAPPY, then I would.
Now, I love living alone for the first time in my life since last August. I want companionship but living together even? I just don't know. I like doing what I want to do, when I want to do it.
Now if I met a man where there was no doubt at all and the thought of marrying him made me HAPPY, then I would.
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