Dealing with disappointment re gifting
12-28-2010, 12:36 PM
#21
Junior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Harford County, MD
Posts: 181
weatherread, I agree with you. Regift it if you do not want it. But there is no need to throw it away or be rude when it is given to you. That reminds me of when my one grandson was about 5. They had a giftstore at there school where they could buy Christmas presents for next to nothing. He brought me a gently used statue of a lady that said "I love Grandmom" on it. I loved it and still have it on display. How would that little boy have felt if I had asked him why he gave me something that was gently used?
12-28-2010, 12:44 PM
#22
Junior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Caddo Mills Texas
Posts: 291
Yes I always tell my sister thankyou for the potholders and that the girls I work with will love them and I know the work she put into them but it doesn't matter what a little one gives you its from the heart and you always love it and cherish it
12-28-2010, 03:27 PM
#24
Super Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: IL
Posts: 2,671
Airwick 156, so sorry that happened to you. I'd have run home crying. I'm a nurse and I just can't imagine that. If I didn't want it I'd regift it. We just got reflex hammers from our bosses for the holidays. Some made remarks, but I don't mind. Btw, I still have this small, ugly quilt that my aunt, who I don't like in particular, gave me. Why? Because it's a quilt, and it has a bunny on it. She tried. I might donate it somewhere after she dies. But I wouldn't want her to see it at Goodwill and be hurt.
12-28-2010, 03:47 PM
#25
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Vermont
Posts: 6,978
I have been reading a lot about people being unappreciative of home-made gifts. Someone said, how are you supposed to feel when someone gives you something you don't want or like.
Well you can FEEL anyway you want. How you ACT is something else. There is no excuse for a reaction that makes the giver feel bad. Maybe you won't jump up and down and holler, but you can say, sincerely, wow, this is very nice - thank you so much for making it for me. Most people have enough acting ability to make it convincing.
I can't believe I am hearing about people saying, is this what you got me, not saying anything and putting it aside, etc. Who brought these people up? Is this what we are coming to -- it's all about ME ME ME - if I didn't get what I want I will make sure everyone knows it.
If I had ever acted that way my mother would have killed me. I am gathering from these threads that it is mostly the younger people who react this way. I think something is missing in their upbringing. And I think some older people are catching this attitude too.
Well you can FEEL anyway you want. How you ACT is something else. There is no excuse for a reaction that makes the giver feel bad. Maybe you won't jump up and down and holler, but you can say, sincerely, wow, this is very nice - thank you so much for making it for me. Most people have enough acting ability to make it convincing.
I can't believe I am hearing about people saying, is this what you got me, not saying anything and putting it aside, etc. Who brought these people up? Is this what we are coming to -- it's all about ME ME ME - if I didn't get what I want I will make sure everyone knows it.
If I had ever acted that way my mother would have killed me. I am gathering from these threads that it is mostly the younger people who react this way. I think something is missing in their upbringing. And I think some older people are catching this attitude too.
12-28-2010, 04:26 PM
#26
Super Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Arizona
Posts: 4,039
Originally Posted by ptquilts
I have been reading a lot about people being unappreciative of home-made gifts. Someone said, how are you supposed to feel when someone gives you something you don't want or like.
Well you can FEEL anyway you want. How you ACT is something else. There is no excuse for a reaction that makes the giver feel bad. Maybe you won't jump up and down and holler, but you can say, sincerely, wow, this is very nice - thank you so much for making it for me. Most people have enough acting ability to make it convincing.
I can't believe I am hearing about people saying, is this what you got me, not saying anything and putting it aside, etc. Who brought these people up? Is this what we are coming to -- it's all about ME ME ME - if I didn't get what I want I will make sure everyone knows it.
If I had ever acted that way my mother would have killed me. I am gathering from these threads that it is mostly the younger people who react this way. I think something is missing in their upbringing. And I think some older people are catching this attitude too.
Well you can FEEL anyway you want. How you ACT is something else. There is no excuse for a reaction that makes the giver feel bad. Maybe you won't jump up and down and holler, but you can say, sincerely, wow, this is very nice - thank you so much for making it for me. Most people have enough acting ability to make it convincing.
I can't believe I am hearing about people saying, is this what you got me, not saying anything and putting it aside, etc. Who brought these people up? Is this what we are coming to -- it's all about ME ME ME - if I didn't get what I want I will make sure everyone knows it.
If I had ever acted that way my mother would have killed me. I am gathering from these threads that it is mostly the younger people who react this way. I think something is missing in their upbringing. And I think some older people are catching this attitude too.
12-28-2010, 04:55 PM
#27
Super Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: northern California
Posts: 1,098
Originally Posted by GrammaNancy
Originally Posted by JanieW
I hope this the right section for this topic.
I've been reading a lot of threads where some of us have been hurt or disappointed by the reaction of some recipients to our home made gifts.
That happened to me a few years ago and I was actually humiliated in front of other people by the reaction to my gift. It was a real wake up call to me that not everyone wants or likes quilted articles . It's not even about not appreciating the work or effort or expense. We like what we like.
I am addicted to quilting/fabric/sewing. I decided not to be bitter about ungrateful people, but to share my skills with those who can benefit. I satisfy my addiction by making quilts for the preemies at our hospital and quilts for the children at the women's shelter. I use my best fabric for these donated quilts. I only ever buy my supplies on sale and I buy with these quilts in mind. The recipients are not fussy, the hospital staff is so grateful whenever I show up.
Don't get me wrong, I also sew for my kids and my grandkids, but they have input into what they are getting so I know they want it and will like it.
So for those of you who have been hurt by less than enthusiastic responses, think about sewing your hearts out for babies or kids or seniors that need it. You'll feel good, trust me.
I've been reading a lot of threads where some of us have been hurt or disappointed by the reaction of some recipients to our home made gifts.
That happened to me a few years ago and I was actually humiliated in front of other people by the reaction to my gift. It was a real wake up call to me that not everyone wants or likes quilted articles . It's not even about not appreciating the work or effort or expense. We like what we like.
I am addicted to quilting/fabric/sewing. I decided not to be bitter about ungrateful people, but to share my skills with those who can benefit. I satisfy my addiction by making quilts for the preemies at our hospital and quilts for the children at the women's shelter. I use my best fabric for these donated quilts. I only ever buy my supplies on sale and I buy with these quilts in mind. The recipients are not fussy, the hospital staff is so grateful whenever I show up.
Don't get me wrong, I also sew for my kids and my grandkids, but they have input into what they are getting so I know they want it and will like it.
So for those of you who have been hurt by less than enthusiastic responses, think about sewing your hearts out for babies or kids or seniors that need it. You'll feel good, trust me.
Remember the fireman who held the little girl after the Oklahoma City bombing? The child died, but she died after being held by a fireman who held her so tenderly that.... oh sweet Jesus, I'm starting to cry.... My point is, those hard ass cops and firemen and hospital people who have to DO THEIR JOB, choose that particular job because they care about people.
Wow, sorry about this, guess its too close to home. Anyway, think about giving small quilts for children, and even larger quilts to shelters. Those women and children need to know that someone cares.
Sorry I was so wordyl Blame it on the Christmas season. Sierra
12-28-2010, 05:19 PM
#28
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: North Texas
Posts: 449
thanks for a great thread.
my hubby likes to hunt, that doesn't mean I would necessarily want a mounted deer head on my wall for a christmas gift regardless of his talent to hunt or taxidermy or whatever. I love to quilt, and I know he doesn't necessarily want a (another??) quilt for Christmas. I don't expect that people will "appreciate" my work or even "want" it. Deep down inside I am doing something I love - I don't set expectations on others to "love" my gift or my end product, that would be just setting myself up for disappointment
summed up this year nicely me for me by my adult son:
Me: "Son, seriously, you are going to buy another guitar - how many do you have now, 4? 5? I just don't understand why you'd pay that much money for a guitar and sit in your room and play music all day! this is just crazy"
Son: "Mom, remind me again how many sewing machines you have and how much you paid for them? I just can't understand why you think you need another or why you find it necessary to buy fabric on end for yet more and more quilts - come on now, mom, don't you think that is crazy?"
Peace, I say, do what you love because YOU love it, expect nothing (even appreciation) in return. if you are giving a gift with the expectation of a certain reaction to make YOU feel better, acknowledged, appreciated valued, loved or what ever , it is not truly a GIFT.
quilt on everyone, do what you love, love what you do but don't harbor ill feelings or disappointment if others don't share your interest or passion.
and remember,, it isn't about US, it is about who you are giving a gift to.
thanks, feel better for venting.
my hubby likes to hunt, that doesn't mean I would necessarily want a mounted deer head on my wall for a christmas gift regardless of his talent to hunt or taxidermy or whatever. I love to quilt, and I know he doesn't necessarily want a (another??) quilt for Christmas. I don't expect that people will "appreciate" my work or even "want" it. Deep down inside I am doing something I love - I don't set expectations on others to "love" my gift or my end product, that would be just setting myself up for disappointment
summed up this year nicely me for me by my adult son:
Me: "Son, seriously, you are going to buy another guitar - how many do you have now, 4? 5? I just don't understand why you'd pay that much money for a guitar and sit in your room and play music all day! this is just crazy"
Son: "Mom, remind me again how many sewing machines you have and how much you paid for them? I just can't understand why you think you need another or why you find it necessary to buy fabric on end for yet more and more quilts - come on now, mom, don't you think that is crazy?"
Peace, I say, do what you love because YOU love it, expect nothing (even appreciation) in return. if you are giving a gift with the expectation of a certain reaction to make YOU feel better, acknowledged, appreciated valued, loved or what ever , it is not truly a GIFT.
quilt on everyone, do what you love, love what you do but don't harbor ill feelings or disappointment if others don't share your interest or passion.
and remember,, it isn't about US, it is about who you are giving a gift to.
thanks, feel better for venting.
12-28-2010, 05:30 PM
#29
Junior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Caddo Mills Texas
Posts: 291
I was so proud of my Daughter this year she made all her family and friends gifts I gave her a Janome 10000 and she made the people she works with cup towels all the women and girls in the family got monogramed bath robes and the guys got monogramed towels she was a busy girl I gave her a quilt i made and you would have thought it was gold she was to proud of it just like I am of her
12-28-2010, 05:36 PM
#30
Junior Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Central Kentucky
Posts: 169
Very good advice :thumbup:
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