Dear Dogs and Cats
04-19-2009, 08:33 PM
#1
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Out searching for some sunshine :-)
Posts: 58,856
The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a race track. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog's or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/
daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they...
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8 don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a race track. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog's or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/
daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they...
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8 don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
04-20-2009, 05:58 AM
#6
Super Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: chicago, IL
Posts: 9,589
I read this to Tink... I know that she doesn't agree with all of it, SHE ROLLED HER EYES! She thinks that the queen size bed is all hers...and she can't understand the part about closing her out of the bathroom...On Easter, she stood outside the bathroom door and whined and barked everytime someone went in without her....
10# of pure breed attitude!!! But I love her....
10# of pure breed attitude!!! But I love her....
04-20-2009, 08:39 AM
#8
Junior Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 246
This sounds like my cats!! I have one cat who has a panic attack and crys if I go into the bathroom without her. In the morning when I shower I leave the door cracked so she can get in and out of the bathroom. And if when I turn the shower off I don't open the shower curtain fast enough she has a panic attack about that too. She is also afraid of the bathroom rug!!! She will NOT walk on it. She walks around it. If you set her on it she freaks out and jumps off it. I don't know what her deal is with the bathroom!!!
04-20-2009, 06:13 PM
#10
Power Poster
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Salem Iowa
Posts: 15,666
Originally Posted by leona07
This sounds like my cats!! I have one cat who has a panic attack and crys if I go into the bathroom without her. In the morning when I shower I leave the door cracked so she can get in and out of the bathroom. And if when I turn the shower off I don't open the shower curtain fast enough she has a panic attack about that too. She is also afraid of the bathroom rug!!! She will NOT walk on it. She walks around it. If you set her on it she freaks out and jumps off it. I don't know what her deal is with the bathroom!!!
I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my menagerie to tell me what to do when!!!! I also have a cat that tries to guess where I am going and she tries to get there first!!
Love the letter to the pets!!!!
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