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Thread: First Son Getting Married Friday.... etiquette question

  1. #1
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    First Son Getting Married Friday.... etiquette question

    If you've have married children, did you buy them a wedding "gift"? Over and above what you paid for at the wedding? I can't decide if/what we should do about a gift. Thanks!
    ​Julie S.

  2. #2
    Senior Member sandybeach's Avatar
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    My son and future daughter-in-law had purchased a house about a year before their wedding and I bought them a washer and dryer for the house. I then purchased the four suits for the men in the wedding party (including the groom). And I gave the bride a pearl necklace that she had liked that I got for my wedding from his Dad. But I don't remember buying an actual "gift". The wedding was a small one and the couple paid for it themselves.

  3. #3
    Super Member Jeanne S's Avatar
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    I have two daughters and paid for both weddings, AND wedding gifts. We gave the first daughter her new bedroom furniture, and the second daughter a sizable check. Although I don't think it is mandatory, it is certainly customary in our part of the world to give wedding gifts to our children, separate and above from the wedding expenses. Both grooms' parents also gave significant wedding gifts to the couple, separate from the rehearsal dinners and honeymoons.

  4. #4
    Power Poster Jingle's Avatar
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    My kids just got married, never had to buy or pay for anything.
    Another Phyllis
    This life is the only one you get - enjoy it before you lose it.

  5. #5
    Super Member Irishrose2's Avatar
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    Four daughters and one son and, yes, gifts for all of them. Most of them it was a good set of pots and pans.

  6. #6
    Power Poster ManiacQuilter2's Avatar
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    It depends on what you can afford. You can always make a quilt or maybe a table runner. I made a table runner for a friend's daughter wedding. I know her daughter appreciates hand made items.
    A Good Friend, like an old quilt, is both a Treasure and a Comfort

  7. #7
    Power Poster lynnie's Avatar
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    When I married my dh, his parents gave us a very sizeable ck that paid for the honeymoon all wedding expenses and had some left over. My mom gave me a smaller ck, what one would give as a gift to any wedding they went to. For some reason, my mother never acknowledged my husband, and to this day does not. Don't know why, coz he's the best guy in town!! Maybe she's jealous he's so good to me.
    put off till tomorrow what you can do today, and if you procrastinate long enough, you may never have to do it.

  8. #8
    Super Member Kimkankwilt's Avatar
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    My son is getting married in June and they're getting $$$$ for the honeymoon.
    Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today.

    Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but chuckle when you see one tumble down the stairs.

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    When we decided on a rehearsal dinner budget, we gave extra money which I think they used on the honeymoon. We've also helped with incidentals. I think we've decided to give them plane tickets to visit our vacation home. They're very hard to buy for, they buy what they need/want and just prefer cash. I hate giving cash for every occasion. It's not like they need ​it, I'd rather contribute to something specific. That's just me though!
    ​Julie S.

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    My boys paid for both but didn't have large weddings. We gave each of them money. The one had a destination wedding. The other had a small reception. We had 2 week notices for each. I got the best gifts. 4 beautiful DGDs.

  11. #11
    Super Member GrammaNan's Avatar
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    When my oldest son got married. We gave them a check for a little more than we could really afford at the time. I got two grandchildren with another on the way out of the deal and couldn't be happier.
    I am too POSITIVE to be doubtful, too OPTIMISTIC to be fearful and way to DETERMINED to be defeated.

  12. #12
    Super Member tesspug's Avatar
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    I made my DD and DSIL a king size quilt.
    I promise not to buy any more fabric until I see something I really like. Or it's on sale. Or I think it might match something.

  13. #13
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    Everyone, and every situation is different. When our son got married, we paid for almost everything. Her dad and stepmom were supposed to cover the photographer and DJ, but I wound up writing a check for both at the reception. Her mother sent money, then asked for it back. This was our choice to pay, and we willing did it, and could afford to do so. We also gave them $$$ as a wedding gift. Do what you are comfortable with!

  14. #14
    Power Poster Annaquilts's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by baronreads View Post
    If you've have married children, did you buy them a wedding "gift"? Over and above what you paid for at the wedding? I can't decide if/what we should do about a gift. Thanks!
    I make them a quilt. I really do not have the funds to buy anything significant. So far no one has complaint and they better not as we do everything for the wedding including the cooking, alterations and hosting.
    Anna Quilts

  15. #15
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    Here's the other end of the spectrum. I have no children (saving fur babies). When I married husband #1, we paid for the wedding; honeymoon, etc. ourselves. It was not a large or lavish wedding. Had a home and all the trimmings for it. My folks gave us $500. They never liked him either.

    When I married DH (current) #2 (whom the folks liked) - same deal We paid for everything. Even smaller this time - immediate family only. Got a picnic basket and a check for $300 from folks.

    When Bro #1 married- destination; large; lavish wedding - the gift to them was - hotel rooms for everyone on our side of the family; rehearsal dinner; sizeable check. Justification - her folks were spending a lot of $$.

    Bro #2 married - local; large wedding. As far as I know - sizeable check.

    When sis married - paid for the entire wedding (minus a few small items they required her to pay for -they didn't like her (then) husband either.

    My only suggestion - make sure whatever you are doing for this child, you are also able to do (at least in kind) for any other children you may have.

  16. #16
    Super Member busy fingers's Avatar
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    When our son was married we contributed to the cost of the wedding and also gave them enough money to pay for their honeymoon.

  17. #17
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    When our daughter married we paid for wedding and also paid for luxury honeymoon. When son got married we gave him cheque for cost of daughters wedding plus paid for luxury honeymoon. The honeymoons were the "board" money our children paid to us when they finished their education but still lived at home. We had no need of the money but made sure they knew that it costs to live somewhere. So we just saved the money for them and when they got married it meant they could have a memorable honeymoon.

  18. #18
    Super Member kydeb's Avatar
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    In addition to paying for our wedding obligations, we purchased my a sofa sleeper as a wedding gift. They were going to live in a 1 bedroom apartment and we knew we would be the ones sleeping on it. We took them to Laz-e-boy and they got to pick out anything they wanted - it just had to be a comfortable sleeper! LOL
    Debbie in Kentucky
    kydeb.wordpress.com

  19. #19
    Senior Member maryfrang's Avatar
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    I made one of my son's a quilt. He had a civil war home in Frederick MD at the time and it was made with civil war repro fabrics. They both loved it. My other son and daughter we gave them items the requested to start their first homes. Later I made them both quilts for their homes.

  20. #20
    Super Member Wanabee Quiltin's Avatar
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    I gave cash to each of my 4 children when they married. Not a great deal of money, but after attending showers and paying for incidentals, a small envelope of cash was given to them.

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    I love all of the ideas being shared. Yes, we will keep it all equitable with future children, my kids still make sure everything is fair! They live in 454 SF apt in NYC, so they don't have room for much more than what is in there. My MIL made quilts and they cherish her quilts. My future DIL is very picky about things and I don't think I"ll make them a quilt until I know for sure there is a place for it and that she really wants one. I'm a knitter too and offered to make her a shawl for the wedding and it was politely declined, which is FINE, but I know to always ask first!
    ​Julie S.

  22. #22
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    We paid for daughter's wedding in full. She inherited part of a set of very nice stainless flatware from grandparents. I bought the pieces that were lost/missing to give her a complete set and the bamboo drawer cutlery tray she wanted. She will also inherit the good silver, could have it anytime she wants it, but she's not interested in anything too precious right now.

  23. #23
    Power Poster Onebyone's Avatar
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    I think I would choose a gift that would please your son. Tools, yard equipment, camping gear, something geared to his likes. I had two DD get married and one Son in law's parents gave a nice first anniversary gift, but no wedding gift. DH and I gave each girl a check for the amount we would pay for a wedding and it was their choice to have a fancy wedding or the money for something else (I wasn't about to plan a wedding to please them, I'd be disgusted with their nonsense within a week.) Oldest chose the fancy wedding, the youngest chose a new car for her and a new truck for the groom and got married at city hall with a reception at home. LOL
    I believe giving what I can will never cause me to be in need.
    Being cheap is not a badge of honor.
    My heroes are working people, paying their own way, taking care of their children and being decent human beings.

  24. #24
    Super Member Roberta's Avatar
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    My son is getting married in Sept. They signed up at a site where they planned out their honeymoon to Iceland and people can donate various amounts to cover different parts of the trip from airfare to cocktails to hiking events. Sure does make trying to figure out what to get them so much easier since they have been together for 3 years and have the household items covered.

    The site is travelersjoy.com in case anytone wants to check it out.

  25. #25
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    I think it depends on how many children one has - and how much one can afford.

    Sometimes $100 from someone that only has $200 is "more valuable" than $1,000,000 from someone that is a billionaire.

    Attempting to keep things more or less "even" is what we tried for.

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