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Thread: he wanted a divorce - funny

  1. #1
    Moderator QuiltnNan's Avatar
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    On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

    On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

    On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle- light; she put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

    When she'd finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow center of the curtain rods.

    She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

    On the fourth day, the husband came back with his new girlfriend, and at first all was bliss. Then, slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place.

    Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

    Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!

    People stopped coming over to visit.

    Repairmen refused to work in the house.

    The maid quit.

    Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.

    Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

    Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

    Then the ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for having the house. Knowing she could have no idea how bad the smell really was, he agreed on a price that was only 1/10th of what the house had been worth ... but only if she would sign the papers that very day.

    She agreed, and within two hours his lawyers delivered the completed paperwork.

    A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home .... and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!


    I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

  2. #2
    Super Member QuiltingNinaSue's Avatar
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    Yes, I loved that story!!!

  3. #3
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    I have heard this one before. I just wish I had been smart enough to do this with mine :)

  4. #4
    Power Poster alikat110's Avatar
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    Perfect!!!!

  5. #5
    Senior Member Christine27's Avatar
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    I love it!

  6. #6
    Super Member just_the_scraps_m'am's Avatar
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    too funny!

  7. #7
    Super Member butterflies5518's Avatar
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    I loved this! thanks for the giggles.

  8. #8
    Junior Member Robinmg's Avatar
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    Funny!! I too love a happy ending.

  9. #9
    Super Member New Quilter's Avatar
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    Such a fantastic story...just proves the saying, "What goes around, comes around"...lol Naomi
    :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

  10. #10
    Super Member Judith1005's Avatar
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    i love it! how funny. KARMA. it costs nothing to be nice. lol still laughing. thank you. :-D

  11. #11
    Super Member dixiebelle162002's Avatar
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    Women are soooo smart!

  12. #12
    Super Member patski's Avatar
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    LOVE it

  13. #13
    Super Member cctx.'s Avatar
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    How Sad........lol......funny.....!

  14. #14
    Super Member KatFish's Avatar
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    IN the curtain rod. And to think I wasted my time sewing all those shrimp in the hems of all the curtains.

    I also feed him cat food, took all of the TV remote batteries, washed all of his socks and undies in Downy fabric softer that makes him break out in a rash, put cat crap under all the floor mats in his car, and rocks in the hubcaps.

    He moved his girlfriend in my house while I was giving birth to DD#2. War had been declaired as far as I was conserned.

  15. #15
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    Do NOT, under any circumstances, ever rub insulation on his towels, it will make him break out in some of the most horrible places on his body you can imagine.

    I read that in one of the Revenge books by Fern Michaels. Really has a lot of nasty ideas on how to get even with "him" and sometimes, to keep the playing field even, with a "her" too.

  16. #16
    Power Poster blueangel's Avatar
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    LOL

  17. #17
    Super Member icon17's Avatar
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    :lol: :lol: I love that they take the Rods :lol: :lol:

  18. #18
    Super Member bluteddi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CoyoteQuilts
    I have heard this one before. I just wish I had been smart enough to do this with mine :)
    LOL... I'm with u.. I had a mishap with a box of my kids joke itching powder and the vaccum cleaner while standing near the new kingsize mattress soon to be exhusband INSISTed he ( & his new GF) receive in the divorce..... I felt terrible!!! LOL......

    I made sure on my last day I applied a nice heavy dose of icey hot( did u know that dries clear and leaves no aroma??-- I did...) in the crotch of every pair of neatly folded underwear, pants, and armpits of every neatly hunt shirt in the closet....

    A GF went with me to the magazine stand and pulled subscribtion cards out and signed him up with " bill me later" to every gay magazine we could find....

    awwwww the good ole days... glad they are behind me...

  19. #19
    Magdalena's Avatar
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    Wow, some of you ladies are very clever. I hope to always be on your side and keep you close. :)

  20. #20
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    that was just too funny thanks

  21. #21
    a regular here countrycottage's Avatar
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    AMEN!!

    Quote Originally Posted by New Quilter
    Such a fantastic story...just proves the saying, "What goes around, comes around"...lol Naomi
    :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

  22. #22
    Super Member beatys9's Avatar
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    Thanks for the smiles :)

  23. #23

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    Wow! Some of you are so clever! HAHA!

  24. #24
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    That is to funny. Still laughing. Thanks for sharing.

  25. #25
    Moderator QuiltnNan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magdalena
    Wow, some of you ladies are very clever. I hope to always be on your side and keep you close. :)
    ditto

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