MariaM

It depends....
Daily family meals, I expect help. I always preferred my sons helping me instead of DH. They do what I ask them to do whereas DH likes to do what he 'thinks' I want him to do. I can't really blame him or give him a hard time about it because he was never taught to help in the kitchen growing up.
Larger get-togethers like Christmas and such, I like to get the meal almost completely ready on my own before guests arrive cleaning as I go. Although I have a large eat-in kitchen, once the left-overs are put away and I've loaded the dishwasher (yes, I'm particular about how to load it), everything else is left for when everyone has gone home. Then I can de-stress by taking my time to clean up the rest. Quite honestly, with DH drying and putting things away while I wash, we're done in less than half an hour.

quiltingshorttimer

I say bring on the help! I don't particularly enjoy cooking; my DH actually does most of the evening meals and I do clean up. with big family meals, I do seem to be the "in charge" person and don't hesitate to assign tasks--think we enjoy our event more when all involved. At Thanksgiving, my DS prepped turkey, g-kids set the table and put out crudites, etc. My DIL grew up in a household where the kids never got involved with anything surrounding big family meals or even just daily house stuff--it's taken her about 9 yrs of my son's tutelage to enable her to manage a household--I think it's almost criminal that her mom did nothing to teach her as she grew up.

luvstoquilt

My late husband would have framed that! He was a wonderful cook but he did not want our guests in his kitchen. We had many delightful dinner parties. Lots of work but so much fun.

Iraxy

Many years ago, I asked my DH and my daughters why they did not put dishes in the dishwasher and they said it was because I would only move them around afterwards so, what was the point. That started the conversation about why I did that. It turns out that dishwashers have personalities and they have certain ways they like to be loaded...so, I taught those girls and the man the idiosyncrasies of our particular machine. No more excuses, no more fidgeting with the dishes after they were put in there. Now, to get that DH to learn how it works. PS I have no sons or SIL.

zozee

I try to have all the real thinking and prep done before guests arrive. Once there’s chatter and extra people crowding around , I get “discombobulated,” as my mom used to say. i will let people cut up salad fixins, take drink orders, set things on the table, but my husband and I generally make a good kitchen team.

I appreciate help clearing the table after a meal and putting food away, but want to socialize, not do dishes while loved ones are present. For one thing, when i’m in their home and they Do dishes instead of sitting and talking, I get the feeling their tasks are more important. Hospitality is making people feel loved.

After a big meal at my children’s homes, i like to wash their dishes that are left after the dw is full. Knowing how much work it takes to prepare, I like to relieve the burden. I have one DIL with twin toddlers, another 7 months prego, and a daughter who nannies. They appreciate the clean-up help.

sailsablazin

My oldest son and I work together amazingly in the kitchen. It is like a dance....when I am reaching for something, he (6 ' 8") goes over my head and just keeps moving to get to whatever he needs and he seems to always know what I need.
However, put my husband in the kitchen, and he stand in front of every drawer and cupboard that I need to reach. (Sometimes I think that he does it on purpose so that he doesn't have to help.)

sailsablazin

Oh! I so agree with your statement. When DH tries to help I always have to say, "Just do what I ask. You do not have to invent a faster way or a different way to do it. Then come back and ask what else you can do." He is an engineer and always tries to do the task differently, does not know how to cook, and makes such a mess. I work better with my oldest son. Youngest son socializes a bunch and forgets what I ask him to do!!!

sewingsuz

I fell down in my kitchen and broke my shoulder because my Mother was there with her walker and I was trying to get around her and slipped on a plastic mat i had the cat food on. I have hated walkers ever since. People park them where ever they like and you cannot get around them. I was out of commission for 4 months.

origamigoldfish

We tend to go to celebrations instead of hosting them...there are some pretty severe pet allergies among the extended family and we have a couple of cats and a dog in the house. If we host, it's usually the picnic holidays where we can set out picnic tables and fire up the grill and the kitchen is mostly just a source of condiments and a place to stack dirty utensils until later.

When I was growing up I was part of the 'dish crew.' Grandpa was a chef and all of his kids worked for him at some point, and family gatherings could have easily been a matter of too many cooks in the kitchen, except that Grandma's kitchen was so small nobody fit into it but her once she started cooking! She and granddad always provided the main dish, drinks, and the gathering place. The rest of us brought everything else, usually ready to pop into the oven for the final reheating.

The women in the family would raid cabinets to set the table, the little kids would manage the silverware and drinks, the guys would set up the extra tables and chairs plus handle all of the serving and carving. After meals dishes would get stacked in the kitchen, the game would be turned on, and the family would settle down to socialize. There were three of us older granddaughters, skinnier back then and usually more than a little bored, and we could all fit into the kitchen as long as we were careful. Dishes were our way of getting to spend time together without the uncles or our mothers monitoring every word, and we would always spend a cheerful hour chattering with each other over the sink and dishwasher. By the time we were done Gran's kitchen was usually as close to normal as we could make it and we thought ourselves clever for escaping all the teasing.

My grandparents are long gone, the house has been sold, and my fellow grandchildren are spread across the state, but I still have fond memories of being back in that kitchen, scrubbing away at a small mountain of dishes with my cousins.