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Thread: Men

  1. #1
    Super Member leatheflea's Avatar
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    My dh and I worked together for 5 years at the same company. i recently was let go, he still works there. they are having a pitchin at work. He had his friends wife make him things to take to work. I'm so hurt. He could have at least hid it from me.

  2. #2
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    Well, if he didn't hide it from you then it obviously didn't mean that much to him. You know men, mostly straight to the point.
    Ask what YOU can do for him, might get a good suggestion.
    Take him his lunch if he doesn't work that far away.

  3. #3
    Power Poster Prism99's Avatar
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    A pitchin? You mean, where everyone brings food to share?

  4. #4
    Super Member featherweight's Avatar
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    I guess I am dumb. I have no idea what a pitchin is...

  5. #5
    Super Member leatheflea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ramona Byrd
    Well, if he didn't hide it from you then it obviously didn't mean that much to him. You know men, mostly straight to the point.
    Ask what YOU can do for him, might get a good suggestion.
    Take him his lunch if he doesn't work that far away.
    I wouldnt fix him a sandwich right now.

  6. #6
    leonajo's Avatar
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    yes? what is a pitchin?

  7. #7
    Super Member gale's Avatar
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    It's like a potluck I think. Where everyone brings a covered dish? Maybe he didn't want you to go to the trouble of making something when you wouldn't be partaking?

  8. #8
    BMP
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    Quote Originally Posted by leonajo
    yes? what is a pitchin?
    Ditto ..

  9. #9
    Super Member leatheflea's Avatar
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    All I have is time on my hands right now, I dont understand why he's having someone else fix him something to take to work. They all know me, I've cooked for them before, had requests for certain dishes. I'm a good cook, more than a good cook, I've been told I should open a resturaunt. Maybe I'm just being overly sensitive. I want so bad to go out and spit in her platter, to take his christmas present back and give him a lump of poo. I just mailed a package of goodies to one of his buddies in PA, I hope he dont gag on what I've made. One of his buddies thats down the road asked if he could be on my dessert of the month club list. He loves my cooking. I just dont understand.

  10. #10
    Super Member leatheflea's Avatar
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    Pitch in---everyone brings one food dish and then every shares and eats.

  11. #11
    leonajo's Avatar
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    Lea, He did not want to hurt ur feelings, asking u to fix food at ur old job. He may have made a bad decision, but don't be to mad....sometimes men have trouble figuring us out. ps don't know about ur food, but u sure do fine with ur quilting :) Beautiful job with the pink and white.

  12. #12
    Power Poster Prism99's Avatar
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    Maybe he thought it would be rubbing salt in the wound to ask you to make food for your ex-coworkers? I honestly don't understand why you are so upset. To me this sounds like a huge case of misunderstanding. Can't you just flat out ask him why he had someone else make the food for him?

  13. #13
    Super Member leatheflea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by leonajo
    Lea, He did not want to hurt ur feelings, asking u to fix food at ur old job. He may have made a bad decision, but don't be to mad....sometimes men have trouble figuring us out. ps don't know about ur food, but u sure do fine with ur quilting :) Beautiful job with the pink and white.
    Thank you

  14. #14
    Super Member leatheflea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Prism99
    Maybe he thought it would be rubbing salt in the wound to ask you to make food for your ex-coworkers? I honestly don't understand why you are so upset. To me this sounds like a huge case of misunderstanding. Can't you just flat out ask him why he had someone else make the food for him?
    I guess Im so upset because I didnt even know there was a pitch in and she did. Maybe I can get her to come and fix our christmas dinner for us too.

  15. #15
    Super Member Ditter43's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Prism99
    Maybe he thought it would be rubbing salt in the wound to ask you to make food for your ex-coworkers? I honestly don't understand why you are so upset. To me this sounds like a huge case of misunderstanding. Can't you just flat out ask him why he had someone else make the food for him?
    This is what I was thinking too! Don't let it bug you, say something to him! ;-)

  16. #16
    Super Member featherweight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by leatheflea
    Quote Originally Posted by Prism99
    Maybe he thought it would be rubbing salt in the wound to ask you to make food for your ex-coworkers? I honestly don't understand why you are so upset. To me this sounds like a huge case of misunderstanding. Can't you just flat out ask him why he had someone else make the food for him?
    I guess Im so upset because I didnt even know there was a pitch in and she did. Maybe I can get her to come and fix our christmas dinner for us too.
    OMG, That is soooo funny!!! You go girl. Give him HELL!!!

  17. #17
    Senior Member theoldgraymare's Avatar
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    Don't let it keep eating at you. That will just make it worse. Ask him.

  18. #18
    Super Member leatheflea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by theoldgraymare
    Don't let it keep eating at you. That will just make it worse. Ask him.
    you see it just doesnt matter, no excuse is gonna change it, its just an excuse. I'll get over it, we always do. Live and learn. LOL .....eating at me! His buddy that I cook for is a cabinet maker and has offered to make my stash cabinets, this upset dh just at the thought. Maybe I should hire him he said he would do it for a case of beer and the cost of the wood.

  19. #19
    Power Poster sueisallaboutquilts's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Prism99
    Maybe he thought it would be rubbing salt in the wound to ask you to make food for your ex-coworkers? I honestly don't understand why you are so upset. To me this sounds like a huge case of misunderstanding. Can't you just flat out ask him why he had someone else make the food for him?
    I was thinking the same thing.

  20. #20
    Super Member JanetM's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by leatheflea
    My dh and I worked together for 5 years at the same company. i recently was let go, he still works there. they are having a pitchin at work. He had his friends wife make him things to take to work. I'm so hurt. He could have at least hid it from me.
    Could it be that, because you were recently laid-off, that he thought it would be insensitive to have you cook for a party you can't be a part of?
    Tell him, you know about the "pitch in" and ask him why he didn't ask you to make something for him to bring. I wouldn't be surprised if he tells you that he was trying to protect your feelings.

  21. #21
    The Creative Seamstress's Avatar
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    I've got to be honest with you here and say that I can understand both sides of the picture here.

    However, I feel there is a bigger issue that shouldn't be overlooked, which is what this issue should really be about to begin with (on both your sides).

    I think the most important thing here is that you both remember how crucial and critical communication is - not only in general but particularly in marriage. Also - that it is a two way street and that both sides have to give to get it in return.

    Regardless of why he kept it from you and why you know you'll get over it (without saying anything) - bottomline is that regardless of your workplace situation, he should have told you. Notwithstanding that fact, you also should also have no qualms and feel completely comfortable with asking him directly (a more than reasonable question) as to why he didn't tell you and why someone else's Wife made his contribution. (On a side note, I personally don't find that to be acceptable for the record). However, if you withhold how you feel and your thoughts on it from him, and furthermore don't get an answer as to why directly from him... than it does make you just as culpable for perpetuating the lack of communication between the both of you just as much as he is actively doing to you himself right now by not willingly addressing it.

    Two individuals who are partners should be able to tell each other the good and the bad (essentially everything) no matter what. I know and realize that it's not always easy or that clear cut in many relationships, but if there's anyone on this entire Earth that two individuals should not only trust but confide in - it is their spouse (with each other).

    So long as you stay silent, and suffer over it quietly, you are being both unfair to yourself and unfair to him. If he somehow has forgotten what both communication and honesty is between the two of you, than before being legitimately mad at him, you need to remind him what that is and how it feels (i.e. by calmly sitting him down and asking him why he did what he did and also telling him how it made you feel). But, we must remember to be calm and unabrasive when we do it, otherwise inevitably he will feel you are searching for a fight. It may be hard to believe, but men can be reasonable and since they are "fixers" by nature... if you tell him there's a problem, he will usually be willing to "fix" it, but by themselves they will never be cognizant of it - it has to be brought to their attention. If you really love someone, you don't want to hurt them, and in the particular case of men, they often lack the foresight and ability to analyze the big picture as to exactly how their action (or inaction) will affect their partner. However, most reasonable men (if the issue is addressed and brought to their attention) will do their best to resolve it and/or learn from the experience to never repeat that same mistake. In the end, in doing this - not only will you get the "why" of his actions, but your actions also (if done correctly) can bring you both closer together. You also will be able to unburden yourself. Regardless of what he may tell you, the real truth is better than whatever could be going through your mind right now, and closure is required so it won't fester. Most importantly, it should help avoid it from ever happening again between you in the future. If two spouses don't have honesty, communication and friendship as a foundation - than really what exactly comprises the fibers of the fabric that weaves the time spent together "till death do us part"?

    And as a side comment so as to satisfy our gremlin moments as women when our man really ticks us off... just because I like to be funny (although this is more sarcastic)... you could always cook something really good to send over to that friend's Wife as a "thank you" for doing you a favor, since you were too busy to do it yourself... ;) LOL.

    Oh please, please do cheer up! I'm sending you hugs and well wishes for the holidays!

  22. #22
    Super Member Maride's Avatar
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    Your husband is in a very difficult situation. I can tell you, because I was in his shoes. Exact same situation. Jorge was laid off after 8 years working for a company. They relocated us, found us a house, gave us a mortgage, even sent movers. we didn't have to touch a thing. His job came with a job for me too. That is how much they wanted him. Eight years later he was gone and I got to keep my job. I stopped attending company functions because I could not ask him to come with me and face the very same people that laid him off, and I could not go by myself and leave him home when a few years back he was an active participant. I suggest that if it bothers you so much, talk to him. He probably didn't want to make you feel bad. Is very important that you two discuss how this kind of situations will be approached to prevent misunderstandings and heart feelings.

    Our situation went on to get worse when the company was sold and I ended up loosing my job too. He still felt rejected, because everyone else was laid off after the closing announcement but he was gone before.

    Please talk to your husband and be on the same boat. Even if you find another job your feelings about this place may not change. even if the decision was not personal but business, is hard to see it that way when you don't have a job. I hope things go on better for the both of you.

    Maria

  23. #23
    Super Member trisha's Avatar
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    I totally agree with the last two relplies!!! Don't "suffer in silence"...won't do either of you any good,,,especially this close to Christmas. You say it doesn't matter and you will get over it, but obviously it does bother you, because your anger is coming out in your posts. You need to clear the air dear, or your resentment is just going to get bigger and bigger. You need to find out what his reasoning was on this and the answer may be a very simple one. Good luck, hope you work it out, and if you really feel the need to punch something, punch a big bag of batting so you don't hurt your quilting hand!! LOL

  24. #24
    Senior Member Born2Sew's Avatar
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    I feel bad for both of you. I'm sure he hated to ask you to prepare something for him to take, knowing you wouldn't be present. At the same time, he shouldn't have asked another person to make something for him either. Now that would send me over the moon. It's a bad situation for both of you. He needs to understand that he made it all worse for you, by his handling it the way he did. Unfortunately, I don't think this is a win win situation.

    I'm sure he really had no intentions of hurting you although he did.

  25. #25
    wanna be quilter's Avatar
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    I am sorry you are hurt by your husbands actions, I think I would be mad too if my husband did this, he went behind your back and asked another woman to do what was your right to do, so I am not surprised you are very hurt, as husband and wife, and the deep love we have for one and other, we expect to be the first one to be told of anything the other is doing or involved in.
    If it were me I would get it of my chest by asking him why he asked his friends wife to do the dish. It may cause a row, but at least you will feel better when you have have an answer for his actions. Don't let this spoil you Christmas by letting it fester.
    Forgivness is in all our hearts, you will feel much better when you get it sorted.

    God Bless, Happy Christmas !!

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