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Thread: The mooching person who wants to quilt

  1. #1
    joan_quilts's Avatar
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    Ok, I will try to explain the best that I can what I mean by the mooching person.

    My son is married to a wonderful girl. Her mom is 55, 10 years older than me, and grew up poor in a large family. Her dad died when she was little, so the older kids helped out with the younger kids.

    We live in a very rural area and everyone is somehow related to each other, etc. I am NOT from here so I have had to adapt to the way people are here. Still haven't but I have tried! LOL

    Anyways, Evelyn, the mooch, is always telling me how priveledged I am, and how many wonderful things I have, and I must be "rich" and I have no clue what it is like to be poor.

    Ok, dh and I have worked hard for what we have! NOBODY gave us anything! We do have a nice home, nothing fancy, but nice and we own 2 descent vehichles. That does not make me rich or not understand about money! I have been poor, a few times, and therefore by the grace of God, things got better.

    Anyways, she came over to make a baby quilt for her grandson. Ok, I can be kind and share what I have since she is sooooo poor. This woman saves used wrapping paper and eats mayonaise that expired a year ago! She is not poor now, but she thinks she is.

    Well, she goes through my stash the other day, which ticked me off because she acts like it is hers. Then she says that I won't be needing all my fabric since dh and I are planning on moving to Florida next year. She could just use my stuff and help me out! HUH?!

    I can get along with this woman for the sake of keeping peace in the family but she drives me nuts! She and her husband are a bit odd, but I try so hard to keep my mouth shut because I don't want my dil to feel bad. She knows how her mom is and always appologizes for her. I told her not to worry.

    I am not going to just let her come to my home and help herself to what is mine. Being tactful doesn't work with this woman and I am going to have to be firm. Maybe I will put out a donation jar! LOL I tried explaining to her some of my fabric was expensive and I am saving it for my own use. She just stares at me like "so"?

    Any ideas?

  2. #2
    Super Member Murphy's Avatar
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    No excuse for bad manners. Make it clear what she can choose from and what she can't. You do not need to apologize for working hard and you don't need to accept her comments that you are "rich" and wouldn't understand. She is just trying to guilt you into perpetuating her bad behavior; don't bite :wink:

  3. #3
    Super Member seamstome's Avatar
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    Wow, every family has one of these people dont they? On my side it was my Aunt Catherine. On my hubby's, it is his mother.

    No is all that works. Then they whine and whine until the next sucker comes along. Say no thank you and stand firm. DIL knows.

  4. #4
    Power Poster Lacelady's Avatar
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    Since diplomacy doesn't seem to be working, do you have a place where you could put a lot of your stash (stuff that you absolutely want to keep for yourself and not have to fight for it). Leave what you are prepared to share where it has always been.

    If she comments that suddenly you don't have so much, you don't have to reply to that, just change the subject.

  5. #5
    Super Member Rebecca VLQ's Avatar
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    Welllllll....

    I'm not sure why she can just rifle through your stuff. That would bother me. So, yes. Stand up for yourself.

    Can you head her off at the pass? Like, where's your stash located? Is it in a "common area" of the house? Is your sewing room an actual ROOM that can be closed off?

    In the future, if she announces she's going to shop your stash, engage her by asking what she's going to make. Ask if she's started choosing her fabrics yet. Somehow, turn the conversation to HER going shopping at a REAL store so she can select what she wants, and if she gets stuck or needs something to give it va-va-voom, bring what she's chosen over and you'll help her find something to complement what she's already PURCHASED.

    If she's a little off, she may get bent outta shape anyway. And since DIL knows what kind of person SHE is and what kind of person YOU are, you're in the clear.

    It's not really a matter of if you paid $1 a yard or $10...YOU selected YOUR fabric for YOUR stash. If she wants to start quilting, GREAT. But it's a very personal thing to select things for yourself, and she should take care in shopping, and not just TAKING from you. It's good to share and cooperate, it's not good to take advantage. She may not know that's what she's doing, but she sure sounds like she feels entitled.

  6. #6
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    I'd probably tell her I am rich because I am greedy and won't share! Like a little kid, 'IT'S MINE!'

  7. #7
    Super Member Rebecca VLQ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CoyoteQuilts
    I'd probably tell her I am rich because I am greedy and won't share! Like a little kid, 'IT'S MINE!'
    :lol:

    This made me laugh.

  8. #8
    Power Poster Sadiemae's Avatar
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    No Way! The only person that would be in my house going through my stuff without permission is my sister and that is because I have told her many times if she needs something to just come and get it. I don't really have anything worth much except sewing machines, but it is still mine. I would share with people who need it, but it sounds like she is just a pain in the neck and likes to make you feel guilty.

  9. #9
    Super Member suebee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Murphy
    No excuse for bad manners. Make it clear what she can choose from and what she can't. You do not need to apologize for working hard and you don't need to accept her comments that you are "rich" and wouldn't understand. She is just trying to guilt you into perpetuating her bad behavior; don't bite :wink:
    Ditto!!!! I dont know why some people feel the need to say stupid things like that. MOST people do work hard for their money. She definitely has issues, you will need to be firm.

  10. #10
    Lisa T's Avatar
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    Ugh- when someone is like that I think you can be firm and almost "rude" back. They don't understand anything else. I have most of my fabric sorted into two shelf units. I tell my friends that they can "borrow" from the one closet but the other is stuff I have plans in mind for and they can't have that stuff. I put all the stuff that I don't LOVE in the one closet- mostly stuff I got thrifting or on sale or whatever. Some of it was pricey but I don't care for the color or design anymore.

    That works with my friends/family, though, because they share back with me. I would be frustrated in your shoes too. Some people just don't get it. :0(

    I am glad that your DIL is very nice, though. That is the important part. :0)

  11. #11
    Super Member mrspete's Avatar
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    Good one Coyote, but I always use the first word my mom ever taught me..... and it ain't dada.

  12. #12
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    Yes, we all have been there at one time. I had a very good friend that saw my fabric collection and announced to her family that whenever anyone needs anything that they should go to my house and get it. My comment to that was that everything was off limits to all adults. Only children were welcome to come and play with my fabric and notions.
    Good luck!

  13. #13
    Super Member oatw13's Avatar
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    We have one of those people, too.

    Aside from being firm and blunt (this person thinks "rude"), the one thing that worked for me was to tell them I would gladly sell them whatever it is they wanted. So, next time she wants your fabric, offer to sell it to her at a reasonable price. I guarantee you, she won't want it anymore. If you do this several times, she will quit asking and look elsewhere for her "free ride."

    Don't let her get you down. Most people aren't like that.

  14. #14
    Super Member clem55's Avatar
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    Been there!! Hubby's family. It would almost make me sick the way they took advantage of him" because he had such a good job" , and "Carol doesn't have to work, or Carol has so much ' Well, Carol did without a lot of things, and Carol was pretty good at making something nice from something old. I still find it very hard to say no to anyone, probably always will , and probably will always be taken advantaqge of, but, I'd rather be the way I am, than be the taker!

  15. #15
    Super Member amandasgramma's Avatar
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    Okay -- go to a thrift store and pick up some fabrics or to a cheap store and buy about $20.00 worth of fabric. Set it to one side when she comes.....tell her she can pick out anything she wants from that, but the other fabrics are NOT to be touched....that it's for certain quilts and if she takes anything you'll be short. If she stares, stare back....don't let her take advantage of you!

  16. #16
    joan_quilts's Avatar
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    This woman wanted a quilt I made last year. I told her $50 for it and she agreed. She got here, told me I needed to wait for her disability check to come in within a day or say and she would pay. STUPID on my part!

    She paid me alright, with 10 pounds of pork sausage from a hog they butchered! She figured that was a good trade! I really do know better than to deal with this woman, but, I am trying so hard to keep the peace!

    This woman mooches from everyone. She hates paying full price for anything. When her daughter and my son got married, she thought I should pay for the wedding gown! The gown cost $300 brand new, and this woman wanted to go to Goodwill and by a used one for $20! See what I am dealing with?!

  17. #17
    Junior Member BATIKQLTR's Avatar
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    I think you should continue to be gracious for the sake of your Son and DIL. If you are moving in a year anyway, you will feel better knowing you were kind with someone that is a little off. As infuriating as it is, she is like unruley children being brought into your home, just put some things away while she is "visiting". She is obviously mentally challenged and your DIL will always remember how kind you were to her Mother.

    However, that being said, I think maybe packing away your fabrics that you would like to keep is a good idea. If she asks what happened, just say you have started packing some things for the move. When she starts acting "funny" just change the subject and move her to another room.

    My MIL always said "There but for the grace of God go I" when she encounterd someone with "problems" of any kind. She was a nurse, so she met up with a lot of them.

  18. #18
    Senior Member sewgray's Avatar
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    Just tell her no, you're keeping it. No explanations neccesary

  19. #19
    melslove's Avatar
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    I would taking her to pick out her own fabric, no touchy my stashy!

  20. #20
    Power Poster Sadiemae's Avatar
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    Does your room have a lock???

  21. #21
    Super Member marymm's Avatar
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    I'd say lock the door where you store your fabric and suggest a game of cards. ( I'd also quit inviting her to my house.) Life is too short to spend with boorish people.

  22. #22
    Senior Member Born2Sew's Avatar
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    Perhaps you should tell her that since the price of cotton has gone up, then you will have to charge her a certain amount for the fabric she gets. After all, you will have to replace what she takes and you don't have the luxury of going shopping from someone else's stash. I'm sorry but that kind of thing would get old in a big hurry. It is not your responsibility to provide her with fabric for free on an ongoing basis.

    For every piece she tries to take, I think I would say, no, you can't have that piece because I have a plan for that particular fabric. Do this on every piece she selects. Eventually, she'll finally realize she isn't getting any...and stick to your guns..

  23. #23
    Super Member Annaquilts's Avatar
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    I would just keep her out of my home. Just because she is DIL mother do you need to have her over? I don't think she will change. I have family like that and have reduced contact because of behavior like that, taking stuff that is not theirs. Even my little kids would question me why aunt was taking baby brother's clothes for her own baby and why I would let them. so I think for me it was/is partially me too because I want to avoid conflict.

  24. #24
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    Use Caller Id and lock the door.

  25. #25
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    I am very territorial about my fabric. So be firm, I understand keeping the peace but the people I call "woo is me" personalities are hard to deal with. I wouldn't give her another piece. I do understand the trading with friends and things....give and take. But she is only taking. No way, you need to shut her down. Fabric is expensive and to make a quilt can cost a fortune. I don't care if I am dirt poor or filthy rich I would never expect someone to just let me take what I want.
    My husbands family seems to think we just have loads of extra money because I don't have to work. Thing is my husband works very hard for our money and I do lots of side jobs to buy the things we want.
    Hang in there and stay firm. She isn't your friend or your family technically so don't worry be firm yet polite.

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