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Thread: My empty nest is Blue

  1. #1
    Super Member kwhite's Avatar
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    I am feeling really down today. My only child, my daughter has kind of moved out as of last week. She is truly my best friend and I miss her so much. When we talk she is kinda distant and wrapped up in her own life. I know intellectually that this is how it should be but it is still hard. She will be leaving for camp in a couple of weeks and I will not be able to talk to her much at all over the summer. Someone please tell me she will get back to being my best friend again soon. I am fine with her having her own life but can't she have her own life and be my best friend too? She is on a first date tonight with a new guy that I really like. I hope it is all going well.

  2. #2
    Power Poster Ninnie's Avatar
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    Don't know how old your daughter is, but it is natural for them to move away from us. Hang in there, by the time she is 30 you will be the smartest person she knows! :D :D




    Ninnie

  3. #3
    Super Member quiltnut4ever's Avatar
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    No matter how old they are they do think of us. I've been divorced since the beginning of this year and my dd has a boyfriend as well. I know that they have lives and I need to get on with myself but we keep contact by phoning, texting, chatting or emailing. It does feel empty for me without my two children who are grown adults but I know they love me. {{{HUGS}}}

  4. #4
    Junior Member sandiphi's Avatar
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    I know how you feel, my daughter (only child) moved out about 6 years ago when she was 18 to live with her boyfriend, now husband. That was the hardest thing for me to accept. The empty nest syndrome does eventually go away, but your best friend will always be there. She will always need you as a mother and as a friend. When my daughter got married 3 years ago, I was her Matron of Honor and that made me feel real special. She now has a daughter herself, and we are really close. I watch my granddaughter alot and my daughter really likes that I am there to help.

    Trust me it will get better. It will take some time to get used to it, but, it does get better. It is hard to let go, but you have to for her sake as well as your own, but remember they always come back.

  5. #5
    Power Poster amma's Avatar
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    When the kids move out, their lives are pretty full and busy. They do think of us, but it is normal for us to miss them more than they miss us :wink: Soon, that newness wears off and then they call/keep in touch more often...all on their own :D :D I kept calling at regular intervals, invite them over for meals, sent goodies home with them, and in no time they were dropping in unannounced for meals, use of laundry facilities, and some of mom's love and attention :lol: :lol: :roll: :roll: :lol: :lol:

  6. #6
    Super Member lfw045's Avatar
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    Sooooooooooooo.....what pattern have you picked out for your next quilt or project? I know everyone is different but when I feel down nothing picks me up like going to my favorite LQS and fondling the new fabric! Sometimes I buy and sometimes I just look but I feel inspired either way.

    I don't mean to sound rash but she will be calling you before you know it......just give her time.....and space.......she will be back.

  7. #7
    Super Member Maride's Avatar
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    My only daughter (I also have two boys) just graduated college last week and came back home for one month. She starts grad school in september, but will set up an aprtment in NYC with her boyfriend and try to get a summer job. I am going to miss her a lot but know that is the best thing for her. He are having a great time going around the house selecting things I can do without and she will need.
    (I will be moving soon myself and am very happy that she is taking a lot of things I have so I don't have to move it)

    I keep telling mself that she is happy and that's all that matter. I will never expect her to stay in this town with nothing for her when she can go to the big city and live it before she settles for a family. I left my mother and now she is my best friend. I am sure my daughter will be my best friend always too.

    Maria

  8. #8
    Super Member SaraSewing's Avatar
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    All of our kids are moved out, but they call and email and come visit. Even though they are far away, there is always a special place for "home" and "mom". The VERY coolest thing is that they were born and raised in WY. Then when I remarried 5 years ago and moved to Utah, they say they are coming "home". Home is where love is, and each other, and mom. When the youngest one leaves it's always the hardest.

  9. #9
    Moderator littlehud's Avatar
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    My heart goes out to you. When my youngest daughter went to collage I cried so much. I had prepared her to fly, but hadn't prepared myself. She is still my best friend, but it is somewhat different. I have gotten used to the change and all is well now.

  10. #10
    Moderator tlrnhi's Avatar
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    It does get better, honest!
    Just gotta let them spread their wings for a bit, but she'll soon be back to being your best friend!

  11. #11
    Power Poster Rhonda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kwhite
    I am feeling really down today. My only child, my daughter has kind of moved out as of last week. She is truly my best friend and I miss her so much. When we talk she is kinda distant and wrapped up in her own life. I know intellectually that this is how it should be but it is still hard. She will be leaving for camp in a couple of weeks and I will not be able to talk to her much at all over the summer. Someone please tell me she will get back to being my best friend again soon. I am fine with her having her own life but can't she have her own life and be my best friend too? She is on a first date tonight with a new guy that I really like. I hope it is all going well.
    Give it some time it will be better as you both discover a new way to communicate.
    My dad and I were on the same wavelength. We were closer than any other dad and daughter I know. I created that same relationship with my daughter. She and I are part friends part sisters part MOM and daughter. We are even closer now than ever and she has been married for 12 years with 3 special needs kids and a lots of responsibilities but we talk on the phone nearly every day.
    When she got married and she and her husband moved 2 hours away so he could go to Chiroprctor school. They were up there for 3 years. She and I both had a hard time with it but we talked on the phone a lot.

    It will get better! She is learning to be an adult and she has to find her own way. But you are still in her heart and when she wants to make your favorite dish she will call home and ask advise!!

    And btw after they have been out of the house a couple of years or so you might find she'll tell you some of the things you didn't know she did when she lived at home! My sons and my daughter have since admitted to things I didn't know they did! Looking back on it it is funny now!!

    Like finding out it was my son who kept letting the sheep out so he could watch us all hussle to round them up again!

  12. #12
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    I guess its different with boys. I love my son deeply but can't be best friends with him. It hurts, but I'm thankful he's still around and close to me (a boy kind of close) I know this probably doesn't make sense. :oops: It'll work out hun. You'll see. Her "new" life is just that. NEW. Once the newness wears off she'll be back. You'll see

  13. #13
    Super Member Joan's Avatar
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    That's why I have two Labrador Retrievers! LOL :lol:

    Seriously, she will be your friend again. Just give her time. Recognize that's it's hard for her to make this break too. But, it's part of life and all the little birdies fly away from the nest when they're ready.

    It's a good time to develop new interests, make or spend time with friends.

    (I've been there, too. When my oldest daughter went away to college for the first time, I was soooo excited. The summer before we shopped for just the right linens and clothes for her new life. The excitement continued on "move in" day at her school. Everything was great until we left and I realized for the first time I was no longer part of her life. I'll never forget pulling out of the parking lot and seeing her face in a second story window. At that moment, I figured it all out and cried all the way home---4 hours. Thankfully, the sadness passed and now many years later (she is married with a baby), we are still good friends.)

  14. #14
    Power Poster Rhonda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bevanger
    I guess its different with boys. I love my son deeply but can't be best friends with him. It hurts, but I'm thankful he's still around and close to me (a boy kind of close) I know this probably doesn't make sense. :oops: It'll work out hun. You'll see. Her "new" life is just that. NEW. Once the newness wears off she'll be back. You'll see
    Bev I know exactly what you mean! My daughter is my oldest and has been my right hand. She was 1 year old and 3 weeks when my son Nathan was born Then Glen is 18 months younger than Nathan.

    Sara has always been my best friend probably because I depended on her so much but she is a natural mother and organizer.
    But both boys .......
    They are 31 and 32 (BOYS)

    My youngest Glen has told me if he didn't see anyone in the family for 3 months at a time he was a happy camper. He is a loner but married with twin sons. Doing fine but he and i have never been close no matter how hard I try. I have had to learn to give him his space. If it wasn't for Angie his wife I would probably never see him! I know he loves us but he gets the loner thing from me so I do understand it but it is still hard.

    My son Nathan is out of state alot as he runs his own electric business and they do a lot in the neighboring states. Walmarts and hotels. So he is on the road a lot. He calls and talks once or twice a month and he talks for a long time when he calls but I only see him if he comes to take his dad hunting(twice a year) or if he comes to pick up his son.

    Nathan and Jill did come by on Mother's Day but my mom and I went out to eat because I didn't expect anyone!! I missed them.

    So I perfectly understand guys are differant!! I love them dearly but I am grateful for my daughter she is my best friend and confidant and I am hers. (her stress reliever when she wants to send the kids packing!!)

  15. #15
    Power Poster Rhonda's Avatar
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  16. #16
    Super Member kwhite's Avatar
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    Thanks yall. This helps a lot.

    Joan I didn't see you in the car on the ride home from college!!!!!! I guess it was all the tears that kept me from seeing you there in the car with me. Sorry if I ignored you.

  17. #17
    Super Member Ducky's Avatar
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    You know, it's kinda my theory that if you have a good, loving relationship with your kids, you'll always have it. My daughter, 31 years old, and I still laugh, talk and "solve all the world's problems". Kwhite, my heart hurts for you, because I know that feeling of having a daughter finding a new and different path in life....and I had to keep busy to get through it. In fact, I had to do it with both boys, too. But that relationship you have with your daughter will not diminish -- it'll get stronger.

  18. #18
    Super Member Joan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kwhite
    Thanks yall. This helps a lot.

    Joan I didn't see you in the car on the ride home from college!!!!!! I guess it was all the tears that kept me from seeing you there in the car with me. Sorry if I ignored you.
    Yes, it was a sad time for quite awhile. I joked with friends that we needed to form a support group for parents whoose children leave home to go to college or whatever. It wouldn't surprise you that many moms agreed with me.

    But, the important thing to remember is that it does pass. All three of my children are grown now and I am enjoying observing them as adults. Listening to them and hearing about their adult lives has been very satisfying. I've enjoyed hearing what they like to do now, what their dreams are for the future. In addition of a son-in-law and daughter-in-law have just become more family to enjoy!

  19. #19
    Super Member Shemjo's Avatar
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    If you truly love someone, you will set them free! She will come back and be your best friend if you give her some space for her to realize that she wants you in her life. :?
    I am a daughter, no kids of my own and my mom passed lots of years ago, but she is still there for me!

  20. #20
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    I am having a sad day today. Didn't think it would bother me as my youngest son has been residing with a worker since December. But this morning they came to move all his furniture and stuff to his own apartment in the assisted living facility.

    Although he didn't live here, his things were still here and I still had that connection so to speak. I think the finality hit home today that he truly is an adult and has his own home now. I've been his primary caregiver all his life, but I know this is the best thing for him. He needs his independence, even with having a worker to assist him.

    I feel redundant, like I've been replaced and it kind of hurts a little.... letting go isn't easy.

  21. #21
    community benefactor Knot Sew's Avatar
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    I have always been close to my son. We are so much alike and I was 18 when he was born. He comes a lot and fixes thing, mows or we set and talk about everthing under the son. I have two daughters and unless they are in need of a friend they are very independent. :wink:

  22. #22
    Super Member Ducky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Dancer
    I feel redundant, like I've been replaced and it kind of hurts a little.... letting go isn't easy.
    Shadow, you made me remember something. When my youngest moved out, I cried for days. He was the last one to leave. I finally was able to pinpoint my sadness while talking to a friend, and that pinpoint was that it hurt so badly not to be needed anymore. Yes, I know that mothers are always needed, but not like it was while they were growing up, or during their hard times. It took me quite some time to work through that one. I have always loved being a mother, but no one ever told me it would be so heart-wrenching.

  23. #23
    Super Member kwhite's Avatar
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    I hear you Ducky. It is very hard. What makes it worse for me is that she has left and come home many times between college and camp. Every time she leaves it is like the first time all over. You would think it would get easier at some point.

  24. #24

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    Quote Originally Posted by kwhite
    I am feeling really down today. My only child, my daughter has kind of moved out as of last week. She is truly my best friend and I miss her so much. When we talk she is kinda distant and wrapped up in her own life. I know intellectually that this is how it should be but it is still hard. She will be leaving for camp in a couple of weeks and I will not be able to talk to her much at all over the summer. Someone please tell me she will get back to being my best friend again soon. I am fine with her having her own life but can't she have her own life and be my best friend too? She is on a first date tonight with a new guy that I really like. I hope it is all going well.
    K, you will survive this:)And now is the time to do some things you always felt guilty doing because the kid was home (all mom guilt!)Join in some quilting circles, go to a retreat....time to find the who you are while she is too:)You aren't losing your kid, but, gaining a different chapter and level of your relationship. You have done something great over there for her to feel confident to do her own things on her own...job well done mom! My mom and i are close and she is in her mid 70's...and, I hope I can keep mine for at least another 30! Independent is a hard thing to teach and you did a good job:)Now....allow yourself fun in life too! Reach out...search for those guilds, etc....you have so much to share w/the world too now:)Skeat

  25. #25
    Super Member kwhite's Avatar
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    OK yall didn't tell me that when they come home again they come back with an ATTITUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lord how long does that last!?!?!?!

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