Go Back  Quiltingboard Forums > General Chit-Chat (non-quilting talk)
One Liners and Shorts...funny! >

One Liners and Shorts...funny!

One Liners and Shorts...funny!

Old 12-18-2010, 09:49 AM
  #1  
Super Member
Thread Starter
 
Ditter43's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Crystal River Florida
Posts: 9,785
Default

1 . Two blondes walk into a building......you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

2. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'

3. I went to buy some camouflage pants the other day but I couldn't find any.

4. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said,
'No, the steaks are too high.'

5. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

6 . A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'
The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'.

7. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.

8. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

91. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'

10. 'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. '
'Is it common?'
'It's not unusual.'

11. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'
'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?'
'No, because he's really heavy'
Ditter43 is offline  
Old 12-18-2010, 10:00 AM
  #2  
Super Member
 
C.Cal Quilt Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Central Ca
Posts: 2,598
Default

Oh you..... yes, I had to read some of those twice ;)
Thanks for the Laughs !! :)
C.Cal Quilt Girl is offline  
Old 12-18-2010, 10:18 AM
  #3  
Super Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 2,189
Default

Where do you get these things? My DH just said, 'You know, those are really bad, don't you?' BUT the gave us both a smile!
CoyoteQuilts is offline  
Old 12-18-2010, 10:39 AM
  #4  
Senior Member
 
hannajo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 814
Default

Thanks, Ditter! Those really made me laugh.
hannajo is offline  
Old 12-18-2010, 10:42 AM
  #5  
Senior Member
 
hazeljane's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Tulsa, OK
Posts: 799
Default

I have a someone risque one for you:

A sadist and a masochist get together, and the sadist ties up the masochist so he can't move. The masochist says: "Okay, now hurt me"

And the masochist says "no."
hazeljane is offline  
Old 12-18-2010, 10:45 AM
  #6  
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,407
Default

Good ones....Funny!
karenchi is offline  
Old 12-18-2010, 10:45 AM
  #7  
Senior Member
 
grannyQ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SE Iowa
Posts: 613
Default

Just love your jokes. I usually show my hubby and he cracks up to. Keep them coming.
grannyQ is offline  
Old 12-18-2010, 10:51 AM
  #8  
Power Poster
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Whitewater, WI
Posts: 24,528
Default

lol!
CarrieAnne is offline  
Old 12-18-2010, 10:55 AM
  #9  
Super Member
 
Dollysquiltingmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: North, Ms.
Posts: 1,176
Default

LOL!!
Dollysquiltingmom is offline  
Old 12-18-2010, 12:09 PM
  #10  
Super Member
 
tjradj's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: London, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,326
Default

Ditter, you're a funny gal.
Keep it coming.
tjradj is offline  
Related Topics
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
grandmahoney
General Chit-Chat (non-quilting talk)
9
08-03-2018 05:27 PM
ChrisDee
General Chit-Chat (non-quilting talk)
35
03-28-2014 04:13 PM
shortslady
Introduce Yourself
57
07-07-2011 08:20 AM
Sweeterthanwine
General Chit-Chat (non-quilting talk)
2
05-07-2011 01:03 PM
dkbeck
Main
38
12-31-2009 06:26 PM

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


FREE Quilting Newsletter