Aeroplane joke for a change
 

Qantas Airlines: Repair Division








In case you need a laugh:


Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.




After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.


The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.


Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.


Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.




By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.




P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.


S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.




P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.


S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.




P: Something loose in cockpit.


S: Something tightened in cockpit.




P: Dead bugs on windshield.


S: Live bugs on back-order.




P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.


S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.




P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.


S: Evidence removed.




P: DME volume unbelievably loud.


S: DME volume set to more believable level.




P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.


S: That's what friction locks are for.




P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.


S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.




P: Suspected crack in windshield.


S: Suspect you're right.




P: Number 3 engine missing.


S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.




P: Aircraft handles funny............ (I love this one!)


S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.




P: Target radar hums.


S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.




P: Mouse in cockpit.


S: Cat installed.




And the best one for last..................


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.



S: Took hammer away from midget.

Thanks, Ditter....all the funnier because the answers sound a bit like what my DD would have said.

My favorite? "P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed." -- tooooooooo funny! Thanks!!!

You made me laugh so hard I don't know if I can go to sleep now. I read somewhere that every deep belly laugh adds a certain number of minutes to your life....at this rate (with yoiur help), I'm gonna live forever!! Thanks for the chuckles.

Hahahaha. I love the one about the lost engine!

ROFL. Thanks, Ditter

very funny...and typical aussie sense of humour

Thanks Ditter!:thumbup:

I have tears because I am laughing to much.

Ditter you always come up with the best jokes.

I love you Ditter -keep'em comin- : )

Good way to start the day - with a laugh out loud. Thanks again Ditter!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA .. sent that one to a few friends of ours who work for the airlines !LOL Thanks for sharing

Ditter, Thanks for the laugh. Needed it after the morning ride to work.

Loved this and laughed out loud...loved the last one, but the Aircraft handles funny really got my funny bone : ) Thank you so much!!!

this is Aussie humour-got to love it. I really miss Australia and the wonderful people there.

Thanks for the laugh and tears.

I did too. My Dad (who just passed on this year) was a nagivator in WW-II, so I sent it to all of his pilot friends, and the mechanic who worked with him in one of the other wars he was in (they saw each other by chance 40 years later & recognized each other, isn't that amazing?)

Ditter, thank you for that!

thanks loved those, but wonder if they used UP UP AND AWAY by the 5th diminsion or perhaps LEAVIG ON A JET PLANE by peter ,paul and mary for the lyrics they replaced the hum with, LOL
Oh dear that started the plane songs now.

That sounds like Aussie humor as well as the hands-on guys knowing the real deal. :)

Thanks Ditter! I needed that.