The following was found posted very lowon a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required...

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:



(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people..
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and Don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are easier to raise than kids because they:
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't smoke or drink,
(7) don't want to wear your clothes,
(8) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(9) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ...

Love it!

I am rolling on the floor!!! I am in a queen size bed with my 9yr old who was having a bad dream, 2 medium size dogs & at least 1 cat. Whoops, Punkin just left to go lay on the floor...Better claim some more space!!!

I LOVE IT!!!

:)

This is wonderful! Personaly I share a queen size bed with DH and two Boston Terriers and love it. unconditional love from all three!

Yep... :)

I can't stop laughing. So funny. I love the last part. I may post that on my front door.

i went to the queen size bed last night because the 2 dogs (a pom and a pug) wanted to hog the couch well the bed was not much better the husband had over half the pug has to sleep in between us under the covers and the pom takes forever to find just the right spot and then the border collie has to have her corner of the bed so when the husband finally got up for work i thought awww some room to stretch out WRONG!the pug stays where she is and the pom goes and lays on my husbands side with her head on the pillow like she is a human! and some nights we get stuck with the 2 cats too1 i told my husband our next bed is going to be a KING!

This is hilarious. thanks for sharing it.